Peace, I think my H is afraid of hurting me. He said so back in January. I am praying that he overcomes that and trusts that he can change, with God's help. I am praying he takes ownership of his issues and changes instead of blaming them on me, God or others. Praying that he focuses on his self-healing on on our M restoration, instead of being distracted by the environment. For now, I think I need to work on connecting with him.
I hope you had fun dancing. I didn't make it to the dance floor on Fri because I had a late medical appointment.
I can't remember if I've ever posted to you before, but I've followed your thread for awhile. I had the same question as Peace. Does this not bother you? Your H going to a concert with a woman co-worker and her kids sends up big red flags for me. The fact that she is in the middle of an "unhappy marriage" herself is an even bigger red flag. I mean, that's the excuse that many of the WAS's have for starting an affair---they are in an unhappy marriage and now deserve to be happy.
I hope it's nothing, and maybe it's my own H's betrayal that makes me so paranoid right now, but just be very careful.
Take care of you and protect yourself.
Last edited by tpaschal; 04/15/0812:43 PM.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
MMF, tpaschal, Thanks for your thoughts. I just got back this morning from a wonderful trip with my 2 sisters and her family.
As for the concert-going question, I doubt he's interested in her. Here's what happened on 4/15 morning. Just as I was walking onto the plane, my phone rings. It was my H and I thought maybe it was about a problem with our dog. But no - he called to wish me a good trip! He was in a very good mood and very sweet. He said our dog was having a great time.... Anyway, then I asked how his concert went. Remember that the concert tickets were free and there were 4 so he had to find 3 other people to go with him. Anyway, the conversation: Me: How was the concert? H: It was awesome. Me: I wish I was there. H: You would have liked it. Me: How did <co-worker> like it? H: (mumbled) Her daughter and daughter's friend were there. [I think he was embarrassed about asking the co-worker along
PH, Welcome back. Glad you had a great time with your sisters and the family.
As for your H calling you, I just can't figure them out.
They do the disappearing act for a while, then they don't call, email and sometimes appear to be bothered if you contact and then out of the blue, when you least expect it, they make the contact.
Why can't they just make up their minds.
You kind of wonder how long it takes the fog to clear.
Remember that as long as there is contact, there is hope
I want to hear more about the vacation.
Btw - I sent an email to my XH expecting no response like all the other emails and guess what.....you got it....after 8 months of no contact from him, he replied. Email was short but sweet. My heart almost skipped a beat.
Glad you're back. Talk to you soon
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
MMF, Thanks for the sweet words. I missed you and the rest of you all too. It was tough not to be able to get online and "talk" to all of you. I had no internet access at all. See my response to ISLH below for an update on my H's visit tonight. He just left!
ISLH, Thanks for the warm welcome back. Yes, I can't figure it out either. Yep, why can't he make up his mind???? There is more to follow on this. Read on...
I am so glad to hear your xH replied. Can't wait to catch up with you about it and about my vacation!
My H just left. It started out real upbeat. I got him takeout. We were eating then he told me I should get prepared for food scarcity because he didn't want me to starve. That made me start crying. H: Why are you crying? I don't want to make you sad. Me: I know you're trying to take care of me. H (looking real upset): I don't want you to be hurt. I was only trying to help. Me: I know, I was reading more into it. H: You thought I was making a statement about us. Me: Were you making a statement about us? H: I think of the very good and the very bad parts of our marriage. . . We went into a deep R talk. He is still terrified of going through the arguments and being sad in the M. Me: It's a matter of choice what we want to think. H: You are right. Me: What are your plans for me? H: It's sad but I have no plan at all.
I told him how thinking of the negative things makes us feel bad and brings on more negative sad thoughts. He agreed. I asked if he was depressed. He thinks so. I asked if he'd consider seeing someone..
He said he blocks me out just like he blocks out the boys because it hurts to think about them and me. He says he doesn't have the energy for anything, including our M, and doing more study which he thinks he should. I asked if it's possible he's lack of energy from depression and not having resolved his issues.
I showed him Michele's marriage breakthrough DVD and said he could watch it with me or watch it by himself. He said it looked interesting. When he was leaving, offered for him to borrow it. He said "Not for the moment".
I also offered for him to join me at church either at the same church or a new one. I offered to be available if he ever wanted to talk to me about anything - doesn't have to be R talk. I told him I was his friend. He said "I know". He also then told me he was my friend.
He told me I should go for someone who can make me happier than he can. I told him I loved him and don't love anyone else.
I asked if he was dating that co-worker and he said "absolutely not" and said they were professional friends. He doesn't even know where she lives.
I asked if he was looking for someone - he said "No". He's content by himself because he's happier now when compared to the very bad times in our M. How sad!!!
I said "Why go through sadness when we don't have to?" I told him I don't want to go back to our bad M either. I think our M can be 10x beter than we even imagined, if we want to make it so. I said we need to stop letting Satan plant evil/negative/bad thoughts in our mind. That we need God to help any M work.
I am praying that God is working on him. I have been praying for God to work on him in a mighty way. I guess maybe God orchestrated this whole thing.
We didn't end up ML. He stayed almost 3.5 hours. So we talked about our M for at least 2 hours. A long time. And neither of us got angry. I was crying on/off whihc is NOT necessarily a bad thing. He used to say I never cried in front of him.
A long night with much to reflect upon. It did hurt that he said blocked me out alot. But then he said he thought alot yesterday about one of the highlights of our M - watching movies together in bed while snowing outside. He sure sounds confused to me.
So I am feeling sad now, yet relieved that we talked. I think it helped him take a break from his destructive thought patterns.