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A Message from Michele
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Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74528
05/27/02 08:29 PM
05/27/02 08:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,893
Philadelphia, PA
Wilma Offline
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Wilma  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,893
Philadelphia, PA
Poor me. [Roll Eyes] Eight months. Different houses. No sex. Blech. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't look so damned good -- lost 30 pounds in the last year, bought new clothes after he moved out (nothing fit). Sigh. Well, maybe soon.

quote:
I Love Him... what ELSE am I to do?
[Cool] wilma

[ May 27, 2002, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Wilma ]


I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke
Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74529
05/27/02 11:42 PM
05/27/02 11:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 149
Ultreya Offline
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Ultreya  Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 149
17+ months.... under same roof since Dec. 01... sep. beds.... but whose counting.... ouch!!! [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

U

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74530
05/31/02 06:44 PM
05/31/02 06:44 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,234
Phoenix Offline
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Phoenix  Offline
Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,234
2 + years...right before my fabled "peak" [Mad] .

But that's changed a couple of times and it's like Eddie Murphy used to say "Boy, that's a good Ritz Cracker".

Hey TrEE, whenever you get rolling on that mystery novel, just let me know [Big Grin] . BTW, I think you have the perfect style to pull it off!

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74531
06/02/02 10:36 PM
06/02/02 10:36 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 348
NS
darmar Offline
Member
darmar  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 348
NS
Ok 13 months since moving out to give the space!

I feel like an infant.

Tree you have applauding H's magnanomous gestures, and at the same time question the lack of trust for him to not tell you about it. So what remains is why.

Figure that one out and you might be around here a lot less. gulp! I mean really it doesn't matter if it is founded or not it is there.
Your down this week are you not!

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74532
06/03/02 09:58 AM
06/03/02 09:58 AM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,211
Canada
treesa2 Offline OP
Member
treesa2  Offline OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,211
Canada
Trust... yeah the biggie Dar... well hard to trust one who really has a thick protective shell around him. He keeps the walls up yet makes the right moves.

AM heading to the province next door to you Dar... three city tour... of hospitals and universities... And for the FIRST time... HE came to me gave me a hug AND a "real" kiss and said "have a good trip" This has not happened before. It's nice. Small things... and slowlee slowlee... we are getting there.

My C says he may never break through his shell... too much pain on the other side, too many things to work through. If I can know it and live with it... and realize he's never gonna change... then we should be ok. He's a good man.. (with issues!) [Big Grin] and I love him.... Hurts like hell watching it, knowing there are ways to heal, but if he doesn't want to take that path....there's nothing I can do. THey are NOT my issues except where they affect our R... so I deal with that... and work to keep it together... if I can accept that... then... it will work I believe. He's not gonna change.

Tree

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74533
06/04/02 10:15 AM
06/04/02 10:15 AM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,694
ANS Offline
Member
ANS  Offline
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,694
Hi tree,

Your H may or may not break through his shell, but one thing’s for certain. You won’t break through it.

Another thing you should realize is that he may not be hurtin’ as bad as it appears. I’ve had a tough childhood too. It still hurts me sometimes, but when I’m hurtin’ the most, something my father once told me always pops into my head, “When your mother died, you (kids) stood back to back against the word.” Why do I always think of this? Because, though I don’t brag about it, I’m proud of the way I handled diversity. Amidst my pain, there was (is) pride. Sounds kinda warped, but it was my path to healing.

Maybe it’s your H’s path too. Maybe he has issues, but I don’t think you should sweat them. He’s dealing with them. All you have to do is to support him when he allows you to, and to let him deal with them by himself when he doesn’t. (which is also a form of support)

I also wonder about the things that you say you’re coming to realize that you can’t change. Has he always been that way? I know he’s always had an elevated sense of responsibility. I can guarantee that this aspect will never change. It’s a source of private pride, as I stated above.

But, if he was more demonstrative (for example) earlier in your R, then I think he can “change” back. It’s not an ingrained value for him to be reserved. Of course, you can’t force him to be more demonstrative, but it could still happen.

TTFN,
Andy


Andy
Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74534
06/04/02 11:07 AM
06/04/02 11:07 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 7,345
New England
inmyplace Offline
Member
inmyplace  Offline
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 7,345
New England
tree,

It was good to read your last post. Congratulations on making a decision as to how you will live and the acceptance of your situation.

Should you change your mind, I'll give you a great deal on a 2x4!!!

IMP

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74535
06/04/02 01:57 PM
06/04/02 01:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 5,689
Melbourne,Australia
Mick Offline
Member
Mick  Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 5,689
Melbourne,Australia
Hi Tree,this is a nice happy little thread.
Not a sombre hanging judge to be seen any where.... [Big Grin]

<i><b>Royce(MICK) [Smile]

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74536
06/04/02 02:37 PM
06/04/02 02:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,785
Duchess Offline
Member
Duchess  Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,785
Tree..you may think your H will never change and we all know we cannot change a person.

Here's my 2 cents.

WE cannot change them.
We can only change ourselves.
BUT by changing ourselves and the way we respond to them..they can and do change.

Make sense?

Duchess

Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee #74537
06/04/02 03:24 PM
06/04/02 03:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,694
ANS Offline
Member
ANS  Offline
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,694
And remember what we discussed last week? Y'know. The stuff about how, though he's changed, his core values - his true self hasn't?

I still stick by that.


Andy
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