Sorry I jumped in like I did... I just feel bad for you too. Your girls sound wonderful and it is a battle trying to understand why a woman throws a family away.... No doubt we all bring bad things to the table and our own set of challenges to any relationship, but once married the commitment is what is the binding thread.... I just wonder myself if people these days understand just how deep that needs to go... Try not to think so much about her and try not to blame or look at what she is doing, etc. Look only into yourself and find what strength you can muster and worry about what you can do... you cannot control anything other than yourself and how you react or respond to the situations placed before you... Yes the hard part is that the pain you face is very real and you feel very powerless I am guessing... I am in the same boat. MLC is a mystery to me, because you can believe it is a MLC, but if your "wife" doesn't believe it or see it or want to see it and is convinced she is done with you, then you have little power to convince her.... I myself am right now battling with do I let my wife go and see if she comes around or do I keep trying so hard to keep it all together... So much stress is put on a man in this situation. It can feel very unfair. I wish the best for you. I myself have begun to resolve that there is nothing for me to do other than let go and hope she may come around, though for me, that hope fades every day. Well, sorry for barging in, but again, best of luck to you... Let's hope we make it through this... Seems to me to be one of the most painful experiences in life... just when you think you have attained what you always wanted, the rug gets pulled out from beneath you and you land smack on your nose... Take care and Happy Easter. Good for you that you can keep strong and go, despite your girls not being there... I've been there... and about to go there again... it is not easy.
Sorry I jumped in like I did... I just feel bad for you too. Your girls sound wonderful and it is a battle trying to understand why a woman throws a family away.... No doubt we all bring bad things to the table and our own set of challenges to any relationship, but once married the commitment is what is the binding thread.... I just wonder myself if people these days understand just how deep that needs to go... Try not to think so much about her and try not to blame or look at what she is doing, etc. Look only into yourself and find what strength you can muster and worry about what you can do... you cannot control anything other than yourself and how you react or respond to the situations placed before you... Yes the hard part is that the pain you face is very real and you feel very powerless I am guessing... I am in the same boat. MLC is a mystery to me, because you can believe it is a MLC, but if your "wife" doesn't believe it or see it or want to see it and is convinced she is done with you, then you have little power to convince her.... I myself am right now battling with do I let my wife go and see if she comes around or do I keep trying so hard to keep it all together... So much stress is put on a man in this situation. It can feel very unfair. I wish the best for you. I myself have begun to resolve that there is nothing for me to do other than let go and hope she may come around, though for me, that hope fades every day. Well, sorry for barging in, but again, best of luck to you... Let's hope we make it through this... Seems to me to be one of the most painful experiences in life... just when you think you have attained what you always wanted, the rug gets pulled out from beneath you and you land smack on your nose... Take care and Happy Easter. Good for you that you can keep strong and go, despite your girls not being there... I've been there... and about to go there again... it is not easy.
Well they came back and the girls did miss me but she did not have much to say. She called me when they came in and asked if i was coming by to see them. I told her I could not be there untill 8pm and that they would be tired and ready for bed and I would see them tomorrow after school..She then called about 15 minutes later and stated that it was important that I should be there and to come at 8pm...I went and put the girls to bed after spending time with them and hearing about their exciting trip. When I was leaving the wife told me that after the first phone call my oldest was upset that I was not coming over and she thank me for coming over....dont know how to read this as a positive or if she just did it because my oldest was upset...Then today I was at the house with kids after school and when the wife got home she did not say much. wife then called me about 15 minutes after leaving and asked if i wanted her to purchase me a ticket to the baseball game in May because my middle daughter is performing the national anthem at the game with her school choir.....Is this a positive also or is just her attempt to make sure I am involved with the kids. She has not brought up the subject of us or talked about our situation in months....I wont bring it up because I think it would be considered pursuing and pushing her...I have been giving her space for 3 months now and she only discusses the kids and scheduled activities.......Its killing me not talking about this.......She acts like everything is just rolling along normally in the brief moments I am around her...but I want to know if she still has not decided on divorce or if she is just buying time till she has her ducks in a row and then she will frop the Divorce bomb on me......She is an attourney and very familiar with family and divorce law and has done divorce cases........Afraid and confused....any insite on these questions would be appreciated...I will be out of town for the next four days on my on little trip and when I get back I really want to have a sit down talk with her ...I dont know if I can hold out much longer...Been separated since christmas day...but the does the fact that she has invited me to see my daughter in May mean she does not intend on doing anything up untill then....I mean I would not invite my husband to this event if I was planning on telling him I am divorcing him in the mean time.....but I am a man and think logically....
zuma, 3 months is not a long time at all, compared to most people here. I do understand that it feels like eternity because I expected my own S to be over in 1 month.
It sounds, to me, that your W realizes how important you are to your kids, and really want you involved in their lives, if even for their sake.
It's hard to say whether she's stalling for time or not. I tend to agree that if she doesn't care about the M, she probably wouldn't want you around in May for the baseball game.
If I were you, I would not initiate R talk with her. It might set you back more. It would be pursuing and pushing her... If she hints about R talk, then that's a different story. -PH
Thanks for you support. I think you may be right..I will keep you posted...heading to Atlantic City tomorrow and will be back next week...See if she misses me any...doubt it she has not missed me yet...Or she puts up a good act....I feel better tonight because I spent the evening with the kids...they told me how much they missed me while they were on their trip ...the little one even cried for her Dad near the end of the trip...I love them and do not want to be a part time Dad....
Well I came back from my trip and she served me with divorce papers.....I guess this game is over. I feel hopeless that she will change her mind and after crying over her for the past 3 days am tired. I now have given up and am preparing myself for the fight ahead and difficult transition. But somewhere in the back of my mind I know this is the wrong choice for my family and marriage. Nothing seemed to work in geeting her back on board.
zuma, So sorry to hear about the D papers. The game is not necessarily over. I have seen people change their minds about a D, even at the last minute. I hope you find the strength you need for the D procedure and that you are still able to prove her wrong in her decision by the changes you have made in yourself. Her seeing your continued and lasting changes can cause her to wonder about her decision. -PH
Hey guys... I just posted a motivational/success story..but I posted it in the wrong forum. I meant to post it here! I posted it in the thinking about leaving forum. Zuma....all hope should not be lost!!! I served my h divorce papers in Aug 07 and hopefully by Aug 08 we'll have a marriage better than the one we had before. NEVER STOP HOPING AND NEVER BELIEVE THAT IT'S TOO LATE!
Me 40, live in WAW H 39 married 9 yrs seperated 18 months, apart 7 months D 4, 16 S 6, 19
so great to hear from you! i read your update and just wanted to say that I am very happy for you that your situation has made a turn for the better. thanks for sharing and best of luck to you and your H.
keep us all posted from time to time.
Me: 35 WAW: 34 T: 7.5 yrs M: 3 yrs (2/14/05) no kids ILYB...& EA Bomb 1/5/07 S - 6/15/7 PA started 6/16/07 D Final 10/14/08
Christmas day? OUCH. Any day is bad but Christmas day JEEZE! You are amazing to keep so positive.
I think you need to detach, for your own sanity more than anything else.
It is early days for her, she is no doubt still angry and wanting to vent that by showing you just how much she hurts.
My own H is only just losing the anger after 8 months. You have a way to go yet.
Do what you have to do to make yourself feel good. Treat yourself do whatever you need to do to remind yourself that you are a good person and worthy of more than this treatment.
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
