And so it begins....

[No_More_Dodo]

one_light,

The question you really need to ask is does one have a right to walk out of a marriage? Many religions would believe one cannot without infidelity....

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself.... From what you write, you certainly had issues...... As we all did to some degree.....

Your wife could have lovingly told you she cannot deal with you.... She could have told you you need to seek help before she would even consider continuing the M.......

I am not trying to point the finger at just her... But, she could have given the counseling and meds a few months.... It seems like she is using the "empty love tanks" as an excuse....

M is not about convenience.... It is about a decision and committment....

If my M were in trouble, I would want to give my M every chance....... I would not run off with some OP (Band Aid)..... I would want to be able to look all the women I date in the future AND be able to honestly say I gave it my all.....

NMD

[one_light]

NMD,

Thanks for the perspective. The Monday morning quarterbacking has gone into overdrive as of late. What if? What if? What if?

So you give me another…. What if she would have stuck around to see? Indeed.

When I’m at my best I think that God needed me to go through this so that I will not screw up the next one… the real one… he has in store for me. Damn near impossible to imagine at this point, but your story is inspiring. Very inspiring.

OL

[No_More_Dodo]

NMD,

Thanks for the perspective. The Monday morning quarterbacking has gone into overdrive as of late. What if? What if? What if?

So you give me another…. What if she would have stuck around to see? Indeed.

When I’m at my best I think that God needed me to go through this so that I will not screw up the next one… the real one… he has in store for me. Damn near impossible to imagine at this point, but your story is inspiring. Very inspiring.

OL

OL,

I have to be totally honest with you... At the start of this, I never thought I could make it through this betrayal... My exW was the only woman I had ever loved so much and trusted with all of me..... However, God carried me... So many times........

I have sooooooooo been there... What if I had _________? Damn.... I must have had a thousand of those.....

In the end, I concluded the following:

I was NOT the perfect H....
I made TONS of mistakes....
I did nothing to violate my M vows....
I made noticeable changes immediately.......
I wanted to work on the M........

She was NOT the perfect W.....
She made TONS of mistakes....
She "knew three years before" there were problems in our M.....
She chose to NOT share these with me.....
She chose NOT to really go to MC...
She chose to blaze out...
She discarded our M of 12 years like yesterday's trash...
She chose to find OM BEFORE our D was final...

In the end, why would I ever want to married to woman like this? I want to be married to a woman who values commitment, integrity and God's law.... People with no character or morals are a dime a dozen....

You, too, will get through this, my friend.... You will find a woman who understands and appreciates you... For your strengths and weaknesses....

I can remember my exW telling me... "You will be another woman's problem now"....... It makes me laugh now..... There were several women who wanted me to be "their problem"......

My new W says she has waited her ENTIRE life to be with me..... She openly says she loves the man I have become..... My new W, well, she is beyond words...... She sees my heart... Something my exW chose not to do...... That is truly her loss...

I am sure my exW is having a grand old time....... I am sure she is proud of her actions and her life....

Meanwhile, I am pondering a name for my D.... Maybe, Esther.... I have a year or so to figure that one out....

Take Care,

NMD

[one_light]

So I pulled into the strip center parking lot to go buy guitar strings when my ex pulls right up next to me. She must have seen me and raced over. She says that she had gotten my vehicle insurance cards in the mail and that this was going on and that was going on and was all smiles and jocular and chatty. WTF. I have no interest in being her buddy.

I know that to keep DBing means to keep and friendly relationship with her and hope she comes around. I’m not sure I can stomach that. I think what I really want is a clean break so that I can get over her. I don’t want my heart to pound out of my chest every time I run into her in a parking lot. To stand. Huh. I might as well. To detach. I’m trying. I’m terribly afraid that he two may be mutually exclusive.

[one_light]

Also NMD…

You are right. I just can’t see that now. I’m working hard to stop making negative predictions about the future. I simply don’t know. There is simply no way to know what the future holds. God has something in store for me… of that I’m sure. What? That has not been revealed to me. I think maybe I need to show a little more faith for a little more longer.

All manner of things are possible. There could, like you, be someone in my future that will be not only so much better for me, but will benefit from the hard lessons I am learning now. I just don’t know. I need to embrace that instead of fearing it.

Again, your sitch and interest inspires hope. Thanks.

[No_More_Dodo]

So I pulled into the strip center parking lot to go buy guitar strings when my ex pulls right up next to me. She must have seen me and raced over. She says that she had gotten my vehicle insurance cards in the mail and that this was going on and that was going on and was all smiles and jocular and chatty. WTF. I have no interest in being her buddy.

I know that to keep DBing means to keep and friendly relationship with her and hope she comes around. I’m not sure I can stomach that. I think what I really want is a clean break so that I can get over her. I don’t want my heart to pound out of my chest every time I run into her in a parking lot. To stand. Huh. I might as well. To detach. I’m trying. I’m terribly afraid that he two may be mutually exclusive.

one_light,

So, you play the guitar... I play the bass.....

I understand the whole seeing the ex thing.... Actually, I saw a gal who looked very much like my exW walking out of the Chick-fil-A near my house..... We used to go there all the time... She was about twenty yards away as she got into her car... She had the same hair style and color... She had the same jeans...... Same height... She just had a different vehicle.... She mentioned in an e-mail "another car".....

How did I feel? My new W asked, "Was your heart racing? Were you nervous?" I said no..... I really felt a strange sense of peace. I am not impacted by her aymore.....

