I've been wondering how you are!! I've wanted to post since I found your update last week and just haven't had time. I'm glad you got some great advice here and decided to end things with the guy you had been seeing. You should expect to fall in love again with someone who makes you heart soar!!
While Raven and I were surprised by our relationship, we are still VERY happy. We are now married and... the parents of a beautiful 7 week old boy:)))))))))) I think he's starting to stir so I probably only have a few more minutes!!
Anyway, I don't think you should settle for anyone!! And as long as you are happy with yourself (and I think you are) I don't think you'll be tempted.
I'll watch for more updates and try to post IF I get some free time.
Fearless
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Hi Friends...long time, once again, between updates!
Fearless, I don't know when you will get this...but CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is wonderful news. I'm happy for you both. I love to see a happy ending for wonderful people.
Short update - I am doing a long-term sub job until December. It is very rewarding, exactly what I love to do...and a TON of work! And before I was sure I had a LT sub job, I signed up for graduate classes. I did drop a few, but still have two night courses. It's too much...but I will do what I can do and get through this semester, at least. I am hoping that this combined with my experience last year will be a foot in the door and establish a good reputation with the schools around here...so we will hope and pray for a full time job for next year.
The kids are good. S17 is a senior and slowly becoming human again. He gave me a run for my money in the attitude department in the last year or so, but thankfully has stayed out of major trouble, so I will count my blessings. S15 is taller than everyone else in the family now (that did NOT please his older brother!), and getting ready to get his driver permit. D12 is a lovely young lady who is very social and who is trying to wear too much makeup and too little clothing. She is having her first real crush...Ah, life is good...
I am not dating at the moment. There just isn't time! I am very glad I chose to stop dating the guy I was. It is a big relief - it just wasn't right. I don't feel any pressure to find someone...so we'll see.
XH is still married to OW. I wonder if I'll be saying that in a few years? He and I are going back to court in a few weeks. He had applied to get child support modified, and my alimony is ending (it's been 3 years since D, and I was an idiot who settled!). I have been told to expect an increase in CS since my earnings are very low compared to his, but it won't quite make up for the loss in alimony. Either way, I think he's in for a surprise. He thinks he is going to end support once the kids are out of high school, but he agreed to pay at least the child support amount through college. I don't think he can change that now.
Ironically, our court date is Oct 3 - exactly 3 years to the day of our divorce. Should be interesting! I truly don't have a lot of hard feelings left from the whole mess. I sometimes still resent being left to handle everything alone, and I resent my financial situation, but some of that is my own fault for being too complacent and complient. I don't hate XH...I really don't even hate OW, although we will never be best buddies. I feel...kind of distanced from it all. My life is the kids, work, and building a life I can be proud of. I miss my husband. I have many good memories, and I do miss those days. It's not an overwhelming pain, but a very dull ache that kind of rests in the shadows, and often I think it fades away entirely. But he is not the man I loved anymore - the man who is my children's father does not even remind me of my husband...it's like he is someone totally different, and so when I do see him it is very odd - I feel very isolated from him and not at all connected anymore.
But like we have all said...even though we heal, the long term consequences of divorce, for us and for our kids, is what hurts the most. We can heal, but we still have a whole bunch of S*** to deal with that we just shouldn't have to!
OK, off to read some updates and then I have to pick up the teenagers from the football game. Have a good weekend folks!!!
I sometimes still resent being left to handle everything alone, and I resent my financial situation
Well, who wouldn't? That sounds pretty natural to me.
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I feel...kind of distanced from it all. My life is the kids, work, and building a life I can be proud of.
I think you do a fantastic job of focusing on the here and now. Memories are one thing, but the present is another, and you are in the present most of the time. Again, I think it's natural to drift into the past occasionally, especially when you have ties to XH because of the kids. Overall, though, you are right here, right now, in the wonderful new life that you are creating.
He and I are going back to court in a few weeks. He had applied to get child support modified, and my alimony is ending (it's been 3 years since D, and I was an idiot who settled!).
Aahh! If only all the newbies could see this and commit it to memory. I think so many people, for so many reasons, make some pretty big financial errors during the throes of divorce. My mantra: There are no do-overs in divorce. Treat it like a business deal. That's what it is. It makes me sad that a lot of people I know have been burnt and then live to regret it a few years down the road....after all the emotions have cooled and all you're left with is the financial reality of life.
You sound great, VJ. Hang in there and let us know what happens in court. Me thinks your EX will be surprised about the child support. Good luck!
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
