Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for those good thoughts! The rings turned up last Tuesday morning--in a pile of magazines on the coffee table. I moved that pile so many times but didn't go thru it. I can't tell you how relieved I was! Coincidentally (and we all know by now that there is no such thing), H came by that night for the first time in 2 weeks, back from his trip to So. Cal. and Mexico. He has no idea they were missing, and he never will as far as I'm concerned.
My own trip was awesome! I have to say that WI and MN are very pretty but very flat, at least where I was. I ended up helping out a lot on Sat. morning before the wedding with little details that were stressing the bride and her mom out, like the flowers showing up late, etc., and they were very grateful to have an extra pair of hands. The wedding itself was GORGEOUS. The reception was a lot of fun--I am not a big dancer, but after a few drinks I really let it all hang out and had a blast! At midnight, a shuttle dropped the bride and groom off at the B and B we all stayed in, and then it took us barhopping. One of the highlights was when the bouncer checked my ID, shook his head reflexively and said, "No, you're not." I love this man now. We closed the bar at 2 AM, went back to the B and B and hung out in the backyard.
And I flirted.
With a cute guy 10 years younger than me.
It was FUN.
I really had to decide if I wanted it to go any further than flirting.
It felt GOOD to be pursued and to feel desirable.
But I kissed him on the cheek and said good night.
I am still smiling to myself about it.
I went to bed at 3:30--got up at 7:00 without a hangover (!) and heade out on the 3-hour drive to the airport. It was long day, but so worth it!
I have to say that flirting also gave me a window into how affairs start. That feeling of being wanted was pretty heady. Never an excuse, but a reason.
H was shocked to hear that I went to WI. Good mystery opportunity there. In the past week, he's been by a few times. He brought the fixings for margaritas and left them here--many afternoons he's stopped in, mixed us a drink or two, and spent a little time with me. Very nice.
In other news, a nest of yellowjackets has shown up outside my back door. I got stung on the head yesterday evening when I walked out. Those buggers are going down, man! The problem is that I don't see how to get them out. I sprayed this morning, but it only infuriated them. I may need to call a pro in. H looked and suggested this. Any other ideas?
Hi Nicola! Thanks for checking in on me. Are you headed to Maine sometime soon? I remember you making that trip in years past.
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Thanks for your continued positive support.
Right back atcha, girly!
No big updates here. H seems to be repeating his previous pattern of staying away on weekends. I'm frustrated right now because he's using the refi money to spend, not to pay off debt as we agreed, which means that I need to lay this boundary out there more clearly: this is not money to play with. I'm ready to do it kindly and clearly. I'll let you know how it goes.
In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on GAL. I think that flirting made me feel worse right now--reminded me of what I want from H and am not getting. Went to see The Dark Knight today--great effects! I have plans to meet a friend for drinks tomorrow, and there's a big art thing going on downtown on Saturday that I'm looking forward to. So life rages on.
One thing I meant to post before: H was by one day and said that the house looks better than he ever remembers it looking when he was here. I just smiled. It's probably due to the fact that I'm not waiting around for him to pick up his part of the chores. I hope that a little bit of it is from him starting to surface from the vat of MLCBS he's been swimmng in for so long.
BTW, I had someone spray the bees. He collects nests for free and sells them to a company that makes allergy shots from the venom. This nest was too small to collect, but he took care of it for me for free. Good to know there are nice people out there!
Be well, friends. And to all the teachers out there: we still have another month of summer!
ALWAYS!! I'm so glad to hear from you! Fill us in your your fab life these days!!
UPDATE: Not much to say, I guess. I challenged H to take me to a baseball game last week. He considered it but claimed to not be able to find good tickets. In the same convo, I confronted the spending issue. He got defensive at first, but I stuck to my guns and stayed kind, made it a "we" covno instead of a "you" convo, and said what I needed to say. I know he heard me, but I don't think he's started paying on the debt yet. I've decided that If I don't see action by the end of the month, I'll ask him to bring all the paperwork here so we can do it together. Thoughts?
Today I was disappointed because I got a pair of tickets from a student for tonight's game--great seats, Mariners aginst Devil Rays, who lead the AL East. I told H about it last week and invited him along. I left a sassy VM this morning asking what time he was going to pick me up. When I spoke to him around noon, he was a little upset because he didn't want to go and felt badly about it. He assured me that it wasn't because of me--I told him that I didn't think it was anyway-- but he just wasn't into it. I didn't EXPECT him to go exactly, but I HOPED he would and was so sad that he didn't. I spoke to H a little after the second call just with fun stuff--I wanted him to think I wasn't affected by his decision even thought I really was. I guess that sounds pretty childish.
