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Quote:
But then again... you're not even married to this guy to start with, so, not sure why you're posting in "the sex-starved marriage" forum about this


From your sigfile:

"My current status: separated"

Buffing up my shiny new Cracker Jack SSM badge and looking at the approved criteria on my People Who Should Be and Should Not Be Here Official SSM Participant List - I find that you may not meet our stringent requirements. I also find that I don't meet our stringent requirements. Shall we quietly hustle each other out of the forum, heads bowed and shoulders slumped in shame and hope no one noticed our misuse of the forum? You bring the rope and I'll bring the burlap bag and we'll capture and drag Ms. Lil out of the sanctuary before someone is harmed by the possible contamination. :Q

MrsNOP - will not join any club that would have me as a member.

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Originally Posted By: MrsNOP
Buffing up my shiny new Cracker Jack SSM badge and looking at the approved criteria on my People Who Should Be and Should Not Be Here Official SSM Participant List - I find that you may not meet our stringent requirements. I also find that I don't meet our stringent requirements. Shall we quietly hustle each other out of the forum, heads bowed and shoulders slumped in shame and hope no one noticed our misuse of the forum? You bring the rope and I'll bring the burlap bag and we'll capture and drag Ms. Lil out of the sanctuary before someone is harmed by the possible contamination. :Q


Does this mean I have to leave as well? \:\(


"If you can't lick em, lick em" - Ted Nugent
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Quote:
the most important concept of the entire book, is that each spouse is supposed to learn the other person's "Love language", and speak it to them.(ie: find out how they like it, and then give it to them how they like it)
It is most definately not, "each spouse is supposed to learn how to interpret the other person's 'language', and learn to like it the way they say it".


I don't recall Lil expressing what the most important concept of the entire book was, nor did she assert that you were supposed to learn how to interpret... You seem to be arguing against points she never made.

Her experience with her BF has revealed that he expresses his love/affection via acts of service. Chapman wrote: "We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse doesn't understand what we are communicating." So, while the expression and the desired LL may not be identical 100% of the time, it appears that the originator of the concept points out the tendency for the them to be the same a high percentage of the time.

Lil has the maturity to recognize, accept and give credit for her BF's acts of service even if they aren't her primary preference. Doesn't mean that she wouldn't prefer to receive personal, well-thought out gifts from him. But, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to spit on or discount what he does offer, nor is it an indication that she doesn't get the concept.

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Does this mean I have to leave as well?


Nah. We can be the big tent forum, so I proclaim from Corri's COTUC with the authority invested in me by my buffed up, shiny new badge that there shall be no dis-memberments. Anyone that disagrees will be whopped up-side the head with Lil's ankle cast.

MrsNOPogo - If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.

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Originally Posted By: MJontheMend
However, the other day he told me that he is not at all a touchy/feely person and he wasn't nearly as touchy/feely with other women in his life as he is with me.


OT sorry, but whoa, dude, big red flag. IMHO.

(OK, none of the foregoing was even vaguely proper english, but you get the point.)


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Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
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Originally Posted By: Lillieperl
Dom, if you'll read my post carefully, you'll see that I'm not resentful about his not coming out here. I fully understand why he's not coming out here. He's worried to death about his 89-year old mom and her cancer. He's doing everything he can for her, to make her comfortable, to make sure she's eating. I absolutely understand that and I endorse it. It's a beautiful thing. He's in a difficult spot.

What I resent is that he is rude to me.


Lill,
Jumping in a little late here and throwing my 2 cents in {Oh sh!t, those were Canadian coins..better hold onto those until I check the exchange rate } I'm not offering up any excuses for the bf to be rude and I see nothing in your convo's that would lead me to believe you did anything wrong. A few years back, FIL was recovering from a stroke then into a nursing home, MIL had fell and broke her hip..so Miss IC and the girls went down for a month or so to help out...or was it Miss IC and 1 girl with the other not born yet ?? {I know, I know, I've heard it before..."hope your d!ck is longer than your memory" ha ha...sit down !} Ok, now where was I before I was so rudely interupted? Oh yea, Miss IC and our 6 daughters went down to MIL's to help out. I think she felt like she was being pulled in all directions similar to Lill's bf. It seemed like every phone conversation we had was very similar to Lill's...a lot of down right rude comments from Miss IC {sorry Miss IC..but you were a b!tch...I'll be posting for awhile with a black eye } Usually my typical response to her rudeness would be... "I love you too." Sometimes it would make her realize what she was doing...other times it would get me a loud click (slam !) and then a dial tone

Ok, I've pretty much forgotten the whole damn point of my story..goes back to that memory thing Lill, if this is somewhat of an isolated thing with the mom (isolated as in since mom's health really starting to deteriorate) I would be half tempted to cut him some slack. I would let it be known that while you can understand it, you still don't appreciate it. Put the ball back in his court and see what he does with it.


