"I've been married for 14 years and endured a lot of being ignored, criticized, and devalued over that entire period"
Breakaway, as a lbs who has heard very similar frustrations expressed by my WAS, I would love some specific elaborations on these three things you mention.
I seems that when ever I tried to get specific examples from W, she would resist.
It is really hard to change behaviour when you aren't certain what behavior is annoying your spouse.
"I've been married for 14 years and endured a lot of being ignored, criticized, and devalued over that entire period"
Breakaway, as a lbs who has heard very similar frustrations expressed by my WAS, I would love some specific elaborations on these three things you mention.
I seems that when ever I tried to get specific examples from W, she would resist.
It is really hard to change behaviour when you aren't certain what behavior is annoying your spouse.
Just a quick update: Couldn't take the rejections and disrespect any longer. No matter what I did, I was criticized or pushed away. I moved out of the house to a recreation room attached to our garage several days ago. She asked that I not do it and that it would not help but if I continued in the house with she and the 3 boys, I would lose it. Hurt too much to be around her constantly being reminded she no longer wanted me...
I find the peace and quiet out her much to my liking but lonely at times. I a still maintaining the housework (I am disabled and do not work) the laundry, shopping and making supper.
I do not g in the house until the boys are off to school and she to work. I am there when the kids get home, feed them supper and get the homework started. I leave for my sanctuary before she gets home.
She told me she wanted to feel self sufficient so I also put the finances in her hands so she could maintain the budget and pay the bills.
From her response so far, being self sufficient isn't all it looked to be. She's beat at the end of the day and I'm actually enjoying her dose of reality.
I am maintaining my improvements, I've lost 40 pounds since the beginning of September, I pulled out all my nice clothes that fit once again and I've purchased a new wardrobe. I'm turning heads at the soccer practices and games and she is noticing this.
I've decided that if she wants to go forward with the D, I'm not taking custody of the children as she was hoping. I see no reason to give her the single life again. She wants out, she can have it but the kids are going with her....
Reasoning with her did not work. Allowing her to see a part of what her life will be like as a single mom is making a huge impact. I hope it works to my advantage. If not, I will go on with my life and enjoy me new found single status.
What do you all think of this move I've made? Bad or good idea?
Almost a full year later and not much has changed... We are still together,she's still unhappy and I'm still trying.
Admittedly,finances have forced us to stay together. There just isn't enough money for use to live separately. We both agree we don't want to displace the boys (3) from their home.
Staying together is our only alternative as any changes just make matters worse.
Sure wish I were seeing some improvement or could foster some change of some sort.
Hi, Thanks for telling your story. I'm two years into all of this and will be divorced in December. I am getting closer to a life worth living. Not there yet. This stuff takes time. I never would have believed that two years would go by and I would still be stuck. Hang in there. Explore a way out of limbo. A better life awaits. Thanks again for coming back. See you next year.
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
I never thought a year later things wouldn't be different. It has been a roller-coaster ride thus far. At times things were on the mend and we were doing well and then it would hit the skids again. Each time it is due to my wife's realization that "it is what it is" and in the grand scheme of things the things she wants changed can't be.
I'm disabled after having surgery 5 times on my spine. Last year alone, I had 3 surgeries to 7 levels, fuse at 3 level in my lower back and 2 in my neck. I'll never work again... I make one heck of a stay at home dad but that's not what she wants from me... She wants her old husband back and I can't offer that.
I've no recourse.... I take it day by day knowing it is all futile and find some days pretty tough. I just do my best and take them one at a time.
