Finally going to a D........

[~Sol]

Hey Cades........or RedHead! Nice of you to drop in!

I have to agree with you - my wife, as messed up in the head as she was a year ago, has never been nice to me except a few times, but overall, its all been about her needs and how unhappy she is. I don't know why I stayed with a person like that. But she has not changed, only on the surface. And now she wants to rely on me since she's struggling financially. Well, too bad for her, life has a way of letting karma bite you in the rear, right?!

I'm looking at the future with just me and my daughter, and we have a strong bond. Even her mom told me that our daughter adores me and she helped to bake a birthday cake for me - how sweet is that? I know my daughter and me will remain close throughout her growing years and the rest of her life, and that to me is the best gift I can possibly have. If God wants to bless me with a new loving significant "other", well, that's just fine with me. And deep down, I am willing to give marriage a chance but with the right person. I believe in family and raising kids and sharing my life with a woman who cares......key part "woman who cares". My present wife is not that person....she's using a manipulative tactic of being nice to me again just when she has no cash to cover her expenses. She'll probably want to move back in but it's too late for her now. I can't go on like this when she has no desire to change at all and has no clue what her part in a R is supposed to be.

My 38th birthday is all I need to remember about how "big of a heart" she has for me......I'll get real and sincere affection from a pet, and I'm thinking of getting a dog!

I still have to go through the legal BS of ending this bogus M, but I think I can get through it.

[~Sol]

Today I "stumbled" upon my now STBX's secret cell phone. I was angry for a short while but I already went through my own hell a year ago, and this is just another confirmation that she is still seeing that jerk. Deception, manipulation, lies........I've had it with her, and all the things that 1210 and others have said to me are ringing so true in my ears right now. I'm a little teary, angry, pissed, that I have been lied to during all this time, but it's just an ending to a no-good R/M.

I bought new locks at Home Depot and I'm replacing the house locks. I'm getting the paperwork to start the D process, and as long as we both don't contest a D or custody, we can D in a Dec or Jan since its been nearly 6 months of being separated.

I confronted her today about her cell phone and the messages on it. She's still "in love" with this guy, yet even after me seeing those messages...she still tries to excuse everything away......freaking unbelievable!!!!! STBX is really, really out there and she's lost in her own fantasy world. And I don't want any part of that.......she officially now makes me sick to my stomach to think of what she's doing, oh and she's already shifting all of the blame about divorce onto me, and her only attack against me is her twisted notion that she thinks I am gay since she can only recall the times I didn't want sex....yet completely ignores the other times that happened over 10 years. She's beyond rational.

Anyway, I am at home now, taking care of my girl, and moving on with my life.

[12102006]

Sol

I'm sorry that, once again, she has failed you. Ignore her
attempts to project her emabarrassment and fear of your discovery
of her secret phone, onto you.

The audacity of her calling you gay...yet she was the one that
would push you away if it didn't suit her timing. She is really
confused and not at all interested in you.

Get angry, cry and let yourself feel the emotions...just don't
present any anger towards her. I wish there was someone, with
whom she told, that this was an actual physical affair - so you
could file for adultery as cause for the divorce and get custody
of your daughter fulltime. She could have visitation, but not
permanent custody.

I'm sad, but glad, that you have realized her deceptions, she is
not willing to change...she needs to go.

[~Sol]

Thank you 1210. I blew it with her and got upset....but mainly because of her attacks of blame and guilt towards me. I know what it's all about, but I let my emotions get the better - I'll watch it from now on. I'm doing better now, and I am just going to ignore her and not fight.

I also wish there was someone she told about the guy - I just don't know. She has 2 or 3 female friends she talks to daily. But the deceptions are exposed. I see her game, it makes me sick. I would love full custody, not sure how that's going to go.

She is already out of here and now she is divorced in my mind. I had to change her name on my cell phone from (name) to (name - Cheating) to avoid getting suckered by her sweet talk that she will pull tomorrow.

Hey, next time I go out with someone I'll make sure she has a college degree and nicer job....and of course she'll be very, very attractive (and sweet).

[~Sol]

My crazy wife - a.k.a.STBX - came by the house on her lunch at 3am - just to yell and threaten me. (She's angry that I exposed her affair again)

Then she left. All she can do to have a "war" with me is to call me gay and tell me I have a small penis. How childish is that?

[~Sol]

Well I got 2 hours of sleep last night, I tried to fall asleep but after the stbx left I was too spent to go to bed. I ended up falling asleep on the couch - 2 hours, just enough to get some energy for a new day. I'll be feeling it later in the afternoon.

