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I don't know how to link my old thread to this one, but just a brief summery. i have d5 monday through friday and h has her on weekends. about 2 weeks ago, he came over to the house once again (d was at daycare) to do his usual thing of staying for hours, clean, berate me for the house not being perfect (he has ocd issue), etc. I was told the next time he does this to calmly call police to have them tell him to get what he needs and go.

I did this and he was furious. took my car keys and 2 days later took my car and put a for sale sign on it in the parking lot of work. my father came in to town to help me with the car, lawyer, etc. in the meantime, h took d5 to his parents in jersey and said that he was filing emergeny custody.

as many of you know, right after I found out about his affair (right before he movedout 2 months ago), he took my journals and photocopied sections of them that pertained to my depression last fall. he is now using the "mental health" card to get d.

he called social services on me and thank god, at hearing last friday, they found charges to be "unfounded". Then I had to sit there and listen to h's lawyer read quotes out of my private journal totally taken out of context. like, "I sometimes wish I could go back to nyc and not be a mom", "I don't think I'm a good mother", etc. It was a therapeutic writing excercize that my dr. gave me. I have anxiety issues that manifest phsysically and get stomach problems as a result. doing these writing exercises, gets everything "out of your body", so to speak and lo and behold, I got better (also on AD).

anyway we have another hearing on friday and both h and I will be interviewed by the child advocate and so will d5. I'm scared of course.

I took a really good action yestserday and called the dr. who is very well respected (he's and M.D. that also works with mind/body issues) and he said he GLADLY will write a letter explaining the writing excersize and that my "condition" has nothing to do with my cognitive or parenting abilities.

I will also have my therapist write a letter this week as well as my psychiatrist. again, my anxiety manifests physically and I get these stomach problems (worst was when it lasted daily for 18 months). then the stomach problems, when they become chronic, I get panic attacks.

I am doing very well now physically and mentally and haven't had any episodes for at least 7 months. social services spoke to the dr. and again, their finding were unfounded as I'm not a "nut case".

so basically all h and his attorney have are these journal entries that h STOLE after I caught him with the affair.

I'm a good mother. this has been hard on d5. h's lawyer had the NERVE to say that d5's behavior (she's been acting up in school, etc) is due to the fact that the "good parent" being h isn't here to basically "supervise". I'm paraphrasing ,but that was the gist. uh, no, he's acting up because the life she knew, with BOTH mommy and daddy has changed and she's only 5 and doesn't understand.

I get the fall out after h has her for the weeekend. they have fun and games and then I have to deal with her not wanting to go to school, get on the bus, crying at night because she wants to know when daddy is coming home, etc.

my fear is that she has always been a "daddy's girl" so to speak and I'm scared that the advocate will think he's "better for her".

What infuritates me the most is that when h dropped bomb in feb, custody was NEVER an issue, NEVER until I wouldn't let him in the house 2 weeks ago. Now suddenly he's "very concerned", called social services, etc.

he's coming today to bring d5 for a "visit". I can't believe this. they won't let her come home until the advocate speaks with her and that won't be until friday.

I'm so scared over this. you guys on this board have been so helpful. I haven't seen her for 10 days as h "kidnapped" her basically (the court doesn't see it that way as we didn't have a formal agreeement).

And the best part is, I filed for divorce this week because h wants it so badly and we had to file motions (to get car back, 401 money, set boundaries, many other things) and filing for d is part of that process. and f'ing h is lucky because my dad paid for the whole thing. we spend 2 WHOLE days with attny doing all the paperwork, etc.

so, he has ow, has his "freedom", out of the hosue and now may get d. I hate him so much right now it isn't even funny.

I feel like he's won. And he's so f'ing smug about it too.

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Originally Posted By: maryangela
I don't know how to link my old thread to this one, but just a brief summery. i have d5 monday through friday and h has her on weekends. about 2 weeks ago, he came over to the house once again (d was at daycare) to do his usual thing of staying for hours, clean, berate me for the house not being perfect (he has ocd issue), etc. I was told the next time he does this to calmly call police to have them tell him to get what he needs and go.

