Here’s another dilemma. MC seems to be going no were right now. When I see C solo she agrees that my W is wrapped in a victim mentality and needs to get over that if we are ever going to move forward. But when we couple C she lets my W spew at me for 45 mins and then looks at me and asks how I feel about that. I can only say “ I’m sorry you feel that way. I see the consequences of my actions are long reaching” so many different ways. The other problem is my W looks for any sigh to be mad so im scared to cancel our current counselor. I was thinking about saying something to the effect that since I am seeing the current counselor for my anger management ( witch I’m glad to say the C says its more frustration management, as she doesn’t see a anger problem) that we see someone else so we don’t get a biased view. But W seems to want to look for any reason not to go as it is.
That's one of the best descriptions I've ever seen of what it truly is to GAL and the value of it. I'm gonna copy your post and keep it as a reminder to me. I can definitely use the reminder from time to time. I believe we all can.
Maybe you could bring this up with the C in you individual session. You could ask that it be explained why it seems in one session you are left feeling you are being adviced that W has some issues to work through, while in the other you feel you're being told it's you with the issues. And all the while, you don't understand what to do with the conflicting information. Of course, don't let me put these words into your mouth. Do this only if it makes sense to you.
If the C is spending the time in your personal sessions trying to help explain your W's behavior instead of trying to help you be a better Marcum, maybe you need a different individual C, while keeping this C for couples work.
i think i will do that. I'm seeing my W toommorow at C. i desided im going to try something. when its done i will walk out and not try to talk to he runless she talks to me. the only hint of seeing her next week will come when we disuce our nexr C session.
but i will also let heer pain wash over me and not succome to it. i will continue to express understanding of the consequences of my PAST and the hope for a FUTURE. My wife is so scared and hurt right now. she is only protecting herself. i realise the pain is there for her as well as me. i will work on WAS info. i will walk in and be so Fin upbat it will kill me. but i will no longer cry with her. i will be supportive of her pain and cry on my own time. i have plenty of that.
I realy cant type in my squad car!! I had to go in and cover for someone so they could go to court and now going back to read i see its painfull for ME to read lol!
well my W called just now. asked what i was doing. told her i just did a load of laundry ( which is something she always wanted me to do so even though i have to do it since im alone i hope she still sees it in a good light) anyway she stated she needs my tax forms because she is going to her parents house and doing our taxes there. I play it cool and actuasly end the call myself. now the old me would be a little sad because i told her that i had off this week thur- sat ( i work 6 on 3 off) but sice i have zero expectations i told her taht i was going with a friend to watch a powerlifting event on sat and see another buddy fri night. i didnt tell her this untill she told me she was going to her parents house. this way if she wanted to do something i still could have but since she dosent i still have plans to fall back on
Sounds like you played it well, Marcum. Nice job. One hour, one day, one week at a time.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
My C just called me at hoe. She heard I ordered the 5 love languages and she said she was reading it right now. My c said she wanted me to try and bring a gift to MC tonight for my W. I’m trying to pull back and give her space and I’m told to do this!? The ONLY thing I can think of is a sandwich shop on the way to MC sells soup my W likes. I could bring her a bowl because I stopped there before MC to get my own dinner. But that might seem fishy. INPUT GUYS! This is the first time my C ever called me. And she is the expert, but man I was going to try to make space.. C told me she thinks this will work because of when I gave her flowers for V day, and my W actually came home to take a nap with me. But we are in different place since then so I’m nervous. Does the soup thing seem weird or ok. HELP!!
