testa I know that I need to give her space and I do try,but the other night when we were talking I asked her if it bothered her if I ask her out and she said no that she wasn't an asker so I needed to and that if she didn't want to she would just say no.We went out to supper this last weekend with another couple and the kids and it was great.Then she asked me to come over and mow her lawn and I ate dinner again there sunday.She is just so confusing sometimes.
Another new twist now even after telling me a week ago to keep asking her out she said I was pushing her this week when I ask her out.Now i got an invite to my XSIL B-day party and I know XW will probaly be there and I don't know if I should go.it will be a big drunk and I know I would have a hard time dealing with her being drunk and any other guys around.In fact there is probaly only one way I would deal with it.Tonight when I ask her out and she said no I scewed up and told her she had to at least try and she said again that she was.I told her I didn't know how long I could do this without something regular from her(not sex) and she said that if I couldn't wait till she was ready then she must not be the right woman for me.WHAT?That came from my XW who still has all of her stuff at my house and ask me everyday to do something for her and stopped her lawyer from taking the money out of my 401K.I need to know do I go dark or what?
STOP CONTROLLING her. You are not respecting her. Two issues I see that you need to work on; 1) Jealousy and 2)Control....
You are going to push her away. Don't go to the party, don't say anything..Let her call you an wonder where you were....she will not be around other guys....she still loves you...dont lose it...
Thanks guys,I know thats what I need to do and I am bound to try alot harder.It would be so much easier if she didn't work 100 feet from my office but then again as small as this town is thats almost all the way across town.We see each other everyday even if it's just driving down the street.She told me to keep asking her out because she wasn't an asker so do I back off that too and when she gets desperet enough she will call.She did ask me to go with daughters on field trip with school,she will ride bus and I will drive with youngest d.She says she is trying so I guess I have to be the one to decide to stay or go.
Randy, I agree with Testa an JJ. You need to back off a little and give her room to make her decisions. She is the pace car in this race. Sit back and enjoy the scenery on your journey to reconciliation. What you learn now will be a tremendous asset later on.
Remember....slowlee..
Just a side note: You had mentioned on my thread that your XBIL and his X remarried after 4 years. I'm curious how this came about.
It was kind of weird because living in a small town we all grew up together and partied together.My XBIL drank quite a bit and she didn't like it so they split up and she moved in with another guy,he stayed friends and then he was in an auto accident and that was when she said she realized that she still loved him and he quit drinking and they got back together.Now she is the one that parties all the time.Should i ask her out at all since she said she wasn't an asker and told me to ask her?I have been backed off all week and she hasn't wanted to do anything this week when a couple of weeks ago we were together several nights and she even got frisky a couple of times nothing happened just flirting.I don't get her
Well she called,I hadn't said much to her all week and this afternoon she called and asked if I would do something for her and I did and she ask me to stay for supper we even talked about everyday stuff.She asked me to get her a job where I work,"not yet",but I didn't tell her that.I don't understand why she won't tell me bye when I leave,I try to always leave before I wear out my welcome.
Maybe the next time you are together and the moment seems "right" you could casually bring up some movie that looks good, and ask her if she would like to see it with you. If she says "no", just say "okay" and accept her response and talk about something else.
A movie may be a good first step, since there is little one-on-one conversing. After that, she may be able to move on to the next dating step.
Just a thought.
Good luck. I am keeping an eye on you. You are giving me hope.
It's great that XW is spending more time with you and the kids as a family. Build on that and don't focus on dating right now. Don't bring up dating for the next month.
How about snatching some "date" time without her realizing it? When she's over, get the kids into their own activity - rent them a video, or get some new coloring books and crayons or play dough - then you have some "alone" time talking to XW - about anything except your R. After the kids are in bed, take out a video you rented and invite her to stay and watch it with you. Once she's done that, then see if she wants to go out to the movies.
Use Mother's Day to your advantage. Ask XW to go to church as a family. Take her out to eat, or cook for her at your place. Have the kids make her cards or pictures. Give her a card from you thanking her for being the mother of your children. Give her a flowering plant from the kids. (She'll think of you everytime she waters it!) Take the family to the park - go on the swings, the slides, blow bubbles, etc. - just hang out with XW and kids and enjoy.
Don't go to that party. Give her space. You are still the pursuer and XW is the distancer. This is your chance to turn the tables and give her the freedom and independence she wants. Show her that you've changed. If she goes alone to the party, she'll be with other couples and she just might miss being a couple - with you.
Your glass is half full, not half empty! I know how difficult this has been for you. You're the fisherman and she's the fish. She's taken your bait and you've got your hook in her, but you're trying to reel her in too fast. Don't let the fishing line that connects you get broken. Take it slowly, one revolution at a time. Slow and steady wins the race.
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