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A Message from Michele
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Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: cat03] #1386936
03/15/08 04:16 AM
03/15/08 04:16 AM
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oldtimer Offline
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oldtimer  Offline
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OK, I 1/4-way believe you, but STOP TALKING TO HIM. These phone calls are getting you nowhere.

"I talked to him last this pm. I do find myself repeating myself again and again"

SO STOP TALKING TO HIM...

"He hasnt' called again so that's good."

If he calls again, guess what, you STILL don't have to talk to him.

"STBX, if you are confused, I'm sure the mediator can send you notes on our meeting. I'll see you at our next appointment."

Good idea to call your accountant :-)


Best,
Oldtimer
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: oldtimer] #1387088
03/15/08 02:10 PM
03/15/08 02:10 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
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Matilda2 Offline
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I agree about not talking to your H outside of mediation. It can be so difficult (that is said with experience!!!) so having Oldtimer's "line" ready would be helpful.

Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: cat03] #1387507
03/16/08 03:58 AM
03/16/08 03:58 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
East coast
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cat03 Offline OP
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cat03  Offline OP
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ok, that's a good thing to tell him, he does have some nerve, he didnt' take any notes, asks for a copy of mine, then later on says he can't believe anything on those notes about the house appraisal since they are on my handwriting, dunce!

He hasnt'called and i'm glad, i always get this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach when he calls.

it blows my mind to think that on one friday he says (after the big head on with crying ow at his moms that now that the truth was out and ow out of the pict that he wouldn't have that pressure from her and could think, at night he calls even wondering why he was so mad & depressed a few days ago, then 4hrs later calls me to tells me he wants to move back to ow.
ARGHGHH, still trying to fix the past, seems like we were so close to fix things but then again, if he is that fickle who knows what would've happen 4mhts later, would I'd be in the same limbo as the past 7mths?


This whole things still seems a bit unreal. i think it will be a bit more real tomorrow, I'm finally telling my family, H actually said I should tell them after we sign, dork, and ask why should i tell them now. I know he's afraid that they will change my mind about cooperating with him and being so lenient about CS.

OK, so by tomorrow night I need to decide
1-Payment plan, if indeed we go with my plan to buy him out, i have to pay him 8,000 in 5yrs, I got no $ now and will have to learn to live with my paycheck which is half decent and his CS

2- Wheter to give him one of the kids to claim, not every year, perhaps every other year? I will already be claiming all the house's excemptions.

3- At the end of the 5yrs, after I've paid him off all the $, what is going to happen to CS? will it go back up to the original amount? THe mediator suggested having it recalculated, the kids wont' need any more child care but would still need other stuff as they grow up, we both will prob make more, he did sait it'd be hard to figure out what would happen in 5yrs.

I'm glad I'd talking to my family, they'll help me think, though I am afraid all they'll tell me is to screw him up good for leaving.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: cat03] #1387548
03/16/08 05:25 AM
03/16/08 05:25 AM
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Matilda2 Offline
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How did your family react? Is it a relief to have it out in the open? My H didn't want to tell anyone either. I still haven't told anyone at work.

Here child support is based on a % of the income.

Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: Matilda2] #1392685
03/17/08 03:51 AM
03/17/08 03:51 AM
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cat03 Offline OP
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my family was surprisingly quiet, I was expecting more anger... then again I didn't mention ow nor the hell I've been through these past months, the alianation, the hurtful lies. They were really surprised I kept the whole thing from them, perhaps a bit hurt i didn't trust in them, told me how they would do anythng for me (I always knew that \:\) )

I had to tell H about a changed dentinst appt for tomorrow, and lo and behold he tells me that he wants in writing that i wont leave the country while the kids are little, (fine by me), then he said the state! til kids are of age!! wth???
OK< so I know many people up and leave with kids (for many reasons) and the other parent is left without seeing them as often. He's obviously been told that and now says he'll fight me tooth and nail to make sure it says legally I cannot move out of the state with the kids.

THat we'd stop mediation if I want to fight him on that, inmediatly, that he doesnt' want to loose his kids if I decide to move back to my country (which is never) or move out (hightly unlikely but...). To me is akin to tying my neck on a rope, he says he doestn' care were I go, it is about the kids.
GREAT, now I have to look into that and see what can happen if we were to go to court, grrrr!!!!!!


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: cat03] #1393009
03/17/08 05:55 PM
03/17/08 05:55 PM
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oldtimer Offline
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Cat,

I really really really recommend that you buy him out NOW. Take out a loan, give him the cash NOW. In exchange, be a bit more demanding some place else. For, he will find the $8000 up front very appealing for a variety of reasons. He can apply it toward debt, spend it on a new life in various ways.

The LAST thing you need is for him to have a business interest in your house for the next 5 years. It is SOOOO not worth saving a few thousand dollars here, trust me.

Don't tie the child support to the house thing. Get the amount you are legally entitled to. YOU can spend the extra to pay off a loan for the $8000 to get STBX clear of your house. Why set something up now that has to be renegotiated?

How does this sound?

(1) You pay him $8000 to get his name of the deed of your house, NOW.

(2) He pays you the full amount of child support, starting NOW.

(3) Keep all the exemptions for the kids -- he should be willing to do this for the $8000 up front. And, of course you will keep them for YOUR house.


Best,
Oldtimer
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: oldtimer] #1393109
03/17/08 07:40 PM
03/17/08 07:40 PM
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cat03 Offline OP
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jeez, I had not thought about it like that, plain and simple. I do want him out of my hair, he is now refusing to take his name off the deed 'til he is fully paid.

I'm going to check how much a loan of that size would cost me, it would be so worth it.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: cat03] #1393326
03/17/08 11:33 PM
03/17/08 11:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Midwest
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EmtnRllrCstr Offline
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Cat,

I have not posted to you before...heck I don't really post much anymore...but thought that this might help.....

I ended up buying my WAW out of our house. Her 2 options were to take what I was offering(more on that later) or sell the house and get half of whatever we got. WAW ended up taking the money....

How much did I buy her out for? Well I took the appraisal that she got on the house, minus typical closing costs, minus typical Realtor fees and divided that in 1/2. She took this as me nickel and dimming her but I really did not care. Those were her options.

I don't know if you have the ability to take that kind of stand...but it might lower the money you would give him even further.

As for claiming you kids on your taxes.... The mediator might have something to say about that. I only have my DD's 45% of the time and get to claim them both, except every third year I only get to claim one of them. But don't be disheartened if that happens to you, you will always be able to claim head of household which should give you a tax break.

I hope all is going well in your world.

Take Care,
Scott

Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: EmtnRllrCstr] #1393408
03/18/08 01:29 AM
03/18/08 01:29 AM
Joined: May 2006
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believing_isaiah43 Offline
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{{{cat}}}

takes me so long to read and catch up in my stinking-limited spare time, i apologize that i can never offer more than hugs and prayers for you in a quick post.

i am SO glad Oldtimer is posting to you b/c she is so wise and you are in good hands. All your posters are wise and caring and i am grateful. i'm still checking in with you though!

Do not be terrified; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9


Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19

If it seems slow in coming, wait.
It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3

Part 4
Re: save a spot, will be here at some point [Re: believing_isaiah43] #1393451
03/18/08 02:12 AM
03/18/08 02:12 AM
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oldtimer Offline
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Scott --

GREAT point about deducting closing costs and realtor fees from expected profit on the house.


Best,
Oldtimer
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