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A Message from Michele
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Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: The_Colorado_Bulldog] #1234962
10/18/07 05:46 PM
10/18/07 05:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,059
NW Minnesota
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ALL6785 Offline
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ALL6785  Offline
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I'll drink to that! (corse I'll drink to most anything)

Looking good C2, hang in there bud!


ALL "Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: The_Colorado_Bulldog] #1234971
10/18/07 05:50 PM
10/18/07 05:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Illinois
Originally Posted By: The_Colorado_Bulldog
C2H,

Best wishes on you Unnivorcery. You are in a good place and it is all because of your faith in our Lord.

You keep inspiring me.



I thought it was I who inspired you!!!!

I have to agree here with Kev and ALL. Some people have a way of making us better just by their example and C2 you are definitely one of those people!

Love,
Bethie


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: BethM] #1235705
10/19/07 07:21 AM
10/19/07 07:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Posts: 4,511
SoCal

I thought Wednesday's exchange pretty much covered what needed to be said but this Thursday morning I received the following email from X:

Quote:
BTW.. not to rehash..
Some of my resentment comes from the you not being available for the kids, putting church stuff and your own thing(s) before them; your ability to pick them up and I have to work (I pray that will change soon).
I worry about you financially... During those times, I'm reminded to let Go and LET Him (God) do His work.

Not sure where your resentment is coming from. Perhaps something unconfessed to Him?? butt, that's between you and Him.

For the most part, I have tremendous peace.
I (we) strive to make sure the kids are content and happy.
May He continue to Lead and Guide you..
X


Huh??? (I did not bother to respond)

A brother from church was at my house when I opened this email. He is very familiar with my situation and so I read the email out loud and he was just as baffled as I was.

Again, I have made a major financial sacrifice to work from home so I CAN pick up my kids from school, take them to practice, games, be a taxi for my daughter or son and periodically take my son a special lunch.

It seems that X resents that I am making these sacrifices to be wih the kids but also feels that I am "not being available for the kids" or am putting my "own thing(s) before them."

I also suppose committing adultery, filing for divorce, separating kids from their father and getting remarried should not cause resenment. Huh??

When I read her email, I actually chuckled at her response and just saw it as a part of spiritual warfare. X is blinded but one day she will see and than will be sad for her as she answers to God for her actions.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: Committed2Him] #1235706
10/19/07 07:33 AM
10/19/07 07:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Jill, I done good? Thanks that is what I have been striving for. I think I am in that forgiveness mode because when I read her email on Thursday, I was not really surprised and also just let it go.

MaMaMo- thanks for the post- It has ALWAYS been about her.

Lost, yep, putting the kids first is one thing for her and a higher standard for me. God will open her eyes one day. I also agree that sometimes understanding will come later, again, we will see.

I am also glad my journey ministers to you, God will use our pain to sustain another.

Dawg, thanks for the support I am trying.

ALL, we are both looking good; all we need is some lovely ladies to join us in our new lives. One day, one fine day.

Bethie, thanks for the compliment. You were one of the first to reach out to me when I came back to the boards and I am indebted to you for that.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: Committed2Him] #1235717
10/19/07 09:07 AM
10/19/07 09:07 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 133
FL
D
drbty Offline
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FL

Quote:
Not sure where your resentment is coming from. Perhaps something unconfessed to Him??


Wow.

Yep, it's all about her. She was totally justified to divorce you, etc of course, because you are a mere mortal. To acknowledge the source of your resentment is to admit to her own faults and sin. She did nothing wrong.

Plus, she's found her soul-mate (yea right) and is happy, so what's there to be resentful about. "C2H, find a woman. That's all you need to do. Wala, no more problem and no more resentment."

As you said, "New stupidity needs to be addressed separately. "

Chuckling at it is the best way imaginable to address that particular little nugget.

Wow.

-db

Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: drbty] #1236055
10/19/07 04:26 PM
10/19/07 04:26 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Posts: 4,511
SoCal
DB,

Actually, the best way to address that little nugget of hers might be to go on another missions trip which I have been praying about. It may be the last one on I go on until maybe 2009. I won't know for a few days but even if God closes the door, He showed Himself to be mindful of my needs at the very moments I was humbly trying to reach out to my X.

I AM in a very good place right now and am at peace. If I were to die and face the Lord today, I would know that I tried to fully serve Him this past year and "do the right thing" concerning my X pre and post divorce.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: Committed2Him] #1236071
10/19/07 04:37 PM
10/19/07 04:37 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,054
So Cal
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KarenMarieS Offline
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So Cal
Unreal C2, I always think when I read and hear things like this from the WA, mine included its def projection, finger pointing-- a form of justifying, she will have to prob justify what she did for a very long time.

YOU know you did nothing wrong C2, no one is perfect but, you did not have the affair and break apart the family. 'nuff said

Have a terrific weekend!


Be Happy for this Moment,
This Moment is your Life


Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: KarenMarieS] #1236092
10/19/07 04:55 PM
10/19/07 04:55 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Committed2Him Offline OP
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Committed2Him  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 4,511
SoCal
Karen,

Yeah projection and like Bethie's shrink friend, eventually they come around to reflect on what happened. We as the LBS just had to deal with it sooner.

I mentioned I took a class at my church Called the "Exemplary Husband." We went through a book that deals with an ideal Christian husband's role. Since it was ideal, every man in the class, married, single or divorced could see what the goal was and no one could say they fit met the lofty standards. However it gave all of us something to shoot for.

My admission to her was to simply let her know I accept my share of the responsibility yet I know we cannot make someone happy and we cannot make another person desire a relationship with God as we think they should, it is an individual relationship.

So, to admit fault and move on is healthy, I don't dwell and beat myself up. Still, she is in denial and pointing her finger at me keeps her from having to look at what she has really done. I am sad for her but happy with the life the Lord is giving me.


Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: Committed2Him] #1236106
10/19/07 05:05 PM
10/19/07 05:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Illinois
Quote:
My admission to her was to simply let her know I accept my share of the responsibility yet I know we cannot make someone happy and we cannot make another person desire a relationship with God as we think they should, it is an individual relationship.

So, to admit fault and move on is healthy, I don't dwell and beat myself up. Still, she is in denial and pointing her finger at me keeps her from having to look at what she has really done. I am sad for her but happy with the life the Lord is giving me.


This is all so true and something that we can all idientify with. The problem is that she wants you to accept ALL of the responsibility. So much for her seemingly happy life, beautiful home and wonderful vacations, none of them have done it for her, have they? Now that we are healed it's all so easy to see and interpret.

Yup, someday she'll have to face what she's done, but it still seems she has quite a ways to go with you AND with God!


Love,
Bethie


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
Re: All things...10 - One year anniv. D Final!!! [Re: drbty] #1236212
10/19/07 06:16 PM
10/19/07 06:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,907
Northern California
Survival_Goddess Offline
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Northern California
Hi C2H...

Sorry about the anniversary. My own 1 year anny is in November. I think your X is doing a LOT of "projection"...As drbty says above, it is all about her.

You seem to be a very committed dad from my POV...AND you seem to be doing all you possibly can be doing to move ahead emotionally and spiritually.

Let her comments run off your back like water.
They are just as insubstantial.

Take care,
sg


Survival Goddess
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker






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