Remember me? I was on this board in the early part of 2005, up until my WAW read my threads and decided that my holding on was unhealthy and divorced me. So, I had to rise again as a new persona in the form of la_esperanza, Joe_negativity, and ultimately Just_me.
I decided to post under this name just for fun. I looked at my posts under "My stuff" and was amazed that I was reading my own story. Wow, I was pathetic! I posted every little interaction or lack of interaction with my W/XW and made excuses why to see her or not. My emotions were a rollercoaster.
Looking back, I wish I had had no expectations at all and just lived my life without worrying whether anything I did brought me closer to my goal. I spent way too much time worrying about what she thought and not enough worrying about me. It's so weird to have a trail documenting the process. But, we live and learn, don't we?
Anyway, I'll now go back to my usual name after saying thanks to all that helped the lamebrain phoenixdeux on his journey.
Me
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
My thought of the day, brought about by once again looking on the MLC area (where it's wise to stay away from), is that there is a really big fallacy in saying, "the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence". How would anyone know that? It would be impossible to say that.
If that is true, then the first person you ever seriously dated should be the only person you are ever with. What makes a 5, 10, 15 year marriage different than a serious unmarried relationship? Does the marriage certificate and vows mean that it was the best thing out there for you? There are some people that have too many issues to even be dealt with and the grass almost certainly is greener elsewhere. So, sue me....I don't believe that all marriages are worth saving.
I also wanted to put this poem down. I heard an interesting and I believe true (from the writers own words) interpretation of this poem that is so often misinterpreted.
Quote:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
The funny thing about this poem is that it's often interpreted to mean that he took the more difficult or moral highground and that has been all the difference. But when you really read this, it's a "tongue in cheek" type statement. It's self-aggrandizement when he tells it in the future. What he said was that two roads diverged that were essentially the same. There wasn't a less traveled road. He anticipates that he'll embellish later in life and tell about taking the less traveled road, but he didn't really. And he couldn't know whether that made any difference at all. It's kind of like that with talking about the greener grass. If you looked for greener grass and it didn't work out, then you say, "the grass isn't greener", but there are those that find the grass is just fine on the other side and looking back, the original grass is brown, dry, and full of stickers.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Huh? . . . WTH, JM? That was like reading a paragraph full of double negatives. Not fair on hump day. Not fair! . . I did once take it as him taking the more difficult, more moral path. But it later also spoke to me about how we make choices in life, and opportunities past tend to never come again, either because they are truly gone, or because one can't seem to get oneself to make the effort to retrace one's steps and find the opportunity again. The apologies, self-work, and reconciliation efforts are just 'too hard' compared to an untrodden path.
Life goes on, as does the Road. Here's one that I find myself singing or humming from time to time as I walk around my campus:
Quote:
The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.
The Road goes ever on and on Out from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, Let others follow it who can! Let them a journey new begin, But I at last with weary feet Will turn towards the lighted inn, My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
There's no place like home. Home is where the heart is.
So, I had to rise again as a new persona in the form of la_esperanza, Joe_negativity, and ultimately Just_me. 
Huh?
