Guess I didn't realize I locked up my last thread. Not much has been happening so I haven't worried about posting. Hope you are all well. I am doing fantastically !!! Just loving life right now.
My contracts are picking up so I am getting close to being solvent. Of course, this isn't guaranteed salary so I need to build a nest egg for the slower times, but at least things are starting to roll. And I keep getting great feedback from the people that I am working with. Seems like everyone is very happy with me and thinks I'm doing a great job. So I am feeling GREAT!!!!!
I've also been working on my schedule to book heavy the dates I don't have the girls so that I am able to eat lunch at school w/ D6 a couple of times a week and pick her up right after school so my afternoons are free w/ the kiddos! I am so lucky. The other day I was walking around with a huge smile on my face b/c I feel so blessed to be able to have all this falling into place in such a way that my kids aren't being as impacted as they could be. Lady Luck is my friend!!
This week I've been substituting in the library at D6s school as the librarian broke her foot and had to have surgery. I did a great job. Kids were wonderful. Got to spend loads of time w/ D6. Very good stuff.
One small complication that i want you to weigh in on. B/c the girls have been sharing a bedroom at their dad's house, D4 doesn't want to sleep alone in her room. Sometimes D6 obliges her, but most often not. So I tell D4 she can't sleep in my room b/c she has a room and then she sneaks into my room. I see her, but pretend not to. I'm just not sure how to handle this. I understand that this might be a backstep for her. And I really don't mind. I guess I just want some validation that it wouldn't be a terrible parenting move to allow it. Does that make sense? Sure I enjoy having my bed to myself, but I don't get the individual time w/ her I get w/ D6 at and after school so it's ok. And bedtimes have been a nightmare this last week b/c of these issues.
So, the main reason I wanted to post today was to share a funny experience from Wednesday. I texted STBX reminding him that he needed to get the kids picked up from school Thurs afternoon and then I got a vmail from him asking me not to text him but to email or call and leave him a msg. He then said he would get D4 if I'd let him know how to get to the daycare but that he had to be to work at 7:30 fri morning so he was wondering what my schedule was so he could leave her w/ me and I'd take her to school. So I called him and let him know I'd drawn a map and that I also would be working friday so he would have to figure it out. this is how it went... X: that's great! What time do you have to work. I have to be at work at 7:30 J: I have to be at work at 7:45. X: Sounds like it will be more feasible for you to take D4 then. J: No, I'm sorry, I can't. X: I hate to sound like an 8 y.o., but I had my job 1st and I've been working this job for 5 years and my schedule hasn't changed. J: While we were married, X, it was my job to make your life easier. Now it is not. The days you have the kids, it is your responsibility to take care of these issues. X: Well, I can't make this work. I wouldn't have agreed to this daycare if I didn't think you'd be helping me out. J: This is the first I've heard of you having a problem with the daycare. When people D, they each have to find a way to take care of the kids on their days. That is how divorce works. X: Well, I'm going to have to put her in a daycare that is more convenient for me on my days and it doesn't seem right that she has to go to 2 daycares. So I hope you don't lose your place in daycare b/c she won't be there full time. J: Well, we are talking about fridays and every other monday. X: That is what we have now, but understand that I am going for equalizing the time we have the kids. I want 50-50 so it will be more than that. J: Let's deal with what we have in place now before we start worrying about ifs ands and buts.
So that was the phone convo. I handled myself quite nicely and stayed calm and friendly the whole time. Couldn't feel better about how I did. Then STBX arrived to pick up D4 for the evening and basically said he will figure out a way to keep her in that daycare b/c she is being bumped around enough already. So that is another piece of good news.
Oh, and almost forgot, my BIL helps me take D4 to school in the morning, and X asked if he would help him. Uhhhh, no. STBX made a comment about 'if he paid gas for BIL, he wondered if he'd help him b/c even tho he is probably not interested in helping him, it doesn't seem right that pride or whatever can get in the way of D4 being where she needs to be'. HAHAHAHAHAHA... BTW, BIL said he'd do it for $60/week. Everything has a price, I guess.
Sorry this is so long. I think this is a record. Hope you get some chuckles, I did.
Welcome back - first order of business - I would like a pint of Spaten Oktoberfest and a shot of Silver Patron please (it's Friday and I'm still on vacation ).
Second, sounds like you are doing really well and handling the stuff that comes your way - keep up the great work!
On the bedroom thing - I'll leave that to folks w/ more experience in that area.
Have a FANTASTIC weekend!
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
Julie, You've got a lot of great things going on. Way to go!!!
About D4, how about offering her a reward every morning if she stays in her own bed all night. Doesn't have to be anything big, maybe, a special snack, getting to pick her own clothes out, favorite cereal, etc.