I did this and he was furious. took my car keys and 2 days later took my car and put a for sale sign on it in the parking lot of work. my father came in to town to help me with the car, lawyer, etc. in the meantime, h took d5 to his parents in jersey and said that he was filing emergeny custody.

as many of you know, right after I found out about his affair (right before he movedout 2 months ago), he took my journals and photocopied sections of them that pertained to my depression last fall. he is now using the "mental health" card to get d.

he called social services on me and thank god, at hearing last friday, they found charges to be "unfounded". Then I had to sit there and listen to h's lawyer read quotes out of my private journal totally taken out of context. like, "I sometimes wish I could go back to nyc and not be a mom", "I don't think I'm a good mother", etc. It was a therapeutic writing excercize that my dr. gave me. I have anxiety issues that manifest phsysically and get stomach problems as a result. doing these writing exercises, gets everything "out of your body", so to speak and lo and behold, I got better (also on AD).

anyway we have another hearing on friday and both h and I will be interviewed by the child advocate and so will d5. I'm scared of course.

I took a really good action yestserday and called the dr. who is very well respected (he's and M.D. that also works with mind/body issues) and he said he GLADLY will write a letter explaining the writing excersize and that my "condition" has nothing to do with my cognitive or parenting abilities.

I will also have my therapist write a letter this week as well as my psychiatrist. again, my anxiety manifests physically and I get these stomach problems (worst was when it lasted daily for 18 months). then the stomach problems, when they become chronic, I get panic attacks.

I am doing very well now physically and mentally and haven't had any episodes for at least 7 months. social services spoke to the dr. and again, their finding were unfounded as I'm not a "nut case".

so basically all h and his attorney have are these journal entries that h STOLE after I caught him with the affair.

I'm a good mother. this has been hard on d5. h's lawyer had the NERVE to say that d5's behavior (she's been acting up in school, etc) is due to the fact that the "good parent" being h isn't here to basically "supervise". I'm paraphrasing ,but that was the gist. uh, no, he's acting up because the life she knew, with BOTH mommy and daddy has changed and she's only 5 and doesn't understand.

I get the fall out after h has her for the weeekend. they have fun and games and then I have to deal with her not wanting to go to school, get on the bus, crying at night because she wants to know when daddy is coming home, etc.

my fear is that she has always been a "daddy's girl" so to speak and I'm scared that the advocate will think he's "better for her".

What infuritates me the most is that when h dropped bomb in feb, custody was NEVER an issue, NEVER until I wouldn't let him in the house 2 weeks ago. Now suddenly he's "very concerned", called social services, etc.

he's coming today to bring d5 for a "visit". I can't believe this. they won't let her come home until the advocate speaks with her and that won't be until friday.

I'm so scared over this. you guys on this board have been so helpful. I haven't seen her for 10 days as h "kidnapped" her basically (the court doesn't see it that way as we didn't have a formal agreeement).

And the best part is, I filed for divorce this week because h wants it so badly and we had to file motions (to get car back, 401 money, set boundaries, many other things) and filing for d is part of that process. and f'ing h is lucky because my dad paid for the whole thing. we spend 2 WHOLE days with attny doing all the paperwork, etc.

so, he has ow, has his "freedom", out of the hosue and now may get d. I hate him so much right now it isn't even funny.

I feel like he's won. And he's so f'ing smug about it too.


MA--you can't really feel he's won. Believe me unless you do something totally STUPID then you don't really have anything to worry about.

Don't fight with him today. Today is about you spending time with your D. Today is not about YOU and HIM and the SITCH, it is about you spending time with your D. I hope you're meeting him at a neutral sight and not at your home.

Your H is so stupid and has done so much that he has made a case against himself. No judge anywhere would give your D to him unless you do something bad between now and the custody hearing.

