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craig54 Offline OP
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the enemy(satan) has been knocking at my door trying to derail my dbing efforts. i can feel that something is going to happen. i do know what, but i can sense it. i just need to pray constantly.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
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craig54 Offline OP
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trying to explain db'ing to my boss was entertaining. no concept. he said because w filed that should mean it is over. i said "not so". will not to explain further. he does not understand that i want my marriage restored. i want my wife. i want my family intact. it is the Lords will.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
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COG Offline
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Craig,

It'll be VERY difficult to find anyone that understands the struggle, the battle YOU are waging right now. 99.9% of people would just accept the D papers, go find a new love, and move on with life. In the meantime, they'll have missed out on one of the greatest opportunities of their lives. The chance to be humbled, to take a hard look at themselves through the eyes of the beings that know them best, their spouse and their God.

No, you'll have to look long and hard before you'll find anyone that understands. If you find a couple that were separated and or divorced and then reconciled, you'll probably find understanding. Otherwise, most people, family included, just can't understand. The understanding comes with the experience. If they haven't experienced it, they won't understand it.

God Bless the Struggle!

Love,

COG


My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
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craig54 Offline OP
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just got back from week long business trip. everything at home seems to be the same. wife still has not made effort to move out. she seems content to just live in the guest bedroom and live life. 5-1/2 months of no affection is really wearing on me. i pray for some kind of positive sign soon. acutally have thought about pulling the plug on this whole mess a few times over the last two weeks. i know the Lord is working , i just need to be patient. the struggle is refining me as a person. i need to remember that more often.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Joined: Mar 2004
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COG Offline
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Craig,
Quote:
5-1/2 months of no affection is really wearing on me.
That's definately painful. Now not to minimize your pain, but 5-1/2 months is a sneeze, an eye blink. It could take YEARS for your W's heart to change. I think it might be easier for you to not count the days, months etc. Rather, look back at who YOU were 6 months ago, and compare that to who YOU are today. Measure your struggle in increments of change, not time.

Keep working on YOU! Keep praying, keep hoping, keep doing the things that bring you closer together, and stop doing the things that divide you. It's a long game.

God Bless,

COG


My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
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craig54 Offline OP
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cog, i am not the same man i was 6 months ago, i believe that is one of the reasons my wife is still at home.it is so easy to get caught up in the negative side of the equation. sometimes i forget about the progress in the situation. but we all are bombarded by the worlds ideas of the ultimate relationship, based on sex and only sex. i just spent 3 days in Las Vegas. so much temptation, so much flesh. i could not wait to get out of there. you are right about not getting stuck on the time issue. we are getting along great to be honest with you. it is all superficial stuff. i know she is watching everything i do and say. i just need to be strong. thanks cog. God Bless you.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
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Craig54,

I am about to embark on the same thing you have been going through. Your words and patients are a great positive things for people like myself who are scared to death of starting something like that, going into the great unknown with out a safety net. I hope I am a brave as you are. Stay in there and give people like me hope that someday my issues will be better.

thanks
Michael


Michael

m 12 years
both, second marriage,she has 2 boys 26 & 20
Youngest has been an issue this past year w/
drugs, drinking and stealing from us, both
Wife has not forgiven me for past issues
I have forgiven wife though for hers
She can't get past them.
Please
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craig54 Offline OP
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mg,


my safety net is the Lord Jesus, i lean on him for all my support. i also have a lot of good friends that allow me to talk to them about my situation. i struggle with the situation at times, but i always come back to the realization that God is in control. i just need to do my part and stay out of his way. follow the dr book. it works, read the success stories. they will inspire you. never give up. fight for your family. the stakes are high.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Joined: Oct 2007
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craig54 Offline OP
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just a little journaling,

well first time in 6-7 weeks i got frustrated enough to get angry at wife. i was in the wrong, i just let my frustration get the better of me. so of course i had to apologize. she did not acknowlege it . small set back. nothing major. there was no yelling. i will admit situation has been getting the better of me this week. i will keep praying for strength.


m-54
w-44
children-4
bomb-sept 21 2007
t-21
m-20yrs
bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
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Quote:
i was at bible study the other night and we were discussing ephesians 5, about how the spiritual family is suppose to be. one of the brothers was saying how his marriage was backwards for many years, because he let his wife basically control what he should have been doing as the spiritual leader of his family. i went whoaaa!!!. Lord that is why my wife was not attracted to me. because i was the spiritual wimp. i got it, right then and there. she wants a husband that is loving control.loving his wife as Christ loves the church. she got tired of being in control. what a realization. i praise God for opening my eyes.


Hi Craig, haven't talked in a while, so thought I would drop by. Sorry to hear about your FIL. Talk about timing....it will be the 20th year anniversary of my Dad's home going in a few days. My dad was so srict when I was growing up, it was rediculas at times. It was just before I married that he and I started really bonding. I always respected him, even if I disagreed with him while growing up. As the years went by, our bonding grew and grew. I saw him change during his lifetime to the point I wished I could write a book about him, but then it probably wouldn't mean as much to anyone else. I saw the Lord do a work in him like I had seen in no other person. My dad was my hero. When he went to heaven, I grieved for him like I had never grieved for anyone else in my life! At times, I thought my heart was going to break from the pain of missing him. The only way I got through it, was knowing, without a doubt, that I would see him again some day in heaven. It took me a long time to get through that process of grieving. I had not really understood what my H had gone through when he lost his dad--until I had to experience it. So, my heart goes out to her. She will need your strength and even more patient now.

I posted the quote above b/c I am so proud that you found out that women do need spiritual leaders in their own H's. My H was not like that in our family and therefore, I had to take that lead in some areas with our children and it does not work as well as when Daddy is doing it. I personally believe that is why we are seeing so much trouble in marriages today, b/c so many of the H's are not the spiritual leaders that God meant for them to be. It throws the entire MR and family out of line. God has a plan for each of us, but we have to follow it, He isn't going to force it upon us.

Craig, you are trying as hard as any man I know. God will help you as long as you continue to stay in His will. However, the devil will continue to harass you. But, as much as you are before God praying, you will make it. Satan's army probably goans everytime you get up in the mornings....lol. You know, I'm sure, that there are about 3,000 promises in the Bible for Believers. Find those promises and use them for the situation at the present time. Stand on those promises, claim them as your own, and believe in them. Then, stand back and watch God work. It can be quite amazing!

I am sorry that the passing of your FIL was during this strssfull time in your M. It doesn't help things....as far as the human view point is concerned, however, you know what the Bible says about God's time not being our time--is so true.

Your role model before your W is the best medicine and comfort she can have at a time such as this. As you continue, day by day, God will give you strength. I have learned that strength is given day by day......sometimes, hour by hour. That is why we are not to fret about tomorrow's problems and what may be waiting for us......God's grace will carry you through a day at a time.

One word of caution......I think I told you this once before (lol), but often times we can get caught up in our own R with the Lord and we want our S to do the same thing and we tend to "preach" to them. That is not always taken very well when the MR is in troubled waters. Lead by example and not by preaching. Not that you have done that.....I don't mean to imply that you have. I'm just saying that, so you can keep it in the back of your mind if you get tempted to get in your pulpit. (lol)

Keep up the good work, my friend. Stay close to God and He will work all things together for good....to them that love Him and are called to His purpose.

Sandi



It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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