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You got mail.


Me 45
WAW 46
Married 23yrs
D22
S18
D12
W moved out 1/12/07
Divorce Final 2/06/08
Joined: Sep 2006
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We had a parent teacher conference yesterday and things seem to be getting a little better since the introduction of the meds.

I then took cros to the pill pusher (psychiatrist) and we discussed a few things.

I asked her about the whole val thing and received a reply that p*ssed me off to no end. She told me that it doesn't look good in God's eyes. And that is not the type of person I should be as a christian parent.

Who said I was Christian? I didn't ask for her moral input only her professional input. If I'd wanted to be witnessed to I would answer the door on any given saturday.

Anywho. Things are moving right along. Nothing more exciting in my little world.


M-35 going on 15
D-8
S- 3 yrs
ex-CL(w)- 30

D over one year

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
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I have never heard of a doctor telling a patient that something wasn't christian. Wonder is she would have said that to Ian?

Glad to hear things are moving along in your "little world" or like a friend of my says, "on his planet."


Me 45
WAW 46
Married 23yrs
D22
S18
D12
W moved out 1/12/07
Divorce Final 2/06/08
Joined: Dec 2006
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Ty, we both know there is no "one size fits all" answer. Trust yourself to do what is best for your children. I know you have their best interest in mind always.


Me 45
WAW 46
Married 23yrs
D22
S18
D12
W moved out 1/12/07
Divorce Final 2/06/08
Joined: Oct 2006
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Ty


...AAACCCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your psychiatrist for Crosby, has to be the most unprofessional,
judgemental, and unethical doctor that I have heard of. There is
no room, in psychiatry or psychology, for personal assumptions -
unless, it is specifically asked for. It is the concern, for the
patient(s) to present an unbiased, medically founded, resolution
to the areas of issues. It is the doctor's duty to use any form
of medicine to correct any imbalances that may have direct impact
on the day-to-day functions of the patient.

However, not knowing how you begun informing her about the plans
with Val coming down here - I would assume that your interest was
the outcome on Crosby. It still does not allow her personal,
religious feelings to be known. In psycho-therapy, it's the aim
of the therapists to re-direct any questions/doubts a patient has
on specific issues, back to the patient to come to their own
conclusions via thought processes. Of course, the thought pro-
cess is guided very well, to keep it on a goal-oriented path.
No where, will you find religion brought into the scope used as
a means of guilt. Unless religion is brought up...it's never
a focus. That's not to say it isn't important, it's just too
personal and usually isn't suggested unless the patient brings
up the need.

The implication that Val staying in your home temporarily, is
deemed immoral, from her, exceeds her line of responsibility.
I would have said something back rhetorical...that is unexcusable
on her part.

God meant for us to be happy, in peace, not harming anyone and
living in his light. HE also knows that we make mistakes and
HIS son died for our mistakes...we will always make mistakes and
as long as we correct them and do our best for each other with
no hidden motives, we will be blessed. We are not perfect and
never will be...No matter what form of religion you believe in,
the basic principles are there.

I would not divulge anymore information to your psychiatrist for
Crosby, unless it deals with Crosby and anything that might upset
her, personally. The "shrink" has already judged you...that is
unethical...
Do not lose any sleep over this...

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TY, you are stronger than I am dude. I would have lit that Psych up if she had said that to me. What a judgmental statement.

Ditto to 1210's post my friend. The only thing I would add is that if her statement made you feel uncomfortable with her ability to give Crosby proper treatment then find a new therapist for your D. Reality is, if she can judge you in that manner, what is to stop her from doing the same to your daughter?


Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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Maybe I'll sue the pants off her and buy a big house for DB folks to come and stay at when they want to visit the tourist hell I call home!

Today she actually sees the therapist. I like her. She keeps to Crosby which is what we are there for.

Fri and Sat night I dealt with a little girl who kept getting out of bed. This became very aggravating to me, b/c I know that her mom lets her sleep with her when she gets up. I don't. And not b/c I don't want to, but I was advised that she needs to understand that I'm ok and she doesn't have to fill the female role in the house.

Long story short
We discussed on Fri what was going on and she said she missed mommy. I explained to her that I could understand that, but getting up and not sleeping wasn't going to help the situation. She said she was mean to mommy on Thur and she apologized but didn't know if mommy believed her. I told her that she did what she could do and apologized and I'm sure that mommy believed her.

On Sat I think the truth really came out. She missed us being a family. She missed having us both around. I told her that I missed the family part too, but mommy and daddy couldn't live together anymore. I repeated all the things I could about both of us loving her and that she didn't cause this and she couldn't fix this. We laid in bed for a long time and just talked at 1AM!!!

She is too smart for her own good. \:\) But she is a trooper.

