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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Thank you bookpusher. Trying as best I can. I am simply now trying to be a great dad...not say anything to the kids that comes across in the LEAST or, could be misconstrued, as going against mom...thinking thrice before saying anything or texting to her. There will be no further R talk.

I know that some people would say "be careful or you'll give your W a message that you are done and then she'll be done too". That's old stuff and that's OK. When the destruction is this bad...and the trust SO far gone...then if they CAN'T do the work to get the M back, WE..the LBS...should think very carefully about what conditions we would 'go back to the beginning'.

Last night, I left my office around 6 and didn't leave the hospital until about 12:30AM. For the first time in awhile, I got hammered in the ER. When I got home, there was a salad made for me.

FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 969
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The salad was a nice gesture. I don't know aobut the "be careful ...or she'll be done too". It seems like we are always told to portray the message of moving on and getting a life so those two messages don't seem to fit.

I guess right now all we can be is good parents. You are doing better then me in the no talking department. My H is never brought up outside of the C but then, in C, things slip out of my mouth but my DD is a lot older then your kids (16 years). I don't run him down, just stuff like "I know he using an escort service". <sigh>

My H is still basically in no contact after 2 years. <sigh> I don't know which of our stitches is better.


Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.

bomb: Jan 25, 2006
not seen since
DD moved in with H - 9/1/08
H filed for divorce - 11/2008
Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010
still nothing
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Hey FIB,

Just an interesting thought I came across...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S DOSE
----------------------------------------------------------------------


LIFE

Life is a wonderful road, with twists and turns, obstacles along the way, dangerous cliffs to one side, beautiful scenery to the other. And always there are crossroads, places where you can decide what direction to take. And yes, sometimes we wish we could go back and take a different road. But we can't go back. We might sometimes be able to take another road to the same destination, but we cannot go back.

The quality of your life from this moment on depends entirely on the choices you have not yet made. In most cases, you have all the information you need to make the best choices and build the ideal life. You might choose to ignore that information, but you have it.


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Last edited by Virginia; 03/27/08 12:10 PM.
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4kids...thanks for your supportive comments.....and that you are still here. Bookpusher....agreed...my road certainly was a convoluted and bizarre one. The most shocking thing...besides the indiscretions...was how much she lied and also HOW WELL she did it. OMG...as a reminder...one night..she came home a half hour late and she told me that she went to pay a bill at a store which WAS CLOSED. When I asked her about it...she started to rummage thru her handbag to look for a nonexistent receipt.

Otherwise, things are quiet here emotionally in the house. My W is now MEGA MOM since receiving the complaint and I am being pushed out or 'excluded' from doing simple things with the kids. I can't get to bathe my kids now, which, was our time to laugh and kid around. She is going to places like the Stature of Liberty with them....books are being bought...things that should have been done in the past.

Sadly, she is ALSO not telling me updates about the kids that SHOULD be shared as parents (like planning to take our son to the doc..more to come).

I stay upbeat...most of the emotional pain is gone. I try and focus on rebuilding my practice, and, of course, I give every free moment to my kids when I can.

Thanks for all your support.
FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,237
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I think she is focusing so hard on the kids so she doesn't have to deal with her own issues.

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My prayer is that even though her newfound attention for the kids appears to be manipulative from yours and my point of view(as well as masking some of her own issues as pointed out by ford), that it might make an impression on her how much fun it is to be with her kids and what blessings they really are. \:\)

FIB, you have been there for your kids and they know that. They want to enjoy the company of BOTH of you, and deserve that as well. This can be an incredibly tough pill to swallow when we as adults anticipate motivations behind the scenes that are less than admirable. I want to offer you the perspective of celebrating the fact that, if maybe only for a short time period, your kids get to have the mom THEY deserved all along.

Again, my prayer is that what would start out as manipulative would grow into a fondness that endures.

N.

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Hi FIB,

Was reading your sitch. Naturally, I'm not far enough along to offer you any advice. I can, however, offer you a poem of sorts that I like to go back to from time to time.

You were the best of loves,
you were the worst of loves

and you left behind several unintended gifts:

Through you I re-examined my
need (uh, desire?) for one significant
other to share my life.

You commanded in me an unwilling
(but probably much-needed)
re-evaluation of self, behavior patterns,
relationshipping, & a corresponding
change in attitudes;
i.e. growth.

Im nicer to people.

Im more in touch with my feelings,
the things and persons around me, life.

And, of course, a scattering of poems
(the best of poems, the worst of poems)
that never would have happened
without your disruptions.

Thanks.


Me: 35
WAW: 28
Bomb: 1/13/08
S: 1/14/08
D filed: 2/24/08
D final on 7/07/08

Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton



My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
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FIB,

What a wonderful story.

I'm sorry to hear that things seem to still be moving towards D as I had hoped and prayed that it would not.

We've been here for 2 years and I will never forget those first few days; the pain, the agony and the desperation to save our M was our only goal.

While we may not have saved our M, it was not from a lack of trying and certainly not in your sitch. What you have gained is knowledge, strength, faith, courage, compassion and a sense of self. You have survived a two-year journey that not many men (other than those here) would have endured.

I may not have been on the bb much but like you have been thinking about those who have helped me get through the last 2 years and you are one of them. Some days are still tough but they are much better than they were 2 years ago.

I still pray that your W will wake up and see what she will be losing but unfortunately right now it is hard when you're sharing a home. Still following along....

Hugs,
ISLH


Me: 49 - S22 & S26
H: 41 - No kids
M: 10/00
Bomb New Year's Day 2006
H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07
D final 07/07
Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
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How sad:

I received a copy of a letter that my attorney sent to my W's attorney. I would do it verbatim..but..better not to. Her comments:

-she returned his response to him stating it was done wrong...that the first response was about adultery and that we were NOT claiming that....they we claimed cruel and inhuman treatment (1st f'up), so, automatically their first response 'fails'

-that when he AMENDED IT....we would promptly respond

-that my W's counterclaim for $10,000,000 for SLANDER is against the rules in a divorce action, against a state statute, is frivolous and is a $10,000 penalty

-that the defense for a claim of slander is the truth and that we can provide that

Instead of fighting for kids, they chose the punishment route. How sad. Why would anyone want to have themselves defended for slander for adultery?

FIB

More to follow.


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
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Wow. I'm sorry things are getting so nasty for you. All the legal pyrotechnics from her side will eventually hurt her cause. Maintain the high road and it will gain you favor with the Judge.


Me: 35
WAW: 28
Bomb: 1/13/08
S: 1/14/08
D filed: 2/24/08
D final on 7/07/08

Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton



My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
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