Keep your cool. Your D is depending on you to do it.

Bullies are usually very smug until they get their a**es kicked. I'd say a judge up there is getting ready to jerk a knot in your H's ass.

Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/08/08 11:49 AM.
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I feel like he's won. And he's so f'ing smug about it too.


I told you to knock that off \:\)

He hasn't won. You need your 'as if' attitude.


Do you subscribe to any particular faith?


sg
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yeah, but there is PROOF that I had a hard time last fall. I went to the hospital for the panic attacks, the journals he stole, right after 9/11 (l didn't even know h then!) I was in the hospital for a weeek from anxiety. h has all this documented. but I am and have ALWAYS gotten help!! Always!!

h told me (we actually made a very mutual agreement the morning ofthe court date on friday to end the madness) and now he's saying that his lawyer has "concerns" about me. I've met his lawyer once for like 10 minutes!! Granted, I was stressed, we just got out of a hearing, but I wasn't a raving lunatic, for god's sake!!

I can't believe I have to fight for my kid when h is the one who tore our family apart in the first place with his affair and leaving us.

how much more can he hurt me??

he's on his way here with d (he's an hour late). I will try to be as nice as I can.

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You really are determined to stay in a panic, aren't you.

He's trying to keep you there, so you have to go to the hospital again. You KNOW you CAN handle this, so suck it up and just do it. Even if you're acting.

ENJOY the time with your little girl.

Document that he's late.




You have nothing that shows that you would put your daughter at risk. He does.

THIS IS NOT DB ADVICE.

You may need to go for sole custody, and limit his visitation, because when the courts all show everything is unfounded, you may need to show that HE is vindictive and using your daughter as a pawn.

IF you find through HER that he has said things bad about you----------CALM DOWN. and WRITE IT DOWN. That's all you have to do.

Do NOT talk to him. Keep your daughter out of it. Play candyland or something.



btw--he may be making up what his lawyer said. But the more you two fight, the more money the lawyer makes. exponentially more.



Don't make concessions to him for money. You'll regret it later.

Beg and borrow elsewhere....not with him.



Last edited by sgctxok; 06/08/08 03:34 PM.

sg
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YOU CAN DO THIS.......


sg
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Quote:
(we actually made a very mutual agreement the morning ofthe court date on friday to end the madness)


I sure hope you didn't buy this crap.

If he truly wanted to 'stop the madness', your daughter would be in your arms already. He makes me sick. STOP TALKING TO HIM!!!!!!!!!


Edited to say: Sorry if this was harsh, but if my H pulled *anything* kid related, I would/could never forgive him. Nor would I ever trust him again.

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Maryangela

SG asked me to come over to your stitch. And since I respect SG, I think she knows in some way I can help you.

First I want to say, some things,

So, you have panic attacks, so what. Don't we all. I had one just last week. Makes us no less human honey.

You got a letter from a physician, and therapist showing you are receiving treatment. Good for you way to go. Don't see anything wrong with that. I go to therapy every week. Nothing wrong with that, has helped me put my mind straight that i am not this terrible person I believed I was in my head. Has helped me deal with anger and sadness. SO far you are doing things great.

The 9/11 issue, I lost three friends all PAPD officers, I live in NJ and look see the NYC skyline every day and you I never really look at it anymore. I hurts to for its not the same. But I have over time like you with journaling healed and truly mourned my friends who I lost so suddenly. I just up to a month ago could not listen to bagpipe music, it would send me into a panic for all it meant to me was saddness, I would just start to cry, first note played. I could not listen to the song going home. Until I meet a bagpiper, who opened my mind again to them. I know it sounds crazy but he told me the meaning of the song, and it had words to it believe it or not and the words are truly beautiful. I learned to trust something again.

You need to start trusting yourself, you can and will get thru this, with you head held so high.

My H made me feel so worthless for I could not have children, (multiple miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy) God blessed you with a D, find your strength in her and move on.

