Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 16 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 15 16
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
Originally Posted By: Jay Scott
Christa and HIC, did you both really believe it when and if you said ILYBNILWY? And what were you thinking during the months of separation? Were your H's ever mad at you during that phase and did it push you further away?
I swear to you it was like a totally different person had invaded my wife's body.


I never told my H ILYBNILWY only thought it. During the sep. I was thinking I care about him, but I just don't have any hope that I will love him again or that things between us will improve. We are just two different people who can't communicate and will always be in conflict because of our different personalities and opinions. The following things that my H did or did not do pushed me away:
1. Pressuring me
2. Getting upset with me
3. Acting sad around me
4. Not working to change his behaviors (I don't blame him for this. We had a well meaning therapist who did not practice solution-based therapy and allowed us to argue every time we saw her)
5. Not understand or trying to understand my feelings or opinions. At times he would put thoughts/words into my head/mouth. He would say this is just how I am.

I tell you, looking back, it does feel like an alternate personality took over.


Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
HiC, if you have some time could you give me some insight into the latest with my WAW and specifically schedule junk...latest in my solution journal.

Flirting with you sounds good...at least that's what it seemed like when H said that comment.

gl2u



Current
Solution Journal
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
jmw,

Thanks. See your solution journal.


Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 159
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 159
HIC,

Hey you...It has been a while since I have been here, but I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate all that you share. I have been working really hard on things and think I may have a handle on it. Now I believe that it is a matter of time for me and to keep praying for my W and to have the strength to continue my stand.

How are you? I have sent a prayer or two in your direction that things may turn a corner for you. Keep up the good work, you will be able to do this if you can hang in there. You continue to inspire me.

-Bryan


Me-45
W-34
T-5
M-3 1/2
s-10
s-12
ILYBNILWY 12/26/07
Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08
1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
Thanks HiC...really appreciate it. 2nd person today - one in real life, to say I am doing well. For some reason, this schedule junk feels negative, but I think I am doing the best I can. I suppose like last month...it will pass and then all friendly again. Maybe as her work slows her anger, tired will pass...

you are such a big help to us all...thanks again...



Current
Solution Journal
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
Bryan,

Hey stranger. Thank you for the prayers. I continue to pray for you as well. I see that you are still standing strong and it is inspiring to read about.

Things are going well. I do get weary at times as we all do, but everyone has given me so much support and strength. Friendship with H is going well and I hope that he will eventually feel comfortable enough to let himself have feelings for me once again.

How are things going for you?


Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 159
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 159
HIC,

I can tell you that the best thing that I did to deal with my sitch has been to stop neglecting my relationship with God. I get my strength to stand for my M from him. I have discovered that if I want to stand I have to first hit my knees.

I have committed to stand for our M for as long as it takes. I didn't get married for just a few years. I love my W and always will no matter what the circumstances are. Right now she is in the WAW fog. I know that she is not herself. I have been positive, as helpful as possible, I also give her plenty of space. In the meantime I do a lot of praying and have found that the best self help book is the bible.

I believe that I will reap the benefits of prayer and patience. I have faith that we will eventually have a restored marriage and family. I hope that you also have trust in God's promise to resurrect your M.

I have to tell you that I bought a new bible and when I opened it to where the company put the small ribbon book mark it was in Psalm 40. It was exactly what I needed. If you get the chance look it up. It helps me greatly.

Each and every day I lay my pain, hurt, anger, frustration and fear a the feet of Christ. When I pass it off to him I am able to get through to the next day. I pray that your H sees your heart for what it is and how strong and committed you are. He will then see that you are still the woman he wants in his life.

Keep up the good work...you are awesome!

-Bryan


Me-45
W-34
T-5
M-3 1/2
s-10
s-12
ILYBNILWY 12/26/07
Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08
1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
This is what helps and guides me.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6



Current
Solution Journal
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
Bryan and JMW,

Thanks guys! Since the bomb I have been going to church every Sunday and recently started going to a study group and last week began a class at church called "Lord, I want to know you." I truly believe my sitch was God's way of getting my attention. Well, you certainly have it Lord. I only worry that I am not doing enough. He has without a doubt given me more than I ever deserve and I continue to trust that he will restore my marriage and yours.

Thanks again for the kind words, encouragement, and references.

No Sir, you are awesome!


Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 451
Originally Posted By: jmw128
For some reason, this schedule junk feels negative, but I think I am doing the best I can.


Does she fight you on the schedule? Is that why you see it as negative? If she does I am sorry to say you may have to concede where you can. Don't be a doormat, that's not attractive, but take the wind out of her sails. Does it suck, absolutely. Why do they get all the power? I wish I knew. Being out of control is a foriegn feeling to me, but like I said in the post above I think in my own sitch it is God trying to humble me.

Hang in there!!!


Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Page 10 of 16 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 15 16

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard