Did you spend Christmas without your beloved spouse for another year? Are you discouraged and ready to give up on your precious spouse and marriage? I pray that you will continue to seek the Lord's will in your life and marriage every day and always believe in God's promises regardless of what you see with your physical eyes. May I remind you a very strong fact that is important for you today, "The holidays are not over!"
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
How are you feeling today?
Yes, Bob and I know you are fighting many emotions and you may be feeling discouraged, frustrated, and possibly doubting that your marriage will ever be restored. You may have not seen your spouse this Christmas or maybe you saw your spouse with the other person as they were picking up your children as you had to split up your time for the holidays. I pray that you have read the Saturday Testimonies which are just the beginning of the testimonies of what the Lord has been doing around the world this week.
Do not give up because the holidays are not over. Please continue to fast, praying favorite scriptures with your spouse's name in them, as well as praying for all prodigal spouses around the world during New Year's Day. I would personally pray and fast until I receive a spiritual breakthrough of your circumstances.
God's time table is not yours.
Bob and I are hearing that you may just be standing, but not praying fervently.
Let me share from "How To Pray When You Don't Know What to Say" by Elmer L. Towns: "Since life is a journey, we need to be continually in warfare prayer. We will never quit struggling until we arrive at our destination. We should forget about winning a once-and-for-all victory in this life or about obtaining a perfect tranquility in which we never have to engage in warfare prayer again. Victories typically lead to counter- attack by the enemy, so our next prayer challenge may be even greater than past prayer challenges."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
PS - my wife had her lover's child on 19th January 2009 and called her Elizabeth (my mum's name) but I'm not sure if this is something to do with her boyfriends family name/s??
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'm doing VERY well in all areas of my life - now that my wife has had her "lovers" child there is some confusion, however; about the way I'm perceiving the stand for my marraige to be healed
I know, from ur email, it's sounds like things are a bit more confusing now.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know, from ur email, it's sounds like things are a bit more confusing now.
Confused_Me eh ST
Wow, it's been a while so here's my latest AND trusting all of my FRIENDS here are well - my apologies for not visiting here to check on all of you, though
Hiya Everyone
Well, by now I'm hoping you've all had a chance to mull over the last email I sent AND do some fervent praying as I have done in the past few days.
WHAT HAS LED US UP TO THIS POINT IS A TELEPHONE CALL I RECEIVED FROM my wife about 5 to 6 weeks ago where she asked whether I would consider settling out of court - ie: proceeding with a D-settlement
I'm unsure of what has prompted this latest point of contact, although I suspected she might want to make marriage plans with her new man??
My wife's baby (her boyfriends baby - not mine) was born on the 19th of January 2009 and I'm guessing things have settled down somewhat for my wife and she is getting used to being a mother...
02nd MAY 2009 @09h00
I "attended" the meeting with someone I know from my friends Church (this young lady is heavily involved with Church Ministry and counseling of families, etc). We decided to meet in a neutral place - that being a small outside restaurant in the area.
My wife was as always, on time and as I had been waiting for my friend to to arrive, we were a few minutes late but I had sent my wife an sms (text message) to say we were on our way.
Upon arriving, I noticed a particular car in the parking lot and immediately realized whom my wife was bringing to the meeting to back her up - yes, it was her (our bridesmaid) from our wedding.
Remember now that my wife has had a baby with her boyfiend - my wifes bridesmaid is married to my wife's boyfriends brother
Introductions were made by yours truly and we sat down – a few pleasantries were exchanged and my wifes bridesmaid immediately enquired as to which Church my friend belonged to – I had NOT mentioned she was a "Church Goer" to my wife (prior to the meeting) - I had only said she was a counselor and that we should have a mediator to keep things tidy.
