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Originally Posted By: Mrs. NOP
there shall be no dis-memberments
That reminds me. I need to put a piece of adhesive tape on my good leg with a note that says: "Not this one. The other one." just to make sure they "fix" the correct ankle. When you're asleep, they can do anything to you.

Thanks for the validation, Mrs. N.

Would you or someone straighten this out: Am I totally off-base or doesn't the LL concept mean that your LL is the one you habitually use to EXPRESS your love AS WELL AS the one in which you want love expressed to you?

Thus an Acts of Service person usually expresses love by washing your car, fixing your favorite dinner, etc., and if you perform Acts of Service for this person, they also feel loved. The idea of the book is that you may perform Acts of Service for your spouse because that's YOUR LL, but if your partner's LL is physical touch, they won't feel loved unless they get hugs, kisses, and sex.

So the Acts of Service person needs to learn to EXPRESS love in physical touch, because their partner will not FEEL loved with a clean car, a mopped kitchen floor, and a freezer full of homemade lasagna. This is so clear to me. I don't see anything contradictory, but I MIGHT BE WRONG. ;\)

Dom, I'm a very fast reader.

IC, alas, bf's habit of speaking to me rudely goes back to day one in our R. It has always been a problem. I've asked him over and over again to speak to me in a civil tone, not that put-upon, sighing, eye-rolling, "you're a nuisance" tone of voice. It's worse now that all this stuff is going on with his mom. If it were just these days, I would indeed cut him some slack.

That's one of the major problems in this R, I'm always cutting him some slack because of circumstances in his life. He tends to go from one crisis to the next... and they're all real crises, not imaginary ones-- being laid off from work, open heart surgery, quitting drinking, being sued by ex-wife, now mom has cancer. I cut him slack pretty much constantly, but he doesn't seem to be able to cut me any slack as I sit here somewhat immobilized.

Did I mention that I'm One Sick Puppy.

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That reminds me. I need to put a piece of adhesive tape on my good leg with a note that says: "Not this one. The other one." just to make sure they "fix" the correct ankle.

Yea, but make sure you make the note very illegible so they can read it...kind of like the presciptions they write

When you're asleep, they can do anything to you.

I guess with me, this would all depend on what the women nurses or doctors look like...at hot sexy one or better yet 2 or 3 \:o could probably do anything they want with me without me caring one bit {hope Miss IC don't read this...if so, ehh...I'll blame it on something }

IC, alas, bf's habit of speaking to me rudely goes back to day one in our R. It has always been a problem. I've asked him over and over again to speak to me in a civil tone, not that put-upon, sighing, eye-rolling, "you're a nuisance" tone of voice. It's worse now that all this stuff is going on with his mom. If it were just these days, I would indeed cut him some slack.

That's one of the major problems in this R, I'm always cutting him some slack because of circumstances in his life. He tends to go from one crisis to the next... and they're all real crises, not imaginary ones-- being laid off from work, open heart surgery, quitting drinking, being sued by ex-wife, now mom has cancer. I cut him slack pretty much constantly, but he doesn't seem to be able to cut me any slack as I sit here somewhat immobilized.


Ok, maybe you just answered your own question...maybe you're cutting him too much slack and he's taking advantage of that. Do an 180 and tell him WTF? \:D

Did I mention that I'm One Sick Puppy.

LOL. I couldn't find it, but somewhere on the board I was called the same thing Welcome to the dog pound Lil


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Originally Posted By: IC
Do an 180 and tell him WTF?


From time to time I do that and then he really blows up: "I guess I'm just a LOSER then! I failed! I made a mistake! I'm just an a$$hole!" This shouted while he paces around the room waving his arms.


Hmmm, I'm seeing a pattern here. They older man I went with before I married my H used to do something like this (he didn't shout, however). He'd say, "Well, if I'm such a pi$$-poor son-of-a-b*tch, I don't see why you bother to hang around with me!"

That's the pre-emptive strike in lieu of a simple apology.



Sometimes bf does apologize later... he never used to do that. Is that progress? (Rhetorical question.)

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Originally Posted By: Lillieperl
Originally Posted By: IC
Do an 180 and tell him WTF?


From time to time I do that and then he really blows up: "I guess I'm just a LOSER then! I failed! I made a mistake! I'm just an a$$hole!" This shouted while he paces around the room waving his arms.


