-STBXW is engaged to OM and their wedding is set for a few days after the separation officially hits the one-year mark. I'm good with it. Honestly, I see what she is like - the things she now chooses to value, the people with whom she surrounds herself, how she carries herself- and I have ZERO interest in ever wanting to associate with her again. If it weren't for our kids, I'd have nothing to do with her. Because of our children, I realize that we will always be a part of each other's lives, but I have chosen to make our children the ONLY reason our lives intersect. We're amicable and even have friendly chit-chat when we interact (hell, even her fiance has decided to become chatty with me). She sees us as "good friends" and has told a lot of people that, but I just see it as being a rational adult recognizing that being unpleasant helps neither party and hurts the kids.
My kids are doing well and are adjusting to the idea of their mom and her fiance being married.
- After a year and a half of therapy and taking my time getting my head and heart together, I became open to the possibility of dating. Not actively pursuing anything, but just not dismissing opportunities if they came my way. And deciding to go VERY slow. And, just by sheer accident, an opportunity came my way and I'm slowly, cautiously, (and very happily) allowing things to unfold.
Things are good. Hope everyone has a great holiday season!
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
Thank you for the update. Please take things slowly and know that everything will work out. I'm sorry about the STBXW. I really had hoped she'd get her head of the sand.
I'm glad your children are doing well.
I do hope the holidays are pleasant for you. Enjoy the time you spend w/your children. I am very happy to see that you are doing okay.
Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yeah, I'm definitely taking things slowly. I've been seeing the same therapist since the bomb dropped - what was a biweekly session is now monthly, and now we've transitioned from handling the wreckage of "what was" to the possibilities in "what can be." She has been a HUGE help and is helping me move into the next phase of my life and thinks I'm ready to put my toe back in the water.... slowly.
I've been talking to a single mom that I met through a funny set of circumstances (my son's cub scout group found her lost license while doing a roadside cleanup, I sent it back to her, she wanted to meet the scouts and me to thank us... and we hit it off). We're doing a lot of GREAT phone conversation and are making our first "date" be something low pressure and involving the kids - 'cuz after all, our respective kids WILL be a huge part of the mix. We're each hopeful about where this might go, but cautious. She is a great lady, and I figure that if nothing else, I will have made a wonderful new friend - but since I think she's cute as all heck, my first choice is the "more-than-friends" option...
As for the STBXW, thanks for having been holding out hope and being there for support, but I realize now that her MLC was rooted in VERY deep issues with which she had been and still is grappling and is, in many ways, unwilling to face, and as a result, any hope for reconciliation was doomed from the start. And in the last two years, she has burned FAR too many bridges - with me, with our friends and family, and with acquaintances- for me to ever fully trust her EVER again or want to be with her in any capacity again. She is fundamentally a very screwed-up and selfish person, and even if she gets the help she needs at some point, she has irrevocably destroyed what we had. I wish her no ill will in her new life, I just don't want her in mine any more than she has to be.
And I hope that you & yours also have a great holiday season!
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
(note: I posted this as a reply in another thread but decided to repost it here, in a thread I started long ago...)
Long time no post...for great reasons.
I had toyed with the idea of dating here and there, but never had the heart to dive in with the individuals. Didn't feel "right." Then, some of my best students(!) absolutely insisted that I meet their favorite aunt. The students texted her to see if she was still single & open to meeting someone, she was, the kids talked me up to her and made us promise to text each other that night. We did.
Long story short, she was as amazing as her nieces said, and we got married 3/17/12 (two years to the date after that first text). My 13-year-old son was my best man. We're still madly head over heels. I buy her flowers for the 17th of each month and have since we first met.
The XW and I are amicable. We have shared custody of the kids (actually her idea). She married the OM. Funny thing is that he and I get along great right now.
Dunno if I'll check back for replies or not....school and family keep me pretty busy...and happy. Thanks to all for the support way back when.
Mike, I'm very happy that you came back to post an update. Congratulations on your new marriage. Keep up the good work and always make her feel special and she should do the same for you.
Life has a funny way of working things out...you and the xw's new husband can get along. This makes a world of difference for your children.
Again, congratulations!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
