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A Message from Michele
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Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: BethM] #1260264
11/11/07 11:52 PM
11/11/07 11:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
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Quote:
Of course we find it difficult to trust again, but it's possible. I'm with you that most guys probably don't wanna "take that kind of time"... BUT... we don't know until we give them the opportunity.

Of course, you only need "one" who's willing to take the time, right? \:\)

This is going to sound very odd in this day and age but most of the guys I fellowship with at church interpret slow and steady to mean not getting intimate until AFTER getting married. This is also the goal of the women we consider potential mates at church or at other churches.

All of these guys have been in relationship, married or otherwise and have children but they now view the male female dynamics differently. We battle the visually stimulating nature of our society and still maintain that we would rather seek out a potential spouse, maintain an abstinent relationship, get married and then celebrate. (How's that for going back a few decades in terms of social mores?)

In light of that bombshell, dating for the purpose of really getting to know each other takes on a new meaning. Abstaining from intimacy will allow for the breaking off of the relationship more easily if either party senses that they should not get married. (Of course to fall for someone and then have it broken off could still hurt deeply, even without intimacy but both parties should be able to walk away not feeling used).

Also, I mentioned we have an intense premarital program that will cause couples to go into the marriage with their eyes wide open and will facilitate really getting to know one's future spouse as long as both are forthcoming and honest. At least I hope so.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Committed2Him] #1260299
11/12/07 12:53 AM
11/12/07 12:53 AM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Posts: 9,929
Illinois
Hey C2,

Considering your church social circle, the constant reminder and support that you would get in that choice would probably make waiting until after marriage easier. However in the outside world, as you know, the pressure is just the opposite.

The only question or worry that I would have is what if you waited until after you're married, and then this person that you otherwise love in every imaginable way, doesn't even strike a spark? What then?

Seeing I never want to find myself in this position (no pun) ever again.....I know, I know, it's all a test of faith!


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: BethM] #1260334
11/12/07 01:37 AM
11/12/07 01:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Quote:
However in the outside world, as you know, the pressure is just the opposite.
My mind is bombarded with the messaged of the "outside world" so the decision to go this route is pretty challenging. Still, one the benefits, I think is that I want to get to know the other person well to continue to the next level or gracefully back off. If I were to advance to a physical level which I had no hesitancey to do in my mid to late 20's, I know I could get comfortable in what is now called a "friends with benefits" relationship. Even the sound of it is appealing to me now but it is not the path I'm going to choose. Definitely a 180 shift from how I previously lived.

Quote:
The only question or worry that I would have is what if you waited until after you're married, and then this person that you otherwise love in every imaginable way, doesn't even strike a spark? What then?
On one level, even that would be better than living with a woman who shut me off for the later part of our marriage- at least we would be in love. From a purely physical standpoint, knowing that the parts work, understanding the wisdom that comes with experience, knowing the differences in our phsysiologies and how we "rev" up leave me not too concerned about creating a spark. Heck, the thought of a passionate kiss it exciting to me.

I think both my future wife and I will find "becoming one" as husband and wife will create plenty of sparks. Now to sustain that, I think the discovery process will be something we'll enjoy going through.

Prior to marriage, I know the topic of sex will come up and honest communication will be necessary to have realistic expectations. You know me, I'm going to "fact find" and seek to have good communication and if we are both honest, I'll be more than ok.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Committed2Him] #1260337
11/12/07 01:42 AM
11/12/07 01:42 AM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,729
colorado
I
inspiredjulie Offline
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inspiredjulie  Offline
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colorado
This all just makes me wonder one thing... how... er... short your... er... engagement might be.


I matter.

Me 32
xH 33
D7, D5
BOMB 9/27/06
D final 4/3/08
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: inspiredjulie] #1260440
11/12/07 07:37 AM
11/12/07 07:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Julie, Good question about an engagement time frame. I think once I and my future beloved were to get through a premarital course and decide to keep moving forward, we would probably not want a year long engagement but we'll see. Patience will be required.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Committed2Him] #1264175
11/14/07 10:58 PM
11/14/07 10:58 PM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,234
Phoenix Offline
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Phoenix  Offline
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Posts: 1,234
I didn't get a chance to read the whole thing but I'm glad to read what I did.

I told ya didn't I? You sound healthy and I'm really proud of you for all that you've done and all you continue to do. Any woman would be a fool to not see your value. I'm sure you'll choose well.

HUGS HUGS HUGS dear friend. Thank you for everything.

Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Phoenix] #1265088
11/15/07 06:48 PM
11/15/07 06:48 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
Member
Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Quote:
I told ya didn't I?

You told me a lot of things the were right on the money! \:\)

Yep feeling healthy, and now even moving slowly forward and contemplating dating. I started a thread about getting ready to date and second thread had to be started within five days, lots of great insight and things for me to ponder.

Hugs back to you many times over, someone as special as you are deserves all the happiness this world (and the next one) has to offer. Stay in touch, ok?


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Committed2Him] #1271660
11/21/07 08:55 PM
11/21/07 08:55 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 133
FL
D
drbty Offline
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drbty  Offline
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FL
Hi C2H,

How ya' doing?

Just stopping by to wish you a happy, and PEACEful Thanksgiving. Take care.

-db

Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: drbty] #1271754
11/21/07 10:26 PM
11/21/07 10:26 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
Member
Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
DB,

I am doing well but heading out to meet my daughter to take her shopping. I'll have to post an update before thanksgiving. One thing for sure, I am infinitely better than I was last year at this time and I thank God for that! (I checked back on my first thread for this time last year and just reading it took me back to the pain I felt at that time, ouch!! ).

I know you have been busy; I'm looking forward to an update. Check back later.

Blessings to you all who might pop in.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...11 PEACE WITH MR. X! [Re: Committed2Him] #1272015
11/22/07 02:50 AM
11/22/07 02:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
Oh C2,

You have been so quiet lately but didn't want to forget to tell you that I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful that I have someone like you watching my back. Life is good isn't it. Heck it's more than good, it's great!

Love you,
Bethie ;\)


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
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