My response to that would be something similar to..."No, I said WTF? But if those size 10 1/2 's fit, by all means, feel free to put them on." And then hobble off to get some of that Campbells chunky soup


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Quote:
Thanks for the validation, Mrs. N.


I'm just trying to justify a good reason to wear my Yosemite Sam outfit and use the word "varmint".

Quote:
Would you or someone straighten this out: Am I totally off-base or doesn't the LL concept mean that your LL is the one you habitually use to EXPRESS your love AS WELL AS the one in which you want love expressed to you?


It's that emphasis/nuance thing that tends to rear its warty head in many a (so often male/female) conversation. Not that this ever happens to NOP and me - :blink blink:. I think you and DOM are both right, just a different focus.

As a self-help book, the goal is (has it right there in the title on the book cover) "How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate". That's the emphasis DOM is underlining. Some excerpts from the book:

"The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse." DOM's point and one he seems to think you aren't getting or making of enough import.

"My conclusion after twenty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages - five ways people speak and understand emotional love." <...> "The children who feel loved by their parents and peers will develop a primary emotional love language based on their unique psychological makeup and the way their parents and other significant persons expressed love to them. They will speak and understand one primary love language." Your point that DOM thinks is in error? or is being overemphasized.

So, you both speak and receive via love languages.

It is important to know how your spouse can receive/hear your love. It is also important to understand how your spouse expresses love so that you can receive their love even when it's not in the shape you prefer. To not understand it will result in massive destruction in the relationship.

Spouse's expressing love languages that aren't understood by the other spouse will often be viewed negatively and it will actually destroy love feelings:

Love expressed by sex & physical touch - "I'm nothing to you but a way to get your rocks off, you don't care for me at all as a person and you're always pawing me."

Love expressed by acts of service - "She fills her life with meaningless chores and would rather scrub the toilet than spend time with me."

Love expressed by affirmative words - "He's always trying to butter me up and saying bull$hit things that he doesn't mean."

Love expressed by quality time - "I can never get away from her, she follows me from room to room, wants me to sit next to her on the couch hour after hour and tries to control me every time I try to do something with my friends."

Love expressed by gifts - "He never talks to me and treats me like a prostitute he can buy with trinkets and widgets."

Quote:
I need to put a piece of adhesive tape on my good leg with a note that says: "Not this one. The other one." just to make sure they "fix" the correct ankle. When you're asleep, they can do anything to you


Tape can be removed. I would also suggest a water-proof Sharpie mark with arrow, star and the words "THIS is the right one" on the other leg. When are you scheduled for the procedure?

MrsNOP -

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I'm sure it was something...


You say that he has talked rudely to you since day one. You haven't had sex in some time. Long time.

That sounds like ineffective boundaries to me.

He treats you the way he does because you allow it.

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Lil
The idea of the book is that you may perform Acts of Service for your spouse because that's YOUR LL, but if your partner's LL is physical touch, they won't feel loved unless they get hugs, kisses, and sex.

Or, if I perform acts of service for BB she will give me more PT, sex, kisses, and words of appreciation.

Wrong!

Lou

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I would also suggest a water-proof Sharpie mark with arrow, star and the words "THIS is the right one" on the other leg. When are you scheduled for the procedure?

The day before my hernia surgery, the Dr. marked my surgery area with a Sharpie and initialed it. The pre surgery team looked for the Sharpie marks because it is SOP.

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Mrs NOP
Spouse's expressing love languages that aren't understood by the other spouse will often be viewed negatively and it will actually destroy love feelings:

Love expressed by sex & physical touch - "I'm nothing to you but a way to get your rocks off, you don't care for me at all as a person and you're always pawing me."

Love expressed by acts of service - "She fills her life with meaningless chores and would rather scrub the toilet than spend time with me."

Love expressed by affirmative words - "He's always trying to butter me up and saying bull$hit things that he doesn't mean."

Love expressed by quality time - "I can never get away from her, she follows me from room to room, wants me to sit next to her on the couch hour after hour and tries to control me every time I try to do something with my friends."

Love expressed by gifts - "He never talks to me and treats me like a prostitute he can buy with trinkets and widgets."


BTDT.

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Lil

What you did wrong was read faster the the approved reading speed limit.

Happy belated Bday to you and Karen. Sorry to hear about your ankle.

Mrs. Nop said 'varmint' LMAO.

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