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Heh...yeah feral pretty much describes both mine and Dan's sitch.

Honestly, don't you just love having your own stuff? And the money sharing...no way unless there is an agreement in place, in writing, about who is responsible for what in terms of $$$$. I'm nowhere near rich but there's a little thing called accountability and independence. That's too precious to give up!

Sorry to read about your D and the money thing. She's got the bestest mom though!!!!

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Cool you re-posted this. This IS one of the reasons I just disappeared for stretches at a time. It just did nothing for my mental attitude to see that kind of stuff.

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Originally Posted By: qoe100
Found this post in another forum but it sure seems to fit here, doncha think?

See below:
I stopped posting more than a month ago because I was just so frustrated with the board. It seemed that it became something other than a place to turn to for support and answers. The board I knew valued introspection and goal-setting. Many times the light bulb popped on over my head as I read something posted to me. Many times I did not like the answers, but I always reminded myself that if something struck a nerve I really needed to examine it all the more closely.

Lately I have noticed a disturbing trend of "do not post to me." I find this absolutely ridiculous! It is not as if there are people here who post with the sole intent of hurting someone or making their life miserable. It is as if people are only looking for the advice that they want to hear. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of this place?

And really, if you are here to blog...ugh! Get a myspace account or something. It is usually the bloggers that start deciding who can and cannot post. Agreed, if someone is offensive or purposely hurtful they should be asked to be respectful or leave. These bloggers drone on and on about their lives and then get offended when people point out inconsistencies or troubling items.

I know that the first thing that people will say is, "if you don't like a thread, don't read it or post to it." Sure, that would be fine, but don't we owe something to the newbies? Shouldn't someone be the voice of reason so that the light bulb may go off for someone else reading the thread?


There are people that have been here for years that don't seem to be any better off than the day that they came. That is not to say that if you have been around for years that you automatically fall into this category. I think that a telling clue is if all of your posts remain on your own thread. If you are not out there trying to help others or posting to people that may be experiencing something you have already experienced, perhaps there is a character issue you need to deal with. Are you selfish? Is your self-esteem so low that you don't think you have anything to offer? Either of these two things could be a major reason your relationship is not going so well! And, maybe, just maybe the person who is pointing this out to you is not trying to hurt you but is trying to help you!

If you have been on this board for months or even years moaning and complaining about the same old things, maybe negativity is a major issue for you. I for one think that pointing out to someone how negative they sound is meant to help. I have refrained from writing what I was really thinking- "How can anyone stand to be around you... you are so negative and such a downer!" and tried to wrap it in a nicer package, but I have yet to see a person like that take into consideration that how they sound on here may be mirrored in their "real" life.

I totally understand that many of these people are depressed and need a gentle hand. But, at what point does the gentle hand become the enabling hand? Anyone who has been here for a length of time will tell you that it is nice to be given hope right off the bat. And, there is nothing wrong with that. But the same things that got you into the mess you are in will keep you there if you don't learn from them. And grow. And, God forbid, change.

Yeah, it is overwhelming to think that not only is your relationship in a bad place, but now you have to take some responsibility for it... ugh! However well-intentioned your actions, perhaps they are hurting more than helping. And the kind people of this board are here to read and to ponder and to point things out. Maybe they will misconstrue something. We're all human. But, maybe you need to work on your own communication skills, too.

If you have asked people not to post to you, I implore you to reconsider. The things that get under your skin may be the very things that you have needed someone to tell you. We all need the friend who will tell us about the spinach in our teeth, you know.

It is just so frustrating to see people mired in the same old muck for so long! And this new thing in which people are asked not to post.... is it the worst or what? If you can't handle a few typed sentences, how in the world do you cope with life? And, maybe, just maybe, don't you see that hiding your head in the sand is perhaps something that needs to be fixed about you?
So it seems that it's not just this forum where this is happening..........


HELLO!!! I didn't write this did I? The trouble is that the person that would benefit the most from this wouldn't listen to this advice anyway. Let's just keep on keepin' on!

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Hear, hear!!!

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What a wonderful post! And I KNOW whose thread they've been reading, even if this was posted under another forum. NOBODY can continue to post the same ol same ol dribble daily and go on about GAL when they were only married for a fraction of their life. No sir - they've got MAJOR ISSUES. And the trouble is - they come across as intelligent and newbies trust them. That is the scariest part for me.

I did NOT like some of the advice given to me throughout the years but BOY - most of it was dead on. Because who would bother to post to me if they didn't have anything to say. And it is so much easier to look at someone when you're not in their shoes. I made mistakes. I learned. And I tried the advice. But NEVER did I ever in 7 years post'

"DO NOT POST TO ME". This is ridiculous. And SO childish.

This is a public bb. It is not meant to be a place to blog or to influence others regarding our political or religious views. That is not to say you can't say "God Bless America" - which contains both a religious and political statement (I am Canadian by the way) but you shouldn't go on about the candidates or why your church is better (IN MY OPINION).

When you have to start your thread with "now what will I talk about today?". When you drone on about your imaginary baby and your imaginary boyfriend when you've made no progress on that in 6 years - you are STUCK and need far more counselling than this bb can offer.

The sad part is that the moderator allows this garbage to continue. New men to get sucked into the web this black widow weaves and all the good people here end up leaving because the mood has focussed on the offender. I just wish everyone on the bb would hit IGNORE but I find we don't because we try to help those who don't know any better.

This was an awesome post to print here, Jill. Thanks for taking the time!

Barb

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qoe100 Offline OP
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OK, for my own well being, I have to leave this site. I find that I'm spending way too much thought on things that really should not affect my life in any way.

I hate what this has turned into and I also hate that I've contributed to any of it. It's not who I am. I'm supposed to be the fun one. The happy one. I let a person get under my skin that really has taken me on a tangent that I no longer wish to participate in. The only way to stop it is to leave and concentrate on what's really important which is myself, friends and family.

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We love you, Jilly!

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