I understand this year I dont have my girls but Im 'faking it until I make it'
X OW is into taking pictures and it sounds like she does thsi sort of thing soemtimes on purpose in hopes i get to see the "happy family".
It was her idea to take xmas pictures infront of our huge xmas tree downtown to send xmas post cards. In the beginning she would even take pictures of herself everywhere also inside x's car..just to prove a point. We never send xams family post cards.
On my 'evil days' I have thought about sneaking pictures of X kissing me and trying to undress me...he he...since she likes pics so much.
True, I still have my moments...when I feel down. I see happy families shopping and a million jewelry commercials with the man buying the woman jewelry...and I remember when it was me...and it wasn't so much about the stuff it was that someone loved me enough to take the time to do that...that someone was thinking of me.
I miss that. I miss being loved and cherished. I miss being so completely in love with someone. And although this is the FIRST year that I am going through this knowing my marriage is truly dead and over...it feels like I have been alone for a LONG time...and, in fact, I have.
But the season also reminds me that it is not about me...that it is about the Savior who was given to us...to celebrate His coming. I take comfort in that and for all the good things God has bestowed upon me...like the Lissy girl..who did not want get up this morning..it was chilly here...32F/0C and I just wanted to stay cuddled up with her...I just love my gerl!
So, I am having a good day today...I hope you are too..
I know how you feel. I also miss being in love and being loved. I miss the fun things we used to do and the laughter. But I don't want to be with anybody in order to not be alone.
I also had a few good days, althought I got sad inbetween. But when the sun shines I feel so much happier, even if it is cold outside.
Yes, we have been alone for A LONG TIME. Sometimes I quite enjoy being able to do what I want and that's why I am worried that I will get used to it and develope some strange habits. I don't want to end up like a strange loner.
I wish you a lovely week and some more good days. (((((HUGS)))))