- At the beginning of the sit down I surprised everyone saying that we should pray to open the meeting -
My wife seemed very anxious to get a "final" answer from me and launched into enquiring about the "proposal" she had made - I thanked her for her thoughts and mentioned that much of the house was due to my Mum and immediately my wife responded by saying what a good friend & mother in law my Mum was and that I should not forget she died in my wifes's arms - there were quite a few tears at this point and my wife seemed to be genuine about her feelings about my Mum.
The last "lawyers letter" I received indicated my wife wanted R 500 000-00 (1/2 million Rand) to settle matters out of court and throughout this round of discussions my wife is only requesting R250 000-00 - in other words ˝ of what she wanted previously.
She was unaware of the purchase costs my Mum had to incur for MY house and also about Mum's inheritance that I duly put into the bond on MY house - remember when my Mum and I initially bought this house it was put in my wife's name in order to protect this family financially in case something happened to my (then new) business!
When my Mum & I met with the conveyancer to effect the purchase of the house, he specifically asked my Mum and I if we REALLY wanted to put the house in my wife's name, to which I stated "YES, of course I trust her - she's my wife"
At the time there were also financial considerations for putting the house in wife's name as I already owned another property and recent amendments to the tax laws again made us weary as my business was so new and I was not assured of a regular income - I got started in the new business at the end of 1999 and a year later I purchased the house with my Mum.
At one point my friend interjected with a marital viewpoint about me being there for my wife and basically still standing for our marriage - my wife had pointed out (twice) that she SAW I was not the same man she walked out on (not that she acknowledged any abandonment though) and that I had indeed grown.
She went on to say that her love for me had died a long time ago and that whilst she lived with me, I killed her love a little bit each day
My wife also mentioned that even thought I had told her it was not my job to make her happy, she just could not live like that and she deserved happiness but did not delve any further as she said this was painful for her.
At some point the bridesmaid managed to shut down the personal side of the discussion down saying "We're not here for that"
Anyway a few figures were thrown around and I mentioned that I would need to know what transfer duties would be coming my way and any other costs - my wife would not drop below the R250k mark saying that it was a very generous offer and that she was not going after my business, cars, policies, etc.
My wife seemed anxious to end the meeting and gestured to her bridesmaid about leaving - apparently the bridesmaid had to "be somewhere" and the waiter was taking his time with the bill...
During the course of the discussions, I had made light by offering up some of my humour and I think it was not seen as "put-on" and I think as far as possible I was "myself" and I was grateful for my friend's presence as she filled in some of the quieter moments and we were able to introduce "The 5 Love Languages" books into the conversation as food for further thought...
At no stage did my wife mention her "boyfriend" neither did her new baby enter into conversation and I made special note not to pry or bring up ANY recriminations about what she had put me through the last 2,5 years, etc.
I'm not sure where to from here - I have it on good authority that my wife & her boyfriend had a fight (possibly AFTER our meeting) as he is of the impression my wife is letting me off lightly financially...
At least there is some discussion now, albeit only to push the divorce through - I have mentioned to my wife I am still against this notion and she in turn has acknowledged she knows it is against my belief system...
It's been sooooooooooo long since I visited all of you and so much seems to have taken place since my last post
So, what's happened this year - my wife remarried in September & I've enrolled in a Divorce Recovery course.
According to what I've learned there, by virtue of my wife remarrying, has released me from any further obligation to her in terms of a spiritual marital bond..
I know the Rejoice Marriage Ministries have a another version of this - the testimony of Sondra and Andy comes to mind, so in some ways I'm not convinced of the "release" but my new life would be extremely difficult for my wife to now entertain in any event
My dancing is going fairly well - mainly in the Ballroom as I've battled wit a Latin American partner for a while now.
I did my first stage show in September this year - great fun and an invaluable dance experience - I have all the photos up on Face Book for those who might be interested..
I know this was a quick update so we';ll see who responds to this posting - or indeed who is still lurking
CM Are you ok with moving on with your life now that this is all over?
Have you considered getting some professional counseling/therapy for yourself to deal with this phase of letting go? You still seem very much attached to your ex wife even though she is now married to another man, you still call her your wife.
