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Hi.

I am popping in from infidelity but wanted to say I know how hard it was for you to get through the night. Its horribly painful. And yes, you are right, you woke up this morning, the sun came up, your daughter is happy and healthy and you started the day. You woke up with your morals intact, your H did not. Hold your head high.

I know your H agreed to MC and this is a good thing, but honestly, I don't see why *you* would agree to it at this time. Your H is (sorry) ML to another woman, spending nights away from home, and doing it out in the open. Why does *he* deserve for you to work on the marriage right now? No matter what the situation of your marriage was before the A, the A is never EVER justified. I really question the benefit of MC when there is a third person involved.

Did you move his stuff to another room? I fully agree with this. Don't do it spitefully, and no need to explain a thing to him. He'll understand.

I am so sorry. It feels like it will kill us, doesn't it?

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well, guys, I got through last night. I admit, I took an ambien, but it didn't really last through the night. I was actually better than I thought I would be. I spent all day yesterday during the day crying (quite literally, out in the open, on the street, can you imagine?) and by the evening, I was "cried out", I guess.

But I also had some insights. I will NOT ask him about last night, snoop, remind him of "our family", put guilt on him, nothing. And I am not going to do that just for the satisfaction (because I know he's expecting it today), I'm doing it for me. MY dignity. If this is what he is choosing, I can't stop him right now. It's like trying to get a drug addict to stop taking drugs. One has to reach their own conclusions and see what their actions are doing on their own. I hope this doesn't sound self-rightious , or that I'm acting superior, but the only way I'm going to get through this is to focus on ME and my daughter and how I can make a kick-ass life for myself (and her) regardless of what he does.

Am I angry and hurt today? Yes, of course. My daughter cried (not just "i don't want to go to school, tantrum crying), but buried her head in my chest and cried for her father. It broke my heart. But I stayed strong. I didn't bad-mouth him (would never do that), I just said he had to work (she's 5, so she's a bit young to understand the concept). h and I start mc next week and this is definately one of the issues I will bring up. How we handle our daughter.

Am I feeling sad and rejected? Yeah, I am. This is the first time he has ever stayed out all night. And it would almost be better if he "lied" and said he was with friends or a work thing. But we're past that stage. The truth is out there now.

I realized something this morning. I had to pick up my daughter from school about a half hour after she got there, because she has a fever.

AS I was walking down the hall, I caught a look at myself in this huge mirror. I gotta say, I look damn good for 38 and I got through last night! I'm alive.

I think what I'm realizing is that my h has been closed down emotionally since the beginning of our marriage and (Not to blame him, I have my side of the street as well), but I am realizing that his inability to talk about even the simplest things and his inability to handle any kind of affection except in sex, were huge issues for me that I buried. I'm not saying I want the marriage to be over because he has many great qualities, but what I am saying is, at least for right now, I'm breathing. I didn't die last night. I took loving care of our daughter. I put her to bed last night, I got her ready for school this morning (she didn't feel warm to me and was acting ok), I picked her up right away when called that she had a fever, I just left a message for the doctor. The point is, I did all this in spite of the fact that my husband spend the night with another person. Something I never thought he'd do in a million years.

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omg, I really need help. my daughter is home sick and asked me a million times to call her father. I finally got him on the phone at work and he says he doesn't know if he'll be home again tonight. Doesn't he care about his daughter???? what the f!!!! I can't even believe this.

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I am so sorry.

Do NOT call him again. Sadly, he isn't in a place to provide support or compassion. He of course loves her, but is very lost.

Take care of your daughter. Tell her Daddy is busy working, that he loves her very much, wants her better, and distract her by coloring a picture for him. Change the subject.

I have been there. I had both girls down with the puking flu all night one night, and H wasn't home. I never once called him though. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Take care. You can do this. You are Mommy. \:\)

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now he says he'll be home at 11 tonight. he called the grocery store with his credit cared to I can grocery shop.

I f'ing hate him right now. How wonderful could this chick be that he is acting this way????

Mary

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What have you done for yourself yesterday and today? Have you considered any of the things NikB wrote to you? All I hear is "my H did this and he did that. Help me." That sounds harsh, but what are you doing to help yourself? Yes, you lived the night, but is that all? Did you try to find a way to not just live it, but enjoy it, or at the very least, forget about your H for awhile?


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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Hi just me -- I had a good friend come over for about 3 hours. I actually laughed about other things than my marriage!

I'm really feeling hopeless right now. He's now REALLY in affair mode (was out all night), says he wont' be home until at least 11 tonight), since he was "outed" as having an affair, he's basically acting like he has a free pass.

He is so "sure" that this is what he wants, I really don't see the point in tryng to save the marriage. I know db'ing is for me at the end of the day, but this is so f'ing hard.

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Mary,

I'm glad you had a friend over. Great idea.

I know it feels hopeless. Unless this affair ends, it is. You can't make him quit, but you can do things that make him reconsider what he's doing.

He IS acting like he has a free pass. Know why? Because he does. He knows you are desperate for him so he can do whatever at the moment and if he gets tired of OW, you are right there waiting. If he told you tonight that he's committed to the marriage, can you even say there would be a moments hesitation or that you'd even insist that things be over with OW?

For your own sanity and peace of mind, I will repeat that you should do some things to make it clear to him that you don't approve of this behavior and are not only capable of moving on without him, but willing to. Start with the separation in the same house. Start by reminding yourself that you are a catch. You absolutely DO NOT have to play second fiddle to some woman that would be with a married man. YOU are too good for HIM. Him chooses this trollop over you is HIS loss and not yours. Would you even date a man like he's being at the moment? He has a lot to prove to YOU. Start working to be the woman he'd even be more crazy to leave...and that doesn't mean walk on eggshells or kiss butt. Self-confidence, self-esteem, and unobtainableness are very attractive. Be your best, but don't let him have you. Make him earn you.


In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

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Just Me's advice is excellent.


Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.
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Originally Posted By: maryangela
...AS I was walking down the hall, I caught a look at myself in this huge mirror. I gotta say, I look damn good for 38...


Good feeling isn't it! What else can you do that will make yourself look even beter??


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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