Fri Ms. Val got a call from CL. She called her back and they talked. CL told her that she thinks it would be good for Cros to have a female around, but when it comes to Caeson "I don't want you touching him!"

Val said that she could tell CL was very defensive on the phone and she didn't do anything to exacerbate the situation. V told CL that completely understands where she is coming from. I guess the convo went on for about 15min.

CL also expressed concern that by V coming down here, she was putting the kids in danger. V reassured her as I have that neither one of us would do such a thing to our children.

V finally told CL that we were in a R and that if our R was to continue we would eventually have to come to terms with everything. CL said "I don't want to hear that. I'll talk to you later... bye" Typical CL... at least she said bye and didn't hang up like usual.

CL and I discussed Cros this morning and the appt. CL wanted all 3 of us to sit down as a family with the therapist. I told her that this is Cros appt and it is for her. Not for us to hash things out. If she wants that, she can schedule it. I have no urge to sit down with CL. I would love to see CL and Cros sit down. The anger towards her mom seems to be a lot stronger than it is towards me.

I'm looking forward to her appt. today. I want her to be able to talk.


M-35 going on 15
D-8
S- 3 yrs
ex-CL(w)- 30

D over one year

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
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Hey Ty. As usual, good job of being there for Cros. Interesting about not letting her sleep in your bed. I let my kids crawl in all the time. And for a while there it was because I just needed someone to snuggle up with. Now I do it because I just want them to feel loved and comforted. But that's an interesting theory about filling a role. Yikes...hadn't thought of that.

I'm shocked that CL called Val. WOW. Good for Val for handling it so well. I think OM will get an earful from me someday.


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

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It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
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Dear, dear Ty

My heart goes out to you, my friend...things looked like they
were going well for Cara...it seemed like she was adjuting. Your
last post, shows the reality of her spinning downward.

It seems to me, that her concern is not about the kids, but more
than likely...her need "not" to be replaced. It doesn't matter
if it's Val or anyone else, for that matter. It's the classic
issue of "If I can't have you or be with you, then no one else
will either". She has apparently thought that maybe, just maybe
you two were not a couple...always a little doubt...but when Val
confirmed it...she was angry, didn't want to hear it. Her state-
ment about not wanting Val to touch Caeson, reflects her trying
to control "her men". You, Ty, represent Caeson...it's okay with
Crosby, because Crosby is standing up to Cara and also resents
Cara for pulling apart "the family". Caeson, is "mini-Ty". She
doesn't want Val involved.


So, what does this mean? It means that Cara will inject herself
into any relationship that you have that will be a threat to Cara
and upseat her former title. This shows in her calling Val and
then not wanting to talk to her anymore, when the relationship
is confirmed. It had nothing to do with the kids. Cara knows
you are a good father...this is Cara vs. any woman in your life.
The sad thing about this...is that she can do a great deal of
damage. She will wedge herself between you and Val. I would not
take this lightly...with Cara's mental issues, it can progress to
something severe.

What can you do? Try to get her into counseling, without you or
Crosby. If you all went as a family...Val will be brought up by
Cara and you'll bring up the OM pre-divorce...then Cara will not
continue, leave and never go back (history)...it will be a waste
for all, including the therapist (hee hee).
I would also keep any information from Cara about Val...also, I
would suggest that Val not return her calls, or if answered,
continue to talk to Cara. Your "private" relationships, with
whomever, has nothing to do with Cara...nothing. You are legally
divorced. Unless Val or someone else, harms those kids...there
is no room for your XW. You wonder where the term "XW from Hell"
comes from?...well, you have one Ty. This isn't going to get any
easier...she needs help. You need to keep Val away from her
grasp. I wouldn't doubt, that when Val comes down, your XW will
show up, unannounced...to confront her.

As I said earlier Ty, my heart goes out to you...there are storms
that are coming right to you. You need to keep Val away from the
scary one.

P.S. Crosby is acting out her anger towards Cara because she
doesn't have a female role model...also because she loves her as
a daughter does, but blames her at the same time - her security
is shaken...Val will help that situation greatly, if she could
come down here sooner...just a thought. ;\)

Love ya...please, please, be careful...I'm worried for Val's sake
in this wicked scenario...

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As usual when 1210 posts, Ditto buddy.

There is something a wee bit psychotic about the inference that it is ok for Val to get close with Crosby but not Caeson. Watch that very carefully buddy and you make sure and give Val a huge squeeze (and of course a little tongue) for me for being such an amazing woman and dealing with the remnants of your marriage. It takes one special woman to tolerate that and Val certainly is special.

Cara, wants you now..... Because you are no longer obtainable, because she knows what she gave up, and because someone else "has" her man. The cycle continues dude.......

Love you buddy, stay strong man......

Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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