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Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: Astimegoeson] #1242175
10/25/07 03:02 PM
10/25/07 03:02 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Ah where's her sense of humor? Did she take it with her when she left or do you think her guilt makes her take things too personally? If that were me I would have laughed it off.


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: BethM] #1242193
10/25/07 03:11 PM
10/25/07 03:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
BaseballAnnie Offline
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BaseballAnnie  Offline
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I agree with you Beth, I think her reaction indicates that "witch" analogy hit a little too close to home.

Perhaps it has occured to her along the way that she resembles one more often than not.

I would say to her: Grow up, get over yourself, and a sense of humor wouldn't hurt either, Witch.

Hang in there, Asti, and remember, her own feelings of low self esteem are not yours to fix.


"Go where your best prayers take you." -- Frederick Buechner
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: BaseballAnnie] #1242251
10/25/07 03:37 PM
10/25/07 03:37 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
A
Astimegoeson Offline OP
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Astimegoeson  Offline OP
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Ohio
Thanks you two.. Yeah, I said it in a joking/lite manner.

Come to think of it, you know she's lost her sense of humor here lately. She's always stale anymore. Like moldy bread. Maybe the OM's depressing state of existence is starting to bring her down. I think she is jealous of my jovial moods sometimes and wonders why/how I can be happy.


"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
-Mark Twain
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: ] #1242322
10/25/07 04:12 PM
10/25/07 04:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
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swashy Offline
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swashy  Offline
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Bingo! Realization of her own choices. Gosh..that hasta suck. Onward and upward my friend.


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: swashy] #1242851
10/25/07 09:17 PM
10/25/07 09:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
A
Astimegoeson Offline OP
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Astimegoeson  Offline OP
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Ohio
Well, I just got an email from the stbx. Looks like she is going to serve me at the beginning of November. Gee, isn't that when her OM's parole hearing is? What a coincidence! It's not like I didn't know it was coming, it's just that I dread having to go through the whole process especially through the holidays. I'm not your most motivational type when it comes to the clerical stuff. Gathering papers, info, etc. I'm very disorganized when it comes to that stuff. I need a divorce secretary or something!!!

Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions on the timing. It's possible she finally decided to file because I'm dumping her from my insurance. We had talked previously about it and she said she was going to get her own anyway. Now that she figured out what it is going to cost her through her work, she insist that I agreed to cover her until our dissolution was final. I only agreed to cover our S7. She says I'm obligated by law to cover her. I have not had a chance to bring that up with my Lawyer, but that is a new one on me. I didn't know you are responsible for that even if you are happily married.

She doesn't realize it, but she just took the fast track on loosing the house. She can't afford to buy me out until spring and we are going to have to settle that matter before a judge. I'd be willing to forgo a generous portion of my equity if we could close the deal, but she's being very stubborn and unrealistic with her demands. I can't afford her terms. We'll have to sell at under market value. She's making a huge mistake with this greed of hers and the adjustment for my S7 is going to be so demanding. That's the hardest part for me to stomach.

I don't even know why she had to tell me I was going to get served. She's all proud of her expensive Lawyer her Dad is buying for her and seems to think she's going to be awarded the moon from me. I guess I don't have any rights as a Father or Man according to her.

This sucks, but I guess I had to face this sometime. I wish I could fast forward it and be done already. I don't think I'm going to be able to talk her into mediation, she's going for the throat in the hopes that her lifestyle and standard of living remains the same after divorce.


"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
-Mark Twain
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: ] #1243993
10/26/07 06:53 PM
10/26/07 06:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
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Astimegoeson Offline OP
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Astimegoeson  Offline OP
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Ohio
I'm looking through the offender web site database and there are people who's last parole hearing was last July and they still have not rendered a decision. Either that, or they've ruled a continuation and the next hearing date has not been determined.

I have a feeling if they stretch OM's decision out, stbx could drag her feet on a whole lot of issues.

Your right Cori, I know why she waited until now to file. I've got to adjust my strategy according to this frikin looser she's involved with.


"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
-Mark Twain
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: ] #1249836
11/01/07 05:12 PM
11/01/07 05:12 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
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Astimegoeson Offline OP
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Astimegoeson  Offline OP
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Ohio
OM's parole hearing is this month. I'm more concerned with my S7's welfare, but know if he gets out, the stbx and he will consummate their EA and it will become a PA.

