I very much appreciate your post and your words. I'm touched that you remembered the crazy specifics of my story. I also remember your thread, and you also had a rough time of it.
Yes,my H tried to come back too soon. He came back about 5 times. He wasn't ready but I didn't understand the process back then. He has kicked OW out of his house several times within the past year. H would be on the phone with me before she got her truck out of his driveway. The first time or two that I heard this story, I really thought she was gone for good. Nope. She kept coming back. The last time he called and told me she was "gone", I said, "Well, don't worry about, H. She'll be back tomorrow". He was quiet for a second and then said, "Yes,I guess you're right".
I think that's when he realized that he played this card too many times. I no longer believed him.
That's when some of the changes started. He began selling off his toys, paying down his credit cards, and stopped drinking.
Maybe the next time he calls and tells me that she is "gone", it will be for good. But I don't want to hear it until he is darn sure that she is history once and for all. And then it will take me another 6 months to believe it!
Until then, I will just get on with my life, and trust that it will turn out like it's supposed to .. either with H or without. Either way it will be okay.
Thanks for the update; I'm like brue, I like to keep up with people who have been here a couple of years plus. You sound really peaceful, and XH, well funny what happens when people get what it is they think they want!
I agree. They don't have a clue what they want. They think they will be happy if they can turn their world upside down so they can "feel alive".
Like H told me recently, "I keep returning to what I was running away from". Apparently the excitement (feeling alive) with OW fizzled out and reality began to sink in. He tried to make himself believe for a long time that he was happy with his new life, but now readily admits that he's not.
My H feels lots of remorse. I think he (and lots of others like him) kick themselves every day for their bad decisions, but don't come back because they feel overwhelmed with the guilt of what they have done and don't feel worthy to be home again.
H called last night and said he wants to come home!
I've heard H say these words before .. but he never followed through. In fact I was convinced a couple of times that H would be coming home for sure .. I even posted on Cinders' List of Restored Marriages.
So, I was happy to hear those words last night but my excitement was tempered by his past actions.
But there are differences between this time and the others:
. He was sober . He was not angry with OW (just tired of it all) . He owned up to his bad behavior and said the blame belonged to no one but himself
I told him that if he was serious about it this time, he would have to keep moving forward and no more "steps back". He said he was very serious and he would keep me posted on his "situation" at his house (meaning the OW).
We talked about an hour and covered a lot of ground, mostly to convince me that he is serious about wanting to come home.
Getting rid of OW will be the first test and it will be no easy task. He has tried in the past to get her out of his life.
He is driving home this weekend to try again to get her out once and for all. I think he senses that I have moved on and will no longer be taken in by empty talk and half-azzed reconciliation attempts.
Anyway, just between us on this board, I am very happy and very hopeful that H can follow through this time. I never stopped loving him .. just stopped telling him for awhile.
I just wanted to get this latest development on here and will keep you updated on his progress. I am still grounded enough to know that it might very well fizzle again.
