Poor me. Eight months. Different houses. No sex. Blech. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't look so damned good -- lost 30 pounds in the last year, bought new clothes after he moved out (nothing fit). Sigh. Well, maybe soon.
Trust... yeah the biggie Dar... well hard to trust one who really has a thick protective shell around him. He keeps the walls up yet makes the right moves.
AM heading to the province next door to you Dar... three city tour... of hospitals and universities... And for the FIRST time... HE came to me gave me a hug AND a "real" kiss and said "have a good trip" This has not happened before. It's nice. Small things... and slowlee slowlee... we are getting there.
My C says he may never break through his shell... too much pain on the other side, too many things to work through. If I can know it and live with it... and realize he's never gonna change... then we should be ok. He's a good man.. (with issues!) and I love him.... Hurts like hell watching it, knowing there are ways to heal, but if he doesn't want to take that path....there's nothing I can do. THey are NOT my issues except where they affect our R... so I deal with that... and work to keep it together... if I can accept that... then... it will work I believe. He's not gonna change.
Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee#74533 06/04/0210:15 AM06/04/0210:15 AM
Your H may or may not break through his shell, but one thing’s for certain. You won’t break through it.
Another thing you should realize is that he may not be hurtin’ as bad as it appears. I’ve had a tough childhood too. It still hurts me sometimes, but when I’m hurtin’ the most, something my father once told me always pops into my head, “When your mother died, you (kids) stood back to back against the word.” Why do I always think of this? Because, though I don’t brag about it, I’m proud of the way I handled diversity. Amidst my pain, there was (is) pride. Sounds kinda warped, but it was my path to healing.
Maybe it’s your H’s path too. Maybe he has issues, but I don’t think you should sweat them. He’s dealing with them. All you have to do is to support him when he allows you to, and to let him deal with them by himself when he doesn’t. (which is also a form of support)
I also wonder about the things that you say you’re coming to realize that you can’t change. Has he always been that way? I know he’s always had an elevated sense of responsibility. I can guarantee that this aspect will never change. It’s a source of private pride, as I stated above.
But, if he was more demonstrative (for example) earlier in your R, then I think he can “change” back. It’s not an ingrained value for him to be reserved. Of course, you can’t force him to be more demonstrative, but it could still happen.
Re: piece by piece like slowlee slowlee#74534 06/04/0211:07 AM06/04/0211:07 AM