WAW....now the LBS

[BryanR]

Not to worry...I can do it. Or not as the case may be...LOL

Thanks Michelle. I think I am all set now. I say bring it on! LOL.

-B

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" Galatians 6:9

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Jack has been here awhile:
Registered: 01/25/06

[brantacan]

Valentine's Day is going to be interesting to say the least. It's comforting that I'm not alone thinking about what to do. It's not enough that it's Valentine's Day, but it's also our 3 year anniversary, and my birthday.

Since there is OM in the picture I am totally lost. If feel damned if I do, damned if I don't (with respect to even a low key gift).

I am almost inclined to not do anything. I fear that attention from the OM on that day, plus something from me related to Vday and the anniversary would just overwhelm her and lead to further frustration on her part.

As much I'd love to do something great for her, she probably expects that I will do something to "compete" with OM, so maybe just backing off will really get her attention.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

I wish you all the best next week

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Doing the opposite of what you normally have done will get attention.

It's your B Day too. Man I am sorry, the pain of what she more than likely will not do is something you are just going to have to suck up and prepare yourself to be dissappointed.

[MichelleLT]

I totally understand what you are going through. I didn't get crap for my birthday or Christmas. It wasn't til almost 1 week after my birthday that I even got a half-a$$ed "I hope you had a good birthday".

My in-laws took me out to dinner and I had a great time with my friends and such. However, it really hurt to not even get a happy birthday IM or e-mail or voicemail. After 6 years it seems like the least I deserve.

[brantacan]

The birthday thing is not really that big of a deal. I'm not expecting anything from her despite the fact that we have been getting along pretty well. The tough part for me is not giving my W something for our anniversary and knowing that the OM will likely do something romantic. But I know a gift from me, even something light will increase her guilt, so...

Nobody ever claimed that DB was easy eh?

JTB, I wrote this in another post under another topic heading a few days ago: "we get the problems we need in life to fix those things about ourselves that need fixing". Well, among many other things, patience and handling stress well were never my best qualities. Because of my current M sitch, I have made tremendous progress improving those particular traits.

[saus16]

Bran,

I'm going to go off the beaten path here!!! I disagree with not doing anything!! My H doing something special for me on my B-day meant the world to me...and actually showed me who the real man in the picture was..and trust me, it' wasn't the BF, (who bought me a massage gift certificate, which he buys everyone the same thing..).
If you've read any of my posts, my H and I had been apart for 4 months when my B-day came around. He went to great lengths to plan a special surprise for me. Dispite what others think, I still believe a small thoughtful gesture lets the other indivdual know that you at least care. Doing nothing, to me, simply says that you don't care. It's not the size or price of the gift, it's the thought put into it!! Being extravagant would push someone away, but I don't feel being thoughtful would. That's just my 2 cents.
Bryan and I had this discussion in our posts a day or two ago, and I just have to stop and wonder at what point this mind game (gift/no gift) stops? I believe we all have to adjust it to our sitch. No one knows our H or WAW, better than we do...so we have to step into their minds for a moment (the old minds not the foggy ones..LOL) and think about how we should handle the sitch!
It will truly be interesting to see, our stories that we have to share on the 15th!

[saus16]

Bran,

Forgot to mention, our wedding anniversary was 10 days before my b-day, and he gave me the book "The Five Languages of Love" with a thoughtful inscription in it. I read the book the next day, thinking only of him. Ironically enough, If i had read the book before I left, it would have helped me figure things out! From the perspective of a WAW...I say, once again, give something thoughtful that only you (someone who knows her so well) would be able to give!!! My H followed ALL of the other DB rules, but he also knew how to work the gift thing!!! ONLY you know your W, and it's your call...

[HOPEFULinCALI]

MR. HYDE VISITED TODAY

I had a bit of a backslide today. I saw H on Saturday and when leaving said I would see him the Sunday to say hi when his sister flew in for a visit from overseas. He said ok. So I see him yesterday and the entire time he is giving me the cold shoulder and hinting that I need to leave at some point.

This morning I tell him I needed him to treat me nicer. He responded "are we doing this again?". I said, "doing what again, I'm kindly asking that you treat me with some respect". He kept trying to make an arguement out of it and I tried my best to stop it. He said, "a friend doesn't come over uninvited". Huh? The day before we had discussed getting together when his sister flew in. He is also bothered that I come over to OUR house on very few occasions without his permission. Also, he is bothered by the fact that unlike him I tell others (my friends and family) the truth, that we are married. He also felt I invited myself to get together with him, his sister and mother when they go skiing on the holiday. When in truth I was planning on going on the same day and when he told me he was I suggested that we all go together which he thought was a good idea. According to him all my actions are nonsense and dramatic. He says he is leaving because I am dramatic however, I can do all the things above when, not if, he decides he wants to be married again. When? Why all the game playing? He is creating drama by being a man completely void of all moral fiber or compassion.

I am getting really sick and tired of his hot/cold attitude, him telling his family and friends lies about me and our relationship, trying to date behind my back, looking at porn and telling me what I can do and say. He even gave me a hard time about what I ate for lunch on Saturday. He has also given me a difficult time about how I spend money. Keep in mind I am the saver. He is spending his money pimping out his car. What rights do I have? I have no say in his life and apparently not in mine either. He appears to have no problem with 99% of the things I do and say, but then later tells me this, that and the other bother him. Please tell me how one goes from being put on a pedestal to someone who can't do anything right.

I have the intensive with Michele in less than three weeks, but I am afraid I might just flip out on him before them. I am simply not accustomed to be disrespected and taking it. I think he is particulary aggitated because his sister, and on Wed. his mom, will be visiting for two weeks. If I come around his lies about our sitch will fall apart.

Help please!

[GoingForward]

Hi, hopeful. Don't know the sitch, but imho, it's far easier to be angry and nitpick than it is for the WAS to be understanding and empathetic. It's their way of justifying their feelings and actions.

Try to let it go. It might in fact just be that your H is under some stress with his family visiting and all.

Good luck with the intensive. Take care.