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A Message from Michele
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Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128245
07/10/07 05:37 PM
07/10/07 05:37 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,941
Las Vegas, NV
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frank_D Offline
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Originally Posted By: sol1696
Her heart is that she knows she did wrong, won't admit to it, yet she blames me for not making her feel happy all these years. She is judgmental with me, but I know she is hurting just as well. That is where she is at.
Yes, and it's when you 'remind' her of the truth, but not by attacking her, that she has to slowly take responsibility. That's the key to her growth and recovery - her taking responsibility for HER feelings and HER actions.

You can't MAKE her do it, but you can sure HELP her see it.


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Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: frank_D] #1128287
07/10/07 05:57 PM
07/10/07 05:57 PM
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~Sol Offline OP
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I don't want to attack. But I react to her snobby comments and indifference to me. I tend to snap...I guess I need to show her or tell her what good marriages are like. We both need to learn that.

I am still shaky from yesterday and last night. I changed her front tire, and she stopped accusing me of puncturing it. Why would I go through the trouble of damaging it and then go out of my way to fix it for her???? She is way too jumpy - but she's the one that left the house, and now she spends more time at the house than her place.....just to see who comes over maybe?

Last edited by sol1696; 07/10/07 06:05 PM.

~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128320
07/10/07 06:10 PM
07/10/07 06:10 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,502
Avoiding the Mother Ship
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osu43130 Offline
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First of all I have been watching but did not want to say anything until I cleared up some of my own issues first. So Here it goes....

I told you so....Now man up brother..... ;\)

Quote:
I react to her snobby comments and indifference to me.



WHY REACT? That is exactly what she wants you to do brother. It is her reminder as to why she does not want to be with you. Once you realize that it is easier to control. Take back the control brother.

Quote:
I guess I need to show her or tell her what good marriages are like.


You do not and you can not show her. All you can do is treat her with respect and love. Other than that she is going to see what she wants to when she wants too. There is not a damn thing you can do about it.

However by reacting everytime she does something that YOU think is not right you are prolonging your anger and pain in the sitch.

Let go and quit walking on egg shells. Evertime something does not go your way you want a D. Everytime something is good you do not know what you want. Guess what. It is not on your time. She needs to fix herself on her time. Not to mention I can still see a lot in you that you need to fix as well. Starting with your reactions towards her.

Hope that helps a little.


Till Later,
Big Sexy


Ben 32
STBXW 29
3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months)
Status: Fighting for the Kids.

"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128328
07/10/07 06:14 PM
07/10/07 06:14 PM
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Avoiding the Mother Ship
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osu43130 Offline
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Quote:
but she's the one that left the house, and now she spends more time at the house than her place.....just to see who comes over maybe?



Who honestly cares. If you do change the locks and set your boundries. If you do not care then LET THE F^CK GO OF IT.....

Sorry to be harsh but you are dwelling on something that YOU created and that YOU can correct.

Vent and just let go of your anger and then correct YOUR problem. You are a smart man and YOU know what you need to do. You do not need us telling you any of this brother.


Ben 32
STBXW 29
3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months)
Status: Fighting for the Kids.

"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: osu43130] #1128330
07/10/07 06:14 PM
07/10/07 06:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
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~Sol Offline OP
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Thanks Big Sexy!!!

I knew you would pop in with an "I told you so".....

You are right. I need to stop reacting to her crap. She wants reminders of why she left, etc.....that in itself upsets me, but knowing that I hope I can overcome my jerky reactions to her.

I need to get back to that penguin logic....


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128355
07/10/07 06:23 PM
07/10/07 06:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,502
Avoiding the Mother Ship
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osu43130 Offline
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I know you know all of this crap it is just harder to practice it.

But you know what they say....Practice makes perfect and it is more true than you can possibly believe in our sitchs. Wait till you actually stop reacting to her and watch what she does. I can gaurantee you will confuse the hell out of her and she will either stop or try to find some other way to push your buttons. No one knows you like your Wife don't forget that. She knows more buttons than you can possibly imagine.

Look at it like a test that you don't want to fail.

Try to face everything with a smile no matter how hard it is or how fake it is. Just realize that she is who she is right now and accept her for that. You do not have to like it but you might as well accept it for now because she is not going to change as fast as you want her too (If Ever).

Later,
Big Sexy


Ben 32
STBXW 29
3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months)
Status: Fighting for the Kids.

"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: osu43130] #1128419
07/10/07 06:50 PM
07/10/07 06:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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Why is your name "BIG SEXY"????


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128424
07/10/07 06:54 PM
07/10/07 06:54 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 7,502
Avoiding the Mother Ship
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osu43130 Offline
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Just in a good mood today. After the past few days of being a pitiful a$$ I had to do something to cheer myself up. So I decided that I would just change my attitude and the name was something that you were the first to see. Have no idea why I even used it but it sounded fitting....LOL


I am still waiting to go and see our Columbian Princess by the way. I have decided that you have no chance because she will not be able to handle my charm.....


Ben 32
STBXW 29
3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months)
Status: Fighting for the Kids.

"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: osu43130] #1128519
07/10/07 07:46 PM
07/10/07 07:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
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~Sol Offline OP
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~Sol  Offline OP
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Shakira already has the hots for me!!!!!!

Dam that woman is sexxy.....

Last edited by sol1696; 07/10/07 07:47 PM.

~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1128567
07/10/07 08:13 PM
07/10/07 08:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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~Sol  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,442
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I'm gonna beat you to the Columbian Princess because she is going to make me give her a tattoo when I meet her. Or better yet, I will custom paint her guitar....sorry but you'll have to wait "Big Sexy".... ;\)

Last edited by sol1696; 07/10/07 08:13 PM.

~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

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