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Originally Posted By: maryangela
...I am doing the Stop Sign thing and it helps.....


Please keep posting WHAT YOU ARE DOING to help yourself! This is a good start!

(I see many request for this from helpful people here. That will help us understand beter and give good adivise...)


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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god, this is just so hard. I try so hard to db, but he knows exactly how to press my buttons, and then forget it. I must db, I must db!!

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I'm better today, but still at a loss. h is spending 2 nights out (of course with ow) and i accept it to a degree. what else can i do? we have to live under same roof for finincail resaons. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am NOT bringing her up or even asking a thing about her or their r. I refuse. I am treating him like a neigbor (advise I got on here).

I AM noticing that when I am pleasant, etc. he is def. "softening" and nicer.

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Originally Posted By: maryangela
...I am NOT bringing her up or even asking a thing about her or their r. I refuse. I am treating him like a neighbor (advise I got on here)....


Great! What 180's are you doing?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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ok guys, hang on to yourhats. I may be pregnant. after h dropped the initial bomb and before I found out about affair we were having sex (I know this is typical now.

Last week I had a very wierd period (sorry guys). very nasuaus .everyting - just like when I was pregnant with daughter. I took two birth control tests. one came up positive, second came up neg (I think). I called obgyn right away. she said I'm showing classic symytoms of pregnancy,but obvously need to come in. This is not until a week from tomorrow. Couldn't get anthingg sooner.

Well, I lovingly (db'd) to h. I told him that I don't expect it to change things.

He literally called me all day yesterday from work. What do I want to do, etc. He said that this complicates things for him (duh!). I just said (very db) thath if it is true, I would like him to love the child like he loves our duaghter now but am not expecting anything more than that.

He then said, if it's true, he wants to work on the marriage.

I didn't respond.

WTF?? now that I am thinking about it, WHY doesn't he want to work on the marriage with the child he has NOW????

I said none of this to him. totally db'd.

When he got home from work he was very quiet and contemplative. I just went to bed.

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I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but my sister and my Mom are both nurses, my sister is actually an OB/GYN nurse. I had the same thing happen with my first pregnancy and my sister told me that you can have false negatives, but you can't have false positives. It can be a sensitive test and need more hCG than your body is currently producing (doubles each day) and show negative, but if it registers hCG, you're pregnant. There's really very, very, very, very little chance of it being false positive.

Crazy.


Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.
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I know it's water under the bridge, but I think I would've waited to tell him until you were/are sure you are pregnant. If it turns out you're not, your telling him you are (or might be) may push him further away once he finds out.

However, if you are pregnant, I truly wish the best for your M and this baby-on-the-way. Hopefully your H will really see this as an opportunity for a fresh start. Also, the fact that this made him say what he did tells me he may not be as far out the door as you might think...

KEEP DBing!!!

GD


Me:29 XW:27
T: 10 M: 7 (2 kids)
Sep: 11/06/06 D'd: 12/07/07
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bump

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That does complicate things. I guess wait and see how a repeat test comes out.

I was going to respond to "can't move out for financial reasons". I don't believe that's true. You don't want him to be put in a hurtbag is what you mean. I'd talk to your lawyer about your legal right to have him leave (and set up him paying c.s. etc). What he is doing with his blatant affair is emotional abuse. It's basically, "I can screw this OW anytime I want and there is nothing you can do about it".

Since you may be pregnant (and I'll withhold judgement on him staying to work on the marriage if that's true), I'd just do nothing drastic for now. I would get more space from him. Maybe leave him at home while you go out.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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thank you for the reply. I don't know what yu mean by "hurtbag". And I'm terrified of him leaving because I'm basically a stay at home mother and haven't really been "out there" and we moved from NYC and I am TERRIFIED!!!!

And yes, I am beginning to move to the direction that I just want him the f out. I can't take it anymore. Even when he's here I feel so angry inside, (don't show it, db) of his ARROGANCE, like he's the f'ing prince of the world, I'm I'm a pathetic nobody.

But I've made a "mini" decision for myself (GAL). I never finished college and this has always bothered me. I was signed to RCA records and music has always been my life. I had always worked "day jobs". Well, the jig is up. I think I want to go back to school and work as a therapist -- I have always wanted to do this besides the music thing.

That is my goal for next week. Begin looking into ways to get back into school.

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