Her predictable behavior is showing through. I knew that this morning she would be "nice" again after her little outburst last night. And yep, she calls and wanted to arrange for her to pick up daughter after school, which I agreed to. She wasn't cold or harsh at all on the phone. She even sounded surprised that I agreed for her to pick up my little girl. I'm just tired of the same old dance - I guess that's why I kept smiling at her last night when she was acting irrational and lashing out at me, and I'm glad I remembered I knew why she was doing it - she just wanted a rise out of me but I didn't give her one. I was actually happy when she left and even waved "bye" to her (in a good riddance sort of way).

I'm doing pretty good considering I know she's involved with another guy. She's not in her right mind - plain and simple. But I know that the feelings she has are real - and I also know that feelings change. I am not looking to reconcile anything with her, but just say "thank you, have a nice life". I guess the best thing that has happened so far is that I have gone through "I wonder if she's coming back" to "I don't want her back at all". Big difference, and I made my own choice in deciding this. I feel good about it.

[12102006]

Oh Sol

Nothing is so embarrassing to the female population, as when
"one" of us uses that old cliche of size matters. How utterly
ignorant she is, or anyone else that believes that garbage. She
can only lash out at you, by attacking you personally, whether
it's true or not, to hurt you...like she feels, when you found
her still involved with the OM. Typical fear on her part.

Arguing is healthy, as long as the issue is brought up and then
resolved. When the attack mode starts and personal feelings are
being brought up...it's pure fear, that's all...just fear. I'm
happy that you see it and not react to it. If she ever brings
it up again, just smile. She'll realize what a jacka#$ she is
being and will eventually see that it doesn't bother you. To
react, is to give her the power over you. Silence is golden...

Her immaturity is so great and overpowering, that she can't even
control it herself...what a shame. I feel sorry for anyone that
she traps into another relationship...God forbid.

I would let your attorney know of her stopping over in the middle
of the night - which will affect your job - to see if anything
can be done to prevent it. That's another "red flag" that shows
of her lack of respect towards you. There was no reason for her
to do that, your daughter was asleep, so were you...what was the
point? She can eat her "lunch" in her car at work, but why wake
up two people? Because she can...that's why there has to be
something legally, in your state, to stop her from doing this.
A restraining order, or something. How would she like it if you
showed up at her place while she was sleeping? She wouldn't.

[~Sol]

1210..

I am onboard with the Silence is Golden attitude. It's all just verbal attacks at this point, and if she comes to harass me at night again I will do something legally about it.

Divorce is on its way, no question here. You are so right about her maturity level - or lack of. She's acting like a little girl in a 33 year old body, what a shame. I just hope to get a good night's sleep, but I know what I need to do if she starts up again.

Halloween is nearly here, and I am taking my daughter to a church event - it's a Halloween carnival and should be loads of fun for me and my daughter. Her mom isn't doing anything for my daughter on Halloween, so I will make sure she stays with me that evening.

[~Sol]

I wanted to add that I am stressed out.

I did good this morning when psycho STBX came by the house demanding that I open the safe and give her her citizenship document. But her passport is also there. I didn't have the combo on me, its at work, and I told her I would open it as soon as I could. Yet she starts looking through my things anyway looking for the combo. I didn't argue, I didn't stop her, I just went with my normal routine to get ready for work.

She wants to pick up my daughter, I said fine. No argument there but I reminded her that I made plans with my daughter for Halloween and I am still taking her. She then asked my daughter what she wanted to do.....my daughter said she wants to be with her dad and go to the carnival tonight and trick-or-treat afterwards. She also tried to persuade her son to go live with her and that she was taking both of them out of their schools. She then told me she wants the house sold right away.

She's ballistic. All of this and I didn't argue, she said she will screw me over since she wants a war now....blah blah, and all I said was "ok, fine". That's it. I didn't add to the argument or engage her in it. I think it struck a nerve because she failed to get me upset. Well, I am upset now but I need to stay calm in all of this.

She's hot-tempered right now because of the rumors at her work about her having an affair - yet she claims she is doing NOTHING wrong....

[Lissie]

Hi Sol

YIKES


Sorry about all of this.

I love that you stayed calm cool and collected.

I hate when parents put the kids in such positions, by asking them those questions? UGH.

Have fun tonight at the carnival, and Happy Halloween.

I hope the rest of the day gets calmer

If your STBX is anything like My STBX , she will probably what she is soo pissed off about in a couple of days.