I guess in some respects I'm prepared for it, so the sting won't be so bad I guess. There's also the possibility that the parole board disapproves him for parole. Either way, it doesn't affect our dissolution accept for the timing. I won't be second best, so there is no way I would take her back at this point. If they do disapprove him, they will push his next parole hearing up 3 to 5 years from now. Wouldn't that be sweet justice for the both of them? It would give my S7 more time to age and absorb the insanity of his Mom's actions.

I would have to believe the Family of the Man he killed 15 years ago is still protesting his release to the parole board. Either way, these next couple/few months are going to be a pivotal turn of events in my situation. It sometimes takes the board 2 or 3 months to make a decision. Other times it's pretty quick. We'll see!

BTW, according to her, I was suppose to get papers yesterday, but they never came. Either she's blowing smoke or it will come today or tomorrow. I have not asked her if she went through with it, but I'm prepared either way.


"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
-Mark Twain
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: Astimegoeson] #1249921
11/01/07 06:07 PM
11/01/07 06:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 9,929
Illinois
BethM Offline
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BethM  Offline
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Illinois
Hey Tom,

Man ya' just can't write this stuff can you? So, I'm not sure I fully understand. If wife's murdering convict BF were to get out of prison, can he just move in under the same roof as your 7 year old. Surely there is something that you can to to protect him from living with this guy?!?! I'm scared just reading about it all. The other thing is that I can't believe that it would all be that easy to get paroled after being convicted of murder. If it is then that's a crime in itself!

Tom, getting served hits us with a mixed bag of emotions, but looking back the worst had already been done with a prolonged separation, so believe me, there are a lot worse things that can happen to us. Actually it helps us to not stay stuck waiting and hoping that these very confused spouses of ours will someday wake up.

Take care.........

Bethie


"put me in Coach - I'm ready to play today;
look at me. I can be centerfield"/John Fogerty
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: Astimegoeson] #1249969
11/01/07 06:37 PM
11/01/07 06:37 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,626
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Lissie Offline
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Lissie  Offline
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Quote:
I would have to believe the Family of the Man he killed 15 years ago is still protesting his release to the parole board. Either way, these next couple/few months are going to be a pivotal turn of events in my situation. It sometimes takes the board 2 or 3 months to make a decision. Other times it's pretty quick. We'll see!


Oh Tom, I pray for you, your D, and that man's family.

IT is all so sad and so crazy.

Tom you are a great peep, fo sho


Live Simply
Love Generously
Care Deeply
Speak Kindly
Leave the rest to God
Re: Serenity at last! part III [Re: BethM] #1249991
11/01/07 06:48 PM
11/01/07 06:48 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
A
Astimegoeson Offline OP
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Astimegoeson  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,471
Ohio
Thanks for the reply/advice Beth. Unfortunately the over crowding situation in our prison system places the undesirables back out on the street despite public safety concerns. Aside from building more prisons or more aggressively pursuing the death penalty, there's not much chance that somebody will spend more than 15 or 20 years in prison for 2 ND degree Murder. They will sentence you to 15 to life, but there is no way your going to spend life in prison for 2 ND degree murder. You will get out in 15 to 20 years in most cases.

Over the past couple of years, I've discovered there are other oddities and irregularities In our justice system. For example, your likely to spend more time in prison for Involuntary/voluntary Manslaughter then you are for 2 ND degree Murder. Your better off purposely killing somebody than accidentally killing them if you hope to spend less time in prison. Your also more likely to spend more time in prison if your a 3 strikes drug dealer/misdemeanor offender then if you were a murderer.

Anyway, my "legal" options to protect my S7 are very limited in connection to OM getting paroled. That doesn't mean I can't take action if I perceive a threat though. I'm certainly not going to trust our justice system to protect him if it comes to that.

As far as getting served, I'm not to worried, concerned, or emotional about it. I'll deal with it when/if it comes. If she doesn't file by the end of this year, I was considering doing it myself after the new year. It's really just a clerical/administrative headache for me at this point.


"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
-Mark Twain
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