She is just three, and totally confused. If you really stop and think and took a survey of all the moms here, who have young children, they all have the same issue. The kids have a great time with other parent for there are no rules, they can do what they want eat what they want, etc. So when the time is done having fun, the other parent is left with having to get them back on schedule, back into routine. Be the so called task master. Who really pays the price, the child and the parent who has to reset the whole undoing of the other parent. (not bashing the other parent).

You are a good mom, the proof of it is in your heart and shows in your D.

You are giving up your control by letting your h make the rules. NO, stop it.

you need to make rules and boundaries. AND YOU CAN DO THIS. It has taken multiple 2x4's to the head from SG and others here for me to see it. Even though I don't have children with h, he was still having his cake and eating it too.

Go for sole custody, you can do this. SHOW HIM YOU ARE STRONG. SHOCK HIM, show him you are sooooooo much stronger than the ever, ever, ever thought.

Go right now and look in the mirror, and say, i am strong, i am beautiful, i can get thru anything that comes my way.

Believe me I never thought I was strong, never, it had taken time, but I am better than H, my head is held high, I am not looking at the floor anymore. I used to. I felt so lower than low a few months back, I actually thought I would take my own life for I had nothing to strive for to live for. Till I broke down, and then told myself this is not me, I picked my self up, dusted myself off, and now I stand up with my head held high. Knowing in my heart and head, I am doing what is right for me. Someone here told me I was being mentally abused by my H and you know she was right.

I am done being less than what my H thinks I should have been, could have been or wanted me to be. YOU need to do that to.

YOU can do this. YOU can, listen if I can so can you.

We will all be here with you step by step, ask us questions, vent to us, there are good people here, lean on us, and on other people your friends, go out go to a book store, take your D out for the day. Wrap you arms around her and happy times. for it may seem so dark right now, trust me, it gets better and brighter and the sun does shine again

hugs
bear


Me 42-Him 40
T20yrs Married 16yrs
2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore"
6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW
12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce



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((((((Maryangela))))))

Lots of people have spent time in the hospital for things like anxiety, and not lost their kids. Don't worry about that! The fact that you got help is more likely a point in your favor!

As far as the parenting evaluator thinking H is a better parent based on what D5 says, don't worry about that! They know how a 5 year old's world is! They have heard all of this before. The only thing I can imagine they are looking from out of a 5 year old is signs of absolute abuse. The "Disney Dad" phenomenon is not going to sway them! And I'll bet they've seen a Daddy's girl before!

Don't talk to him, at all! He is still trying to manipulate you, and intimidate you. He is getting desperate, because you haven't given him his way. His lawyer can have all the "concerns" he wants, doesn't mean a thing. I wouldn't be really surprised if your lawyer can get anything in the journal thrown out, though I think with your doctor's letter the journal actually becomes more points in your favor. By the way, if there is another mom, or dad for that matter, who doesn't occasionally have the thought that they wish they'd never had kids, I'd like to meet them! I have a feeling it is universal!

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you guys and you're caring is bringing me to tears. d5 is here watching a video with our neighbor so I have a few minutes.

she's been gone 10 days (as you know h didn't bring her back and took her to jersey with his parents who all hate me), anyway, when h dropped her off, he came in the house, that was fine, but what is really bothering me is that she was clinging to him and not wanting to hug me (she's always been a daddy's girl, but the minute he's gone,she sticks to me like glue). she didn't want him to go. h looks at me and in that f'ing smug face goes, "she's upset because she thinks she's staying here". like he's already been granted custody!!!!!!! I did exactly what you guys said and didn't respond. He said it right in front of her. I feel like she is being brainwashed.

How in the world can I win custody if she keeeps asking for daddy, daddy, daddy??? this is heartbreaking.

Ok, off I go. she's warming up to me, wants to sit on my lap now. but off course h can't see this and I'm sure he'll report that she "didn't want to be here".

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