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Originally Posted By: MrsNOP
Anyone that disagrees will be whopped up-side the head with Lil's ankle cast.

MrsNOPogo - If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.


Either Lill's cast..or I'm glad to announce that I've been down sized into a smaller knee brace...so I have this large cumbersome one I can donate to the cause \:\)

MrsNop, don't you still have that large Neanderthal club..or did we determine that was a 3-wood ? Happy golfing \:\)


"If you can't lick em, lick em" - Ted Nugent
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Originally Posted By: MrsNOP
Quote:
But then again... you're not even married to this guy to start with, so, not sure why you're posting in "the sex-starved marriage" forum about this


From your sigfile:

"My current status: separated"

Buffing up my shiny new Cracker Jack SSM badge and looking at the approved criteria on my People Who Should Be and Should Not Be Here Official SSM Participant List - I find that you may not meet our stringent requirements. I also find that I don't meet our stringent requirements.


i was not saying "no one who isnt 'in a sex starved marriage' should 'participate'".

I was pointing out that the topic of threads, is supposed to follow the subject of the forum that they are posted in?
lillie started this thread here. so if you substitute,
"not sure why you're starting a thread in", for "not sure why you're posting in", perhaps the context is clearer.


My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle


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Originally Posted By: MrsNOP

Her experience with her BF has revealed that he expresses his love/affection via acts of service.
....
there's nothing wrong with choosing not to spit on or discount what he does offer, nor is it an indication that she doesn't get the concept.


What she said in her post, went further than that, though.
There was a whole context/concept in her posts that, to Lillie, someone's love language defines both how they want to hear "i love you" and how they speak it.
That they are one and the same.

Here's where she explicitly goes even further opposite from what the book says:


Originally Posted By: Lillieperl
YOUR Love Language is the way you habitually express love and generally people make the assumption that others' LL's are the same as theirs.


The first part of what she wrote, is completely backwards from the "cause and effect" from the book (The "and generally..." bit meshes with the book, though)

The book defines your love language, as the way that you want to RECEIVE love. Not "the way you habitually _express_ love".

Yes, I completely agree, that the book mentions that people by default, most often "habitually express love" in their love language. However, someone's "love language" according to Chapman, is defined as how they want to receive it, not the way that they express it.

The way that they express love, tends to line up with their love language. but it does not define their love language.


My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle


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Quote:
I was pointing out that the topic of threads, is supposed to follow the subject of the forum that they are posted in?
lillie started this thread here. so if you substitute,
"not sure why you're starting a thread in", for "not sure why you're posting in", perhaps the context is clearer.


So, you have an issue with the topic of "Tell me exactly what I did wrong" because it isn't about sex or you have an issue with Lil starting a topic on the SSM forum because she doesn't have the "M" part?

In what forum do you propose she be allowed to post?

I don't want to overwhelm you with the reprobate rainwater that you are currently soaking in, but on this forum over the past 4 years we have had sex-starved boyfriends, sex-starved girlfriends, sex-starved engaged men, sex-starved engaged women, sex-starved fiances that lived together, sex-starved fiances that didn't live together, sex-starved divorcees, sex-starved separated but still married, sex-starved still married in the process of divorce, sex-starved spouses dealing with infidelity, a hasn't been here in a while but was a favorite of mine called Stubborn Dyke (there's a hint there), sex-starved Catholics, sex-starved fundamentalists, sex-starved Jews, sex-starved agnostics, and we even allowed a couple of sex-starved foreigners in here.

If you look at the signup date of several of the current participants you'll find they've been posting here for several years. Communities build over time. Deaths, births, marriages, divorces, abuse, adultery, mental illnesses, personality disorders, injuries, diseases, pets, work, laughter, tears and more have been shared and discussed here. Forum drift, like thread drift, happens.

The people here have formed varying relationships over several years and probably are going to be about as amenable as I am currently feeling at the idea of a relative newcomer trying to send participants off the forum. Lil and I have butted heads a few times over the years, but she is a valued participant and fellow searcher who has added much benefit to me and to this forum. And I would go Yosimite Sam all over anyone's a$$ that tried to make her feel unwelcome.

MrsNOP -

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