I grieve for you and what this week has brought. Wish I had an answer for you, but I know I don't, so I have to leave you with letting you know that we are praying for you and yours, and wishing for the best ending possible.
I agree with those who say you must fight. Perhaps that is just my sense of injustice inside rising up and refusing to crumble in the face of her perceived victory, but I really think now is the time you must stand firm. You have two years worth of posts on this site. Two years worth of journaling about what was going on between you and your wife. Is this potentially of use in helping the judge understand that you're not a wacko money hungry MD?
This may be where it gets nasty. Can you do that FIB?
This woman is trying to destroy you. Please don't go down without a fight. The odds are stacked against you, but you have a good lawyer, you are on the side of RIGHT...there must be something that can be done. Judges should not be predetermining situations. What in the world did you do all the financials for if the judge is just going to indiscriminately decide that you are hiding money???
Do not give in.
Please.
If it takes a battle, let it be a battle.
This is a dishonorable woman who has broken her vows repeatedly. She does not deserve to GAIN from her moral failings.
You remain in our prayers.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
You have two years worth of posts on this site. Two years worth of journaling about what was going on between you and your wife. Is this potentially of use in helping the judge understand that you're not a wacko money hungry MD?
I think this is an exceptional idea. That would be quite a compelling, contemporaneous, detailed account!
Hi FIB, I am so sorry. I do think you should put up some sort of a fight though. I have been reading off and on for the two years and I can tell that you are a good man, surely a learned judge could see it too.
If your attorney is not fighting the presumptions that have been made by the judge, get a new one with some balls. I understand that will delay things however you can't let her your wife cause the level of destruction she is trying to cause because you won't cave into that third-party message that she doesn't want a divorce , etc...
When financial discovery is compelled in a divorce case, the judge doesn't review it. It is only the attorneys that do so. Your wife has a monster of an attorney and yours doesn't seem to be very proactive. No matter the spiritual battle, you have got to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and position yourself to fight for yourself and you have to do it RIGHT NOW.
Pay next months mortgage so you don't go to jail and start gathering whatever evidence against your wife that is necessary to level this playing field.
Do it for your kids.
You don't have to get as dirty as she is however facts are facts and you CAN NOT let her do this to you.
Additionally, there are strong undercurrents in your sitch that have nothing to do with divorce busting. I would urge you to consider them and try to listen out for a message you quite possibly have not been open to previously. I have found time and again that you become quite open to revelation knowledge when you're flat on your back.
Your wife has a monster of an attorney and yours doesn't seem to be very proactive.
I agree.
As much as your W has been at fault and done many, many things to hurt you, she cannot "force" a judge to make a decision like that. She must have one helluva L - one who plays dirty, sounds like.
That doesn't mean you have to play dirty too, however; full financial disclosure should ensure that you do not lose everything over this.
That said, I did have to pay 1/2 of XH's debt accumulated while we were married, and I had to buy him out my house, which is worth 3x what it was when we bought it. And he's the one who cheated and bailed.
Whatever happens won't be fair, but I certainly hope it will at least not be atrociously UNfair.
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I took her side again and again as FIB tried to save his M.
Jeff,
I know you care very much about FIB. And I wasn't implying that you have to take her side, or defend her, or that he should turn a blind eye to her behaviour. It's just the language you chose that I didn't like.
No that I would necessarily disagree with your assessment, mind you.
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
ok, I withdraw whatever comments I made that pushed people's buttons. Amy, I was trying to make a joke. break the tension? But I see you guys are doing battle planning. Allow me to use the side exit.
FIB, OUCH!! Ok, do you have my phone #? Though I'm not licensed to practice law in NY and am NOT seeking to gain a client (not allowed to seek out or encourage litigation or try to get another L's client, and I need to be clear here) but I have to say the ONE single advantage of being in a fault state ---IS fault!!
Before we toss your attorney under the bus, I am assuming the judge has seen lots of docs do exactly what the judge fears and your wife's L is implying, the stereotype of CEO or MD that wants to pay off the wife and kids a relative pittance, THEN re-marry the trophy wife and suddenly have plenty of money...etc. What the judge does NOT know about your sitch, is your attorney's job to teach.
Your wife isn't the stereotypical doc's wife who slaved waiting tables to put her h thru med school only to be dumped when he got "important" and she became boring as he 'outgrew" her. (To the judge, it may look like a cliched script out of Hollywood). Your w did not put you through school, and HER A's were not merely broken Marriage vows but impacted the kids - recall that fault as a spouse does not always equate to fault as a parent TO THE COURTS...but her other behaviors as they relate to being a mom MUST be taken into account. Have you shared ALL these things with your lawyer and didn't you like/trust your lawyer anyhow? And don't forget, your w's L is posturing, a lot. The more that the w's L thinks you have, the higher the fees the W's L will expect. If you trust YOUR L, give her time. If your L stood there...well, is your L familiar with defending MD practices and their values? Your w will want a forensic accountant to assess future value, earnings, good will, etc. Sheesh, your w is making ME mad. And I think that's a good sign for you. I'm a L, true. But I'm also a doc's wife, and your wife is NOT in the victim category here. Good grief. She's one of those we "first wives" look at as one "who cuts in line" to get to our hard earned hot tub, after we've been living in trailers putting off our own careers...oh yikes...
I'm available to talk if you want --my hard drive died 6 months ago so I know I don't have your info anymore. If you can somehow pass it to me, I'll email or call you. I'll just listen if you want, from a woman's perspective. You know the most terrifying thing to most women, speaking for those of us who are fairly stable, is financial insecurity. We aren't talking about taking the guy to the cleaners. But even I have had nightmares that I'll end up in a crappy apartment my kids and grandkids won't want to visit because it'll be ghetto, and somehow I'll be so broke if h leaves again, I'll end up in my sister''s basement, etc. It's not all rational and I get that. And I'm not terribly 'off'. So, some of her fears are to be expected but will come out badly. And with your wife's history, I recall that her sense of entitlement was high (and bugged me) as she said something irritating, words to the effect that she "didn't expect to have to work at the age of 35". PLEASE, LET THE JUDGE HEAR THAT ONE...if the judge is a woman, that'll be great for YOU to have the judge hear. Betcha the judge is over 35...your wife may well come out as a gold digger = hair dresser who married you AFTER you had already finished the "unpleasant" and invonvenient and not so prestigious part of becoming a doctor...
Like I said though, I THOUGHT you trusted your L and she may just not have had her turn yet. What's she saying? And even with a perfect L on your side, you will feel "sick". Remember you are a good man, but there will be NO WINNERS in this. Hence my detesting of family law as a career. No one leaves happy, although sometimes "avenged" might apply. And is that happiness? Not to me.
Sending Major league hugs your way and please email me your number and we can chat to see where you really are. Not to give legal advice, but to tell you that you are a long way from thinking "all is lost" and your wife's L is playing poker right now. And in a fault state, well, I wouldn't want my hand "called" if I were him.
The W's "breakdowns" revealed themselves to the kids when she lay in the fetal position for long periods and you went to the hospital and you did everything inside the home, and outside the home and her physical health issues with the weight, these are fairly objective.
Plus, your wife's behavior in front of people was wacky if I recall correctly. geez, do we all have to go back to our notes? Hey, I won't lecture. I'll listen and explain anything I can as a L or a wife.
But like Bworl and many others here, I'm of the priority beliefs of; 1) best for the kids; and 2) best for YOU and... that's it for now. Nothing mean, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It's all about your children and you first, or there won't be anything to help your wife with anyway. Make sense?
((( j- )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
