Eric, Please google Retrouvaille. Where is your thread? NDS, sorry don't mean to hijack. Thanks for stopping by my thread. I completely agree w/ Bill and Jane. I did not have an A either, I just got tired of waiting for things to get better. My walk-away took several years. One day I had just had enough and realized I wasn't getting anything I needed. Contributing factors: $$ (or lack of it), religious beliefs, fear of trauma to kidlets, GUILT over said trauma, low self-esteem/lack of confidence, sliver of hope that things might work out, embarassment over failed M, paralyzing depression. Not sure if this list helps, or if other WAW's had different factors. Peace. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1516497
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I'm glad to find someone in a similar situation.... for me, not for you of course.
I made many many mistakes in our marrige. Primarly they can be summed up with, consumed on providing for my family which resulted in neglect on our marriage, however, she admits she never said anything about not being a good hushand to me. She always bragged on me and I believed she was happy. She got very ill and there where times that I was consumed about employement, insurance and bascially was not sensitive to her needs. This seems to be more agregeous than cheating to her. Frankly, I never believed I was uncaring as it seems to her. I believe past trauma will tempt us to rewrite history. That said, in life I know I "don't deserve anything"!!! Whatever comes to me is a gift. I work on not hating myself how I didn't treat her better, because if I don't, regardless of what she does I have to have a joyful attitude towards life for my children and those who have not given up on me and love me the way I am.
Stay with it. Good things come to those who stay in a good mood. I say that even after learning "something she doesn't know" of her thoughts as it pertains to leaving. I remind myself that "every circumstance" is subject to change. She wanted a D at a certain time, now she hasn't given a date.
The one thing I have extreme trouble with, is the children. Just know, as I was relaying my thoughts to you about staying joyful, it struck me " the kids ". I just get overcome by anger, because I can't stand seeing them hurt. They are innocent. I can see how some couples stay together after infidelity. I've always believe I would leave if my wife cheating, but I don't know if I could just because of my kids. Everything is relative, that is to say if she was living with someone else or something who knows. Anyway, I just pray to God that He will keep them safe and heals there heart if she lives.
