I think perhaps after your successful pecks from a few posts back that trying for more this soon may have scared him a bit. I'd just wait a movie time or two before I tried again. He was interested the first time and that to me was a very good sign.
Also, I am in kind of a state of confusion like jaws...must be weather, lol...hard on us all. Brighter days ahead...
gl2u
I think I will take it slow and follow his lead. Thanks for stopping by. I know I have to stop by your thread to catch up with you.
Confusion, yes, ugh. Is it the weather? Could we have ever imagined that our S's would become such different people?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Something DB coach told me the other day which applies...I was referring to response to my papers, but I said something to the effect that I should not do significantly more or less than what my W is doing. And I thought this was the way to be...DB coach said, "NO". I said, "well, is it like she is driving the car and I say lets take a left here." And she said, "no, it's like you take over driving while she rests awhile and then let her drive again when she is ready." Can't help but think that is something that you would like to hear. Of course, I don't know when the next "peck" would be, but you will.
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I know I have to stop by your thread to catch up with you.
I know you are busy...I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts...W friendly lately, more so than before papers...but summon court date soon and who knows if the two are related. Last night I called her and she did something that she hadn't done before and I noticed immediately. It may seem small or maybe it is big I don't know. She had said something about getting off phone, and I said something like I understood b/c of testing...and she said, "don't, don't, just don't even, stop, don't even bother going there, ..." and usually that's the silence or in this case, bye with a click and a dial tone to follow...last night, she continued, and on and on she went, like an additional 10 minutes sharing all about it...her sharing about her stressful day/life and not essentially cutting me out was definitely something different...that's the short, way to long version in the journal #2...
HiC - hope all is well with you...Wanted to let you know something that I got a warped chuckle out of this morning. My W has our summons court thing on the same day as 5D graduation and she doesn't know it...just hilarious to me...court, 5D graduation, and she is going out of town with 5D the next day...I bet that is all screwed up...lmao.
she said, "no, it's like you take over driving while she rests awhile and then let her drive again when she is ready." Can't help but think that is something that you would like to hear. Of course, I don't know when the next "peck" would be, but you will.
So is this in comparison to us "driving" and investing in the M while they take a break? I'm not sure I am understanding the concept, but I would like to hear more.
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W friendly lately, more so than before papers...but summon court date soon and who knows if the two are related. Last night I called her and she did something that she hadn't done before and I noticed immediately....her sharing about her stressful day/life and not essentially cutting me out was definitely something different...
Has she realized yet that the summons date conflicts with 5D schedule? Always a good sign that she is sharing with you.
I have not spoken to H since last Tue. I am supposed to call at least twice a week, consistently. I have been 98% of the time but last week I called only once and this week I have yet to call. At times I feel as if I am doing more harm than good. I have run out of things to talk to him about and ideas for things to do. I fear that our conversations and time together are becoming routine, boring and sometimes even forced. I want our interactions to not only be positive but enjoyable for him. Apart from being cheery and making jokes as often as I can I don't know how to be that person that he wants to build a connection with. For now the spark it gone and I'm stuck here without my matches.
He is also continuing to call me his X and all his new friends don't even know that he is married. My local therapist told me to do more things for me and to ask 10 guys what his motivation is to calling me his X, denying my existence, but not yet filing papers even though I have told him I have let go. Thoughts guys?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
So is this in comparison to us "driving" and investing in the M while they take a break?
I at the time was asking about D papers, but we ended up talking about it more generally...like if she is not calling I shouldn't call. She's not inviting me, so I shouldn't invite her...that sort of thing. But that is when DB coach said "no, it's like you take over driving while she rests awhile and then let her drive again when she is ready." That's why I had the courage to call her a couple times for small reasons. She ended up sharing stuff about work both times. It's small but who knows. She did slip during a VM the other day and said at the end, "gotta go, Love you, (caught herself) no, (and then softly many seconds later), no sorry." So who knows, my point is that everyone once in awhile, like your peck, you do something, like take over driving until you get your clue to let them steer again.
sent her this email, "if you would like, transfer as much money as necessary for your blah blah bill."
short and sweet...didn't mention other debt or reasons why or fears that she may have, concerns, whatever, just put it out there for her. If nothing else, it is mysterious...puts all of those whys in her head. Maybe, she will come up with one that puts me in a good light. Maybe, it doesn't matter...
who knows...
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He is also continuing to call me his X and all his new friends don't even know that he is married. My local therapist told me to do more things for me and to ask 10 guys what his motivation is to calling me his X, denying my existence, but not yet filing papers even though I have told him I have let go. Thoughts guys?
I don't know if I would ask the ten guys, unless they are just completely different people than he would know. Even then, I think you get 10 answers. I imagine most of the WA's would say something similar. Mine probably says she is getting a D or is D'd. Perhaps, we think more about it than they do. Part of this whole mess is acceptance. We don't. But they long accepted it. So, my thought is that they may not even be thinking when they say it. Just 2 cents worth probably less...lol
I don't know what my W calls me. I just bet it isn't good. I know she doesn't call me her husband and she considered herself D'd the day she gave me papers. I too believe my W denies my existence. I believe she does it for 2 main reasons. 1) She wants to be available for other guys so there is no reason for them to even know about me and get scared away. 2) She doesn't have to deal with the ruined relationship (failure) and eliminates any sadness by not even thinking about it.
I would call you my X to let others know I am done with you and to show my availability. By not filing papers, I would be hanging on to feelings and thoughts that I might be throwing something away. That's just my perspective.
He is also continuing to call me his X and all his new friends don't even know that he is married. My local therapist told me to do more things for me and to ask 10 guys what his motivation is to calling me his X, denying my existence, but not yet filing papers even though I have told him I have let go. Thoughts guys?
thought I'd add HiC...if he called you anything else, then what would that mean? Suppose my W referred to me in this way, which I don't even know how she refers to me, just theorizing...if she started saying something to the contrary she would be telling the world a change of heart. So, I'd take it both ways as I've stated. 1) no other way to say it. 2) almost habit - I imagine they don't think much about saying it. Remember it's there choice, so they are probably not thinking about it at all when they say it. 3) saying something different would be telling the wrong people their change of heart - I'd just imagine the spouse would be the first to hear something like lets try...
Thank you guys for your input. I know I can always count on you.
A friend of mine was kind enough to point out that I said it a few times myself when I was the WAW. At the time I didn't realize how disrespectful and hurtful it was at the time. At the same time I wasn't ready to be done with him and our M. So I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I tell ya I am so ashamed of my behavior and I didn't even realize what I was doing or the impact up until now, having to experience from the other end. It is a humbling experience and I pray everyday for his and the Lord's forgiveness.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
