My thread is under newcommers,but thought I'd post hear w/ some questions. What are the OW withdrawal symptoms??
H shocked me by coming back unannouced(well maybe if I'd pick up the phone beforehand).
H had been talking about it for months. H number one complain about me is that he is drowning in bills & cant keep up w/ the house payments. So, I had been doign 180's even though I myself also high in debt in bills ,but was able to alleviate H of one big bill by putting it on my name & paying from now on.The day before he returned I told him if I had to sacrifice other credit card bills then so be it & I will help w/ the house for we cannot afford to lose it. H started w/ the negatives again of how I need to stop making promises I cant keep and IF he were to move back the girls(three 6,7 &10yrs) need to keep their rooms clean. But yesturday he was home w/ all his stuff everywhere. H seemed angry and I did not show exitement but stayed aloof. I mentioned that OW was prolly not going to let go so easily(very possesive & clingy),I needed to keep my mouth shut but I wanted to know what was going on! H said he didnt want to discuss it righ then.I knwo he had been complaining here & there that it the R wasnt what he thoguht it would be.
H wanted me to later in the evening to take him by his dads to pick up his motorcycle & i said I would. It was almost midnight when he finshed puttting away his clothes & I asked if he still needed me. Angriyly he said dont worry about it I am trying to figure it out and then he left. I had a sunken feelign he was not returning. Mind you if I would of waited to call w/the 48hr rule I would of given him the benefit of the doubt since he was extremely tired an sleepy another times he has fallen asleep w/ out calling me.I called him by 2am twice and left one message which I think sounded more desperate than I really was. I told him I was thru w/this rollercoaster and was getting off it & I was sending his stuff back in the mornign to the OW. H was leaving this mornign to business trip.I did not hear from H at all.
Do you have an update? What is H doing/saying now? Has he come back home? I'm not sure how he reacted to your "chasing" him w/ the phone calls, etc. I think you need to truly detach and wait and see what happens. If he's truly committed to coming home and working on the M or not.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Did you call the mortgage company and find out how far in arrears you are on the mortgage payment? Is it going into foreclosure? Do you and H still have equity?
I'm glad he's moved home, but you will have to know what's going on if you want to keep the house or sell it.
The house payment was corrected w/ a new loan agreement. The payment went down a little bit. H got a loan from to pay w/ the past due & foreclosure fees.H got really upset when you tried to get information from the mortage company. He changed his address for the bill & gave them a password so no one can get any info.I appreciate you trying to help, thanks.
H is away this weekend. Heres the kicker- we were texting back & forth this morning & I asked the question that I already knew the answer to & really didnt want to hear the truth. I asked him if he went back to her place last night & he said yes. Then in the next sentence he says he wants to be w/ the kids but he has to deal w/ me and not being able to trust him!!! HEllO??Says he shoudlnt of moved back & needs time to adjust. I told him I can learn to trust but he had to do his part.I expalined how I am on a great support website that helped me learn so much.I expalined the comparison of the A w/ a drug addiction & that he had to avoid any contact,not answer calls until he set free to heal. I expalined the stages of withdrawal, anger,depression & grief and that we will go thru all the emotions together. We couldnt talk on the cell b/c he is at a race. I amthinking about telling to stay here at least until the holidays for w/out him will be so hard on the kids. this will also give me time to show him my changes. What do you think?
Another question- should I call the OW & tell her to back off?Ive only talked to her once in the beginning wher she denied anything.. She seems scared to confront.
The house payment was corrected w/ a new loan agreement. The payment went down a little bit. H got a loan from to pay w/ the past due & foreclosure fees.H got really upset when you tried to get information from the mortage company. He changed his address for the bill & gave them a password so no one can get any info.I appreciate you trying to help, thanks.
H is away this weekend. Heres the kicker- we were texting back & forth this morning & I asked the question that I already knew the answer to & really didnt want to hear the truth. I asked him if he went back to her place last night & he said yes. Then in the next sentence he says he wants to be w/ the kids but he has to deal w/ me and not being able to trust him!!! HEllO??Says he shoudlnt of moved back & needs time to adjust. I told him I can learn to trust but he had to do his part.I expalined how I am on a great support website that helped me learn so much.I expalined the comparison of the A w/ a drug addiction & that he had to avoid any contact,not answer calls until he set free to heal. I expalined the stages of withdrawal, anger,depression & grief and that we will go thru all the emotions together. We couldnt talk on the cell b/c he is at a race. I amthinking about telling to stay here at least until the holidays for w/out him will be so hard on the kids. this will also give me time to show him my changes. What do you think?
Another question- should I call the OW & tell her to back off?Ive only talked to her once in the beginning wher she denied anything.. She seems scared to confront.
MPO, for what's it's worth, is that you sit back & watch & wait & see what H does. I definitely don't think you should call the OW. He needs to do that on his own and in his own time.
If he truly wants to come home and work on your M, he needs to get to that point on his own. I think you should back off on any R talks, what he is thinking/doing, etc. He may not even really know what he wants to do right now. Being loving & patient is what he needs right now. I know how hard that is, but pushing him into anything or "helping" him to make the "right" decisions isn't going to help your entire sitch. If he's not truly ready, he may come home for a little bit, but then go back. He needs to decide for sure that he wants to come home and then truly be on board w/ you before you 2 can really move forward.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I agree....H needs to tell the OW to back off himself. My friends thought I should do the same thing. Pleade to OW as a woman and a mother and tell her to back off. The thing is, that is your H's job. He needs to keep the boundary there with OW on his own.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I never contacted anyone about your loan. I don't know where you live, who your loan is with, or even your husband's name. I have no idea who might have tried to contact them, but it was not me.
I don't think contacting OW will be productive. It will just make her feel more powerful if you show her that you feel threatened by her.
I'm glad your husband straightened out the house business, and I hope that he will continue to keep a roof over your head.
I cant remember who said they were a realtor in Tampa area? H sais she was from Tampa.
I dint know ths bank could do such thing. I found the note H wrote to them which he had to explain the circumstances of why we fell behind and list all his debts.
Oh, Sara...Im feeling so at alost. I want to take the D papers and go file before H returns from his trip. Its not what I want but if H leaves again ,I will tell him this time will be for good, no more second chances. I cant go thru it again.
I cant afford a L, so since we have papers signed already, I can take those.This will make H angry for he will know I went thru his stuff. H usually keeps these papers in his car (away from me),but since he had to leave for business after moving back he prolly forgot to take it w/ him.