It's great to see you so happy and you handled your X perfectly!!! I applaud you!!!!
Step aside men....she still owes me a couple of rockin' maragritas! Line 'em up.............
Julie speaking as someone who always had a kid in their bed, she will out grow it but right now she has a need to not be alone.
When we moved here my kids were coming in to sleep with me everynight. It was so bad that a friend from New Jersey called up and asked how many bedrooms we had. When I asked why they wanted to know they said because all we really needed was a 1 bedroom apartment 'cause of the way we all crammed in bed together (well they said more than that but no need to go into that here). Anyway, oneday they decided that enough was enough and slept in their own bed from then on.
When I was little after my Mom died I would go into my Dad's room and stand over him until he sensed I was there and very sleepilly he would just say "get in." Look at me I turned out ok right?? Right????
If it comforts you in some way think of how it must make her feel.
Congrats on your new life. You deserve this and so much more. Now where's my drink?
Just got your post on my thread, sweetie! Way to show STBXH what it's like w/out you...the responsibility he has. What's "best for D4" seems to be relative to his own happiness. Like, whatever happened to a regular bedtime and all that? He's a deflated erection at best, sweetie. Have you ever seen anything sadder than a limp penis? Really?
You have great things in store for you! I'm so proud!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I see her, but pretend not to. I'm just not sure how to handle this. I understand that this might be a backstep for her. And I really don't mind. I guess I just want some validation that it wouldn't be a terrible parenting move to allow it.
Nothing wrong with that. Even if there hadn't been any trouble in your marriage, a four year old child might want to join you when she felt scared or lonely or whatever.
My youngest turned eight last week, but he climbed in my bed one night this past week. And he likes to flip and flop around, sleep diagonally across the bed, etc. so I worry more about whether I'll get any sleep than whether he's somehow "regressing."
She'll get more secure as she recognizes that it's ok and I bet she'll want to "be a big kid" soon enough.
Quote:
While we were married, X, it was my job to make your life easier. Now it is not.
You know that it really wasn't your job, don't you? I felt and feel the same way toward my ex-wife. It's no longer my job to protect her from the consequences of her own choices. But it never really was. I took that role without thinking about it. Somewhere along the line, I became responsible for her choices.
Still got anything left in the bar?
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
J: While we were married, X, it was my job to make your life easier. Now it is not. The days you have the kids, it is your responsibility to take care of these issues.
Good answer Jules!!!! I am dealing with similar issues. Mine seems to expect me to keep his calendar regarding the kids. When their spors schedules came out i e-mailed them to him. If there are any changes or additions I also e-mail those. So I e-mailed him that D9 has soccer pictures tomorrow. he already has the schedule for the games that D9 and S8 haev tomorrow. SO I got to voicemails this evening when I was away from my phone. The first one was him asking where the games were. I did leave him a VM telling him that he would need to check the schedule I e-mailed. The second call was asking where the team pictures were being taken. Again, that was something I already let him know, and I did not return that call since it was late when I got the message. I'll have to remember the way you said it Julie when I talk to him.... I'll let him know that as his wife it was my job to help keep him organized and on schedule, but I was fired from that job!!! LOL Maybe his GF can do it!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Thanks for the stop by my thread, Julie. Your support made my day just a little bit brighter!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
You know that it really wasn't your job, don't you?
Thanks for this. I do know that. I guess that is the part of being a SAHM that is most challenging. I felt like I had to 'earn my keep' and my value-added was less than Xs. But I do realize this. And hopefully, he is learning this.
You're welcome, SD. You're doing great. Take care of you!
Thanks for the input on the sleeping arrangements. Jill, I have offered rewards for staying in her bed all night, to no avail. But I'm going to go with Bethie here and let this ride itself out. I want my kids to feel safe and protected with me. And if that is how I can do it, I'm not going to sweat it too much.
Hope you all had a great weekend! I didn't have the kids thurs, fri, sat or sun so my house is sparkling. I was missing them pretty bad so I asked X to bring D4 by this morning so I could take her to daycare (which incidently helped him and he appreciated, but my motivations were purely selfish) and spend a little time with her. And I'm meeting D6 for lunch today. So it is a transition day. I'm going to act as if, but I do imagine it will be one of those days. D6 was teary when X dropped off D4 and I know she is just tired. Go figure.
I'm so glad for you that you got to get your little one early and that you get to have lunch with J. Hopefully this will get with their transition back to MOM. Very smart on your part, although I know that wasn't your biggest motivator for doing so.
Isn't it nice to have a clean house and to be able to relax with the girls and enjoy it?
You know Julie, everybody told me that I was wrong in letting the kids sleep with me but if I had it to do over again with everything that I now know, I would handle it just the same.
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