Ty you appear to have quite the sitch on your hands there buddy. Not to state the obvious or jump on the bandwagon but I agree with HS, you need to be vigilant and watch CL's behavior closely.
Good luck and yeah, Val sounds like a very special gal to attempt a truce between her and CL.
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
Thank you for the posts.... 1210- It's funny how you say that, b/c I thought it was odd about Crosby and Caeson and Val mentioned this as well. She did understand from the "mother" aspect of not wanting someone else to take that place. Val also mentioned that she observed Cara having the need to "be in control" of the situation and their conversation.
Cara does seem to focus quite a bit on the issue of Val and I. In fact she brought it up again after the therapy appt and was determined to have control and make me do things her way. I finally told her that I was not going to listen to her about this and it is something she should discuss with her therapist when she gets one.
I do try and point her towards therapy. She said she can't afford it without health insurance right now, but she should be able to soon.
Val and I discussed the above posts and the significance of her being aware. She said she is fully aware and can tell through her discussion with Cara that things aren't quite right with her. She also said that she has no need or want to be around her at this time and if it happens that she is around her she will not "walk on eggshells or fell like I have to."
The maturity level is amazing between the two of them. It is becoming more apparent that I was very complacent and codependent in my marriage to Cara. I can tell Val that I'm apprehensive about things or bothered and I get the response of an active listener. Not the response of someone who is orbiting the Death Star in their X-wing fighter. I know that Val is aware and I also know that she can handle herself very well.
I also know about Cara. I will be vigilant. I have already stopped explaining our R to Cara and any of Val's plans. I've told her that when things don't concern her, she doesn't need to know about them.
And to think I was done at that little amusement park!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
Val does sound like she is handling it pretty well. It's just a shame that you have found such a compassionate, understanding, self-confident woman in your life and as you two become closer, you have a ball and chain holding onto one foot.
I just have a strong feeling that the wrath of Cara is going to be a big surprise for Val. Your X has that possibility of anger gone wrong...to what extent, I don't know. I feel that when Cara finds out that Val is staying with you...all hell will break out. Cara will start to fantasize in her mind, that there are wild happenings taking place, in "her" house, where "she" used to sleep.
Just be prudent, lock everything up, drapes covered, etc. Cara is definitely going to be a problem.
If you can, have a neighbor keep their eye out when you go to work - when Val arrives. Give Val a description of Cara's car and color...just in case. I wouldn't put it past Cara to follow Val, to see where she finds a place to live. This sounds sad and pathetic, but Ty...listen to me carefully...you have a wounded XW that won't let go...that, mixed with her unstable behavior equals a time bomb. She won't go after you...it will be Val.
Val says she is well aware of her craziness or what could potentially be.
Cara is aware of Val staying here and in fact it wa announced to Crosby at the therapy appt. That little stinker is too smart. The therapist mentioned that there was no need to talk in code with her, b/c she "got it". I at one point after talking with Crosby about Val staying here for a while said... " I am apprehensive to co-habitate with said female b/c I am unaware of the effects it might have on them."
Crosby puts her hand on my arm and said "daddy... it's ok if Val stays with us" HAHAHA... booger
So Cara and Crosby are both aware. I let one neighbor know last night and so I'm sure the entire neighborhood knows by now...(she loves to talk). Most of them have met Val and they like her.
I'm thinking about having Val be absent during the swapping of the kids and I am also going to padlock my gate to around back. I feel like Cara's attack will be ore of a verbal one than anything else, but she has surprised me before.
Val's biggest fear is that Cara will start to yell in front of the kids and that will include her daughter. She said that she will not stand for such an act and Val is a no BS kind of gal.
I have learned to lock my house every night after the 1am appearance of CL.
I hate to say it, but if Cara were to go after Val, I believe that I would have to write off the mother of my children. Not so much b/c it is Val, but more for the stability of my children.
Thank you everyone.... back to taking apart my dryer. If anyone knows a good/cheap appliance person in the orlando area let me know!! Or maybe after this I will become one!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
I know Cara knows that Val is intending to stay there temporarily until she finds a place...but when she's actually there...that's a different playing field.
Crosby is so smart...what a little charmer.
Well, if the XW can yell in front of her own kids, who's to say she won't in front of someone's kids that aren't hers.
Hey, my friend, just how hard are you on appliances? First, the refridgerator, now the dryer...what's next? The toaster, can opener, microwave, dishwasher...you have to show those things lots of love...or trash them and get new ones.
You sound like you are pretty covered on everything...that's good to know. Let's hope nothing happens and soon there will be the acceptance and transition will occur.
Very good points about CL. She gets upset and it doesn't matter who is around... the pea green vomit comes. Val and I discussed this further and I repeated some of what you had written. She said that maybe she is coming down into a war zone but it isn't going to stop her. Val also told me last night that she doesn't want me to defend her to Cara. She feels that it would only make the situation worse. "If she starts spewing about me, just let her go on. There is no need to defend me, b/c they way you describe her and from when I talked to her I don't think she would listen anyway."
As far as appliances go.... I can't catch a break. I took the dryer apart last night. Tested the electrical and I know that the machine is getting juice. After removing the drum I decided to call it quits. I'll get back to it tomorrow. I'm going to the gym tonight to burn off some appliance anger!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
