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Originally Posted By: maryangela
...is telling you this is the happiest he's ever been, he's so connected, blah, blah...


"Don't believe anything H says and only 50% of what he does"
-Michele

He is living in fantasy land. The fantasy will end, and you need to be a beter option when it does. Make your changes!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Maryangela,

My only advice for now, is to get more detached. Asking for a kiss on the lips and all the apologizing just sounds needy and desperate to me. With moving more officially into the other room, you should also move mentally away from your husband as well. Don't just separate physically; separate emotionally. Try to get yourself into the mindset that you are separated in all ways until such a time as he more actively pursues a relationship with you; that means no hugging, no kisses (not even on the cheek), and no relationship talks. There is nothing to talk about...he's found his soulmate in someone else. Without even trying, he's got you considering yourself the ogre for his having an affair.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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omg, just me, you are so right. I HAVE been walking around like it's MY fault he did this. Granted, I had a major hand in things going wrong in the marriage, but that is never a reason or justification for an affair.

I've been having problems last couple of days thinkning that she's some fabulous person and I'm nothing. I know she works with him (at a college), so she obviously has a degree. I didn't get my college degree -- I moved to NYC when I was 19 and worked my ass off and got a record deal with RCA instead.

I feel like a piece of [censored] and nothing compared to her right now. And I don't even know anything about her, nor do I want to know. When will this feeling end??? By the way, I'm not braggin, but I've always been a hot number. I'm 38, but everyone tells me I look 25. I'm like 95 pounds, pilates body (hey, rca doesn't sign ugly people -- lol) and YET since this happened, I just think I'm nothing. I SO well read, everything from Capote to Faulkner and everything in between. I KNOW I have all this going for me, but now I'm in "compare and despare" land. I feel like vomiting evertime I think of "them". And H is acting like this is the greatest thing ever and he can't wait to get on with his life with her.

help.

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I think you should try the "Stop Sign" method. When your mind starts going to places that just kill you, visualize a stop sign. Or do the rubber band trick, which I do. I just snap that rubber band when I want to do something that's not good or when I think things that aren't good either.


Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.
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Your self-esteem sounds like it's in the crapper. You might want to consider some individual counseling. There isn't any reason to compare yourself to anyone. If you are comfortable with who you are and the changes you are hopefully making for the better, then he's the one that is missing out. Who cares about this OW? She isn't fit to shine your shoes, regardless of whether she is a rocket scientist, brain surgeon, and supermodel all rolled up into one person. Keep this in mind....many men that walk away choose someone they see as beneath them. If he wants someone to boost his ego, then he's not even man enough for you.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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thank you everyone. I feel like this is the only place I can go. I am quickly finding out that while friends and family love you and care, you can't talk to them about this EVERY day. It's too much.

I am doing the Stop Sign thing and it helps. I guess I'm at this place where I think she "must" be "better" than me if he's willing to leave me and his daughter for her.

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No, it doesn't mean that. It just means that your H is royally confused. And/or deluded. Your choice.


Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.
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Originally Posted By: maryangela
...I feel like this is the only place I can go. I am quickly finding out that while friends and family love you and care, you can't talk to them about this EVERY day. It's too much.


Wow, I have only told 3 people about my sitch. W has told others, but I can't control what she does... Even the people I told, give me advise that conflicts with DR. I understand that they don't want to see me hurt. I trust the advise here so much more than I would from freinds/family etc.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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