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A Message from Michele
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The Dynamics of Living together but separated... #1599210
09/22/08 12:26 PM
09/22/08 12:26 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 159
City of Chicago suburbs
B
Bliss Offline OP
Member
Bliss  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 159
City of Chicago suburbs
Things in my house are just wierd...and I really don't know how to handle it.

H refuses to leave, and I was told by my free consultation with a lawyer not to leave either. We live here passing through the kitchen, not speaking to one another. (the very last time I spoke to him, he said 'its over why don't you face it' as well as he hates me...ugh)

What I'm wondering is some really silly stuff, but things I need to figure out, one way or the other:

H does nothing around the house, no repairs, doesn't pick up after himself, nothing at all. Do I continue to do his laundry, clean up after him, etc etc? Do I cook for him?

H takes our son whenever he wants on the weekends without consulting me or telling me what's up. I am always left to ask our S12 where he's going, when he'll be home. The one time I asked H, he said sarcastically, "why don't you ask S12 when he'll be home". I guess I am afraid to push the issue due to H's anger. Maybe I should write him a letter explaining that we need to come to terms with who gets S12 every other weekend?

When H does leave without S12, he calls S12 several times throughout the day; letting S12 know what his plans are.

H visited his lawyer and said we have two options: let the house foreclose (lost equity with recent downturn in economy) or let him have house with S12. I am on disability and it will be hard for me to afford the mortgage, but still, this is my home and my S's home and I will try my best, where there's a will theres a way \:\) . H said if I choose the house, he wants off the mortgage. Who will finance a house with a person on SS alone? I have no idea how to handle this.

I do not talk about lawyers except for what he told me his lawyer said....I try to keep my distance....but it is hard to DB when he never even looks at me or acknowledges my existance.

Suggestions? Advice? I am seeing a counselor while he is not and she tells me to get on with my life.

So frustrated,

B


Me:46 H: 46
DD:22, DS:12
Together since age 16.
Married: 26 years 10-9-08...H filed for D same week as our anniversary.

Dear Lord....Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Re: The Dynamics of Living together but separated... [Re: Bliss] #1599349
09/22/08 02:56 PM
09/22/08 02:56 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,715
Hilton, New York
L
LolaL Offline
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LolaL  Offline
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L
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,715
Hilton, New York
I'd find another lawyer. I don't know what the laws in Illinois are, but there are laws to protect you as the spouse, and to protect the home. If he leaves, and you take the house, he may need to pay you support, as well as support for your son.

First things first. Find another lawyer. Protect your rights.


Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..

Re: The Dynamics of Living together but separated... [Re: LolaL] #1599449
09/22/08 04:12 PM
09/22/08 04:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 159
City of Chicago suburbs
B
Bliss Offline OP
Member
Bliss  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 159
City of Chicago suburbs
Thanks Lola, I was thinking the same exact thing.

Now it's the S12 thing I need to figure out. Any suggestions?

Thank you for listening,

B


Me:46 H: 46
DD:22, DS:12
Together since age 16.
Married: 26 years 10-9-08...H filed for D same week as our anniversary.

Dear Lord....Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Re: The Dynamics of Living together but separated... [Re: Bliss] #1599467
09/22/08 04:18 PM
09/22/08 04:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
J
JenInVen Offline
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JenInVen  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
I was looking at your post and I think he's trying to trick you. He knows you don't make much money for a L and so he's telling you BS really. I would imagine ALL states have more than those 2 options. Don't let him play you for a fool.

In regards to the housework...laundry, cooking etc? I think you should stop doing it for him. Cook for you and your son and keep his dirty laundry in the hamper. It's my opinion that why should you have to do that for him while at the same times he's being mean to you.

I'm not sure about your S. I guess you'll have to rely upon him telling you where they're going and what time they'll be back for the time being.


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
Re: The Dynamics of Living together but separated... [Re: JenInVen] #1599496
09/22/08 04:28 PM
09/22/08 04:28 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,715
Hilton, New York
L
LolaL Offline
Member
LolaL  Offline
Member
L
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,715
Hilton, New York
Bliss, once you see a lawyer, he may be able to do an emergency motion to get some kind of visitation in place so that your H will have to let you know where and when he is taking your son. Unfortunately, until there is something in writing, there is not much you can do about that.


Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..

Re: The Dynamics of Living together but separated... [Re: LolaL] #1599500
09/22/08 04:30 PM
09/22/08 04:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
J
JenInVen Offline
Member
JenInVen  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
Lola? What do you think about the house work?


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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