I understand you not wanting to be her buddy. My exW wanted that at the beginning. I said you are my W or nothing. She took that as I did not care for her as a person.... She did not understand I valued her TOO MUCH to just be her friend....

The cool part of this is you have no commitment to her at all... I would just forget about her...... I would find some female friends to hang out with and possibly date..... If she wants to chase you around town... That is fine...... I would just politely tell her to get in line with all of the other gals....

NMD

[No_More_Dodo]

Also NMD…

You are right. I just can’t see that now. I’m working hard to stop making negative predictions about the future. I simply don’t know. There is simply no way to know what the future holds. God has something in store for me… of that I’m sure. What? That has not been revealed to me. I think maybe I need to show a little more faith for a little more longer.

All manner of things are possible. There could, like you, be someone in my future that will be not only so much better for me, but will benefit from the hard lessons I am learning now. I just don’t know. I need to embrace that instead of fearing it.

Again, your sitch and interest inspires hope. Thanks.

one_light,

Do NOT make negative predictions about the future.... You are creating YOUR future....

To be honest, I was sitting at Chick-fil-A eating my lunch today.... Thinking... Two years ago, could I EVER have dreamed I would be where I am today? NO WAY! My sister, who is a prof at Oral Roberts University, said, "God has a way of changing our lives in ways we never thought possible." That is so true!

I NEVER would have dreamed I would not me married to Kim....
I am not.........

I NEVER would have dreamed I would be married to someone other than Kim....
Well, I am......

I NEVER would have dreamed I would be pondering having children at my age (42)....
I am.....

Let me "predict" the future...... You will get over this terrible obstacle..... You find yourself....... You will find a woman who truly loves and values you....

Hey... Another tidbit from my sister..... She asked, "Why do you have all of those pictures on the internet. Kim could see them." I said, "I do not care if she sees them." My sis said, "Seeing those pictures may hurt her." I said, "It was HER choice to leave. If she feels hurt, SHE needs to deal with the consequences of her actions." My sis said, "I think the thing which will hurt her the most is her knowing you are happy without her..." THAT IS SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to keep this in mind...

Take Care,

NMD

[No_More_Dodo]

Hey... Another tidbit from my sister..... She asked, "Why do you have all of those pictures on the internet. Kim could see them." I said, "I do not care if she sees them." My sis said, "Seeing those pictures may hurt her." I said, "It was HER choice to leave. If she feels hurt, SHE needs to deal with the consequences of her actions." My sis said, "I think the thing which will hurt her the most is her knowing you are happy without her..." THAT IS SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to keep this in mind...

OL,

I should clarify this.... When all of this started, I thought the most important thing would be to finish yet another degree, increase my hourly rate, buy an even bigger house overlooking exW's new neighborhood and build a software empire...... The thing is LOTS of people have $$$, cars, houses and toys.... Many are unhappy.....

What people REALLY admire is happy people..... It has no bearing on the $$$$$$ or stuff...... Happiness is where it is at.... It reminds me of the movie "Family Man"......... In his "alternate" life Nicholas Cage is trying to convince his wife people will admire their lives if they have lots of $$$$$$$$$$.... She tells him they ALREADY admire them because they are happy.... A powerful statement...

I believe happiness is a decision..... I believe the enemy wants to cloud our minds with fear and doubts.... We need to rebuke him and embrace the joy God has for us...

Take Care,

NMD

[faithisbelieving]

One light..much of what NMD says is true. The key now is to stop the analysis. Stop trying to figure it all out.

What happened is now part of your history. Remember, but, close the door on it and go forward. It was not failure but a lesson in life. Grow from it. The first line in the book The Road Less Travelled is "Life is difficult.". We all expect an easy road. It just isn't that way.

Close this chapter and open a new one. As my buddy frank_d says, "you'll be OK".

FIB

[No_More_Dodo]

One light..much of what NMD says is true. The key now is to stop the analysis. Stop trying to figure it all out.

What happened is now part of your history. Remember, but, close the door on it and go forward. It was not failure but a lesson in life. Grow from it. The first line in the book The Road Less Travelled is "Life is difficult.". We all expect an easy road. It just isn't that way.

Close this chapter and open a new one. As my buddy frank_d says, "you'll be OK".

FIB

FIB,

Life is difficult...... A simple AND brilliant observation.... Had I read that a couple years ago.... I would have agreed it is tough in other areas EXCEPT M..... I thought I was M to the "right" woman..... Man, I have NEVER been so wrong in my life....

OL... You just really need to believe God has something for you....

I really attempted to analyze every possible angle when this first happened.... I thought.... If I focus on becoming even more successful.... If I..... If I...... It was driving me crazy...

I learned that what had happened happened.... It was over and done.... I just needed to trust God He had a better plan than I ever could imagine... Way easier said than done....

Once I had some patience, God really started to show me things.... He showed me the truth about Kim.... Who she really was.... That was tough to deal with.... This woman that I loved and adored was not who she really was...

I had serious doubts the woman I wanted to be with even existed anymore.... I simply wanted a Christian woman who understood what M was really about.... M has many ups and downs.....

I remember talking with my friend, Teresa... She asked, "Do you trust God to send you the right woman?" I said, "At this point, no." Well, a couple of days later, God dropped my new W into my life like a meteor from above........ The rest is history... The funny thing is she did not think she would ever find a guy like me...

Take Care,

NMD