The silver lining here is that one of his big complaints earlier in the MLCBS was that he did things because I wanted to do them, not because he wanted to. This time he let me know how he really felt, and I appreciate that even though I was sad.
I decided to give the tickets to FF who just got married in WI because I didn't really know anyone else who I'd enjoy the game with. I spent the rest of the day licking my wounds a little. Wine helped. I might go downtown for the Bon Odori festival--there's one every year here, and I've never gone. It depends on the weather, though--lots of rain today.
I hate this part of the rollercoaster!
Oh well--tomorrow is another day. Be well, friends.
WCW: The BBQ was last summer! I watied and waited and you never showed. I've been thinking about having people over again though. The 30th is the second new moon of the month--doesn't happen all the time, kind of a "blue moon." That might be fun to do.
Re. stuff he likes to do and what we used to do together: baseball games was one of the biggies, and you saw how well that went over. He has not taken me up on any of my invitations for meals, walks, etc. I think my best bet with him right now is to get that debt cleared (read more below) and to keep GALing and creating mystery where I can.
UPDATE: I was out with a friend last Sunday afternoon, and guess who was here at the house for a lot of hte time that I was gone...funny, yes? I thought so, anyway. He came by the next day and made us some margaritas. We actually spent about 3 hours together--this is a record of some sort, I'm sure! He immediately brought up the debt issue--his parents and his brother got calls from a collection agency, and H was very embarrassed about it. I asked if he wanted to bring the paperwork over here and tackle it together, and he said he might. So that issue has been broached with out too much trouble--hurray! Now to get him to follow through...
My parents will be here tomorrow and leave Tuesday to drive to San Franciso to visit with my younger brother. They are finishing an Alaskan cruise. They are only here for a couple of days becuase they are anxious to get home to check on my youngest brother who is an alcoholic--in and out of recovery, but mostly out. He relies on them heavily, and this is the first time they've been away for so long without him and without daily contact. In spite of the short time and the fact that they are staying in a hotel and not in my home, I am nervous about their visit, mostly about my mom. I will be positive and loving, but I don't want to talk about my M with her, and this is the first time they've been here since this whole situation started. H will not make an appearance--he confessed that he is "terrified" of seeing them right now.
I've been painting this week--more home feng shui! I painted the kitchen walls--I plan to do the cabinets this fall--and the water-stained sun porch walls and ceiling. It won't look different to anyone who doens't know our house, but it feels different to me, and I think it looks fantastic! Still a little more to do in the sun porch. I've also been clearing out a LOT of clutter from storage spaces. Again, the atmosphere feels really good to me!
Today I am tired--did not sleep AT ALL last night. Gave myself permission to not walk this morning with FF and to skip yoga. I need to clean anyway for my parents arrival. Also, it is supposed to be 98 degrees today--this is insanely hot for this area. I may go the a salmon festival at one of the reservation casinosin the afternoon or to Hempfest downtown--I know what you're thinking!--but I might just hunker down in the breeze of the fan and drink chilled white wine.
It's going to be a great day today because I choose to make it so!
Be well, friends. Oh, today is a full moon lunar eclipse. Look for opportunites to get rid of all kinds of "stuff" in your life!
The visit with my folks went very well. I missed them when they left, so it must have been good!
H was here once since then. I am really missing him right now. There are a lot of factors in this: the end of summer vacation(say it ain't so, Joe), the anniversary of his moving out in such a cowardly fashion, the rain that's here today and will last for a few days--must mean that fall is on its way. I look at how far I've come in the past few years and celebrate that, but I want HIM. So I went for some retail therapy and I'm reading an easy, fun book with a couple of glasses of wine.
Good news on the financial front: when H was here he wrote a check for one of the big bills he needs to pay off. That felt great! I can see that he's paid on 1 or 2 others as well. Could he really be growing up??
Two days of meetings this week; then a day to set up my room next Tuesday and kids on Wednesday. It's always hard to say goodbye to summer for me, but I'm looking forward to the school year. That being said, I'm getting another glass of wine!
I might go downtown for the Bon Odori festival--there's one every year here, and I've never gone. It depends on the weather, though--lots of rain today. 
