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A Message from Michele
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Re: New to this.....feeling down [Re: ~Sol] #1126561
07/09/07 07:07 PM
07/09/07 07:07 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 199
Canada
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Sol...

Woah, breathe buddy...

Step back a sec...remember your wife is a WAS...she will use everything to justify her decision and make you look like the bad guy.

YOU ARE NOT.

You just reacted to her, she knows that will get you angry...you gotta stop reacting to her when she pushes you.

She says that again...respond calmly with, I am sorry you feel that way, but that was not my intention to upset you, but in reality, we could not afford to go to Flordia right now.

Respond like that, she won't know what to say, there is no argument. She tries to push you, end the call politely.

Oh and trust me...I know how hard that is...

Re: New to this.....feeling down [Re: Sigh] #1126569
07/09/07 07:12 PM
07/09/07 07:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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I wish I could have done that.....

I see that she is trying or attempting to repair the M or just take "time out" from it. Guess I need to accept the fact that it is either over or its going to be over.

I was giving her space, and being polite in kind. And she snaps at me out of the blue with this.......

I will try to be nice to her from now on....but I don't want to be M like this.....it's not right.

Even apart, she continues to be abusive to me. I'll try to be more civil, but I feel the need to go and file and get her out of my mind.

Last edited by sol1696; 07/09/07 07:15 PM.

~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: New to this.....feeling down [Re: ~Sol] #1126593
07/09/07 07:23 PM
07/09/07 07:23 PM
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Posts: 199
Canada
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Quote:
I wish I could have done that.....


It will get better, one day you will be able to. Don't expect too much from yourself right now...baby steps.

Quote:
I will try to be nice to her from now on....but I don't want to be M like this.....it's not right


No it isn't.

Quote:
Even apart, she continues to be abusive to me. I'll try to be more civil, but I feel the need to go and file and get her out of my mind


Of course you do, you are upset. Do you really think filing right now will get her out of your mind? The answer...

Nope it won't.

Come post your venting here...it helps...alot

Re: New to this.....feeling down [Re: Sigh] #1126757
07/09/07 08:47 PM
07/09/07 08:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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I'm still P.Oed that she even made a comment like that. What a way to throw me off and I let my guard down for a while. Serves me right, huh?

I know Ben is out there saying "I told you so...now man up and get your sh*t together Sol!"

He's right, I need to pull myself together. I don't know what to do now.....

WTH is going on in her mind??? She goes to the house whenever she wants to, uses my daughter as an excuse, yet my daughter gets easily bored at HER place. And I simply told her that I have some vacation days I need to use or lose, plus I have 2 weeks coming to me at my one year anniversary from working here. I told her I simply got 2 weeks now and that I've been here a year...

One would think that she would be happy that I have made it this far, and I have some good vacation days coming.....but instead she brings up her "failed trip" to Florida and goes off on ME! Blames ME for not WANTING to go....I guess she wanted to use some freakin MONOPOLY GAME MONEY to spend????


WTH is her trip? I'm still P.O. over this.

Is it time to change the locks on the house and ENFORCE some boundaries? I'd rather change the dam locks than file ......but I am itching to get her out of my life, at least on paper. She acts like a b**ch, and has been one for as long as I can remember, at least to me!!!!


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

I don't want her after all..... [Re: ~Sol] #1126859
07/09/07 09:53 PM
07/09/07 09:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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It's funny.....

I don't know why I got so upset about her not wanting me involved in family outings or vacations anyway. They suck when I'm with her. She does most of the complaining and she gets this P.O.ed look on her face. All of my outings with her have never been pleasant. I don't have fun with her at all. It's like she's hard to get along with and she does nothing to make me interested in her.

I don't want to spend any more time with her at all.

And I don't want to be married to her anymore.


Last edited by sol1696; 07/09/07 09:58 PM.

~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: I don't want her after all..... [Re: ~Sol] #1126879
07/09/07 10:13 PM
07/09/07 10:13 PM
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Posts: 199
Canada
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Welcom to the rollercoaster Sol...

One minute you want to save the marriage...next you are done...

Only comment I can make to this is don't make any snap decisions when you are upset.

Best advice I have heard on this site, let yourself cool off, give it 24 hours before you decide anything. Emotional decisions tend to turn out badly.

So what does Sol like to do for himself? Go to the gym, hang out with some friends, get a massage? Rent a movie?

Do something for yourself tonight man, you need some "me" time \:\)

Re: I don't want her after all..... [Re: Sigh] #1127137
07/10/07 01:41 AM
07/10/07 01:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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Well, I just went off on my wife. She claims I punctured her tire but it was like that when I got home.

She wants me to snap....well I am snapping now. She told me that I shouldn't be saying mean things to her, and I replied that she shouldn't be having affairs because I don't. She is sobbing now that I said some things to her. I'm sorry but I am human and way too damaged by her to let her ride me like she has been doing.

I know I am upset by all this, especially her misleading to thinking that we can go on a trip as a family when in fact she told me earlier that she doesn't want me to go with her on any more family trips - EVER.

That about set me off. And I am sure that I don't want to be M to a lying, abusive, and depressed woman after all she has done.


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Re: I don't want her after all..... [Re: ~Sol] #1127632
07/10/07 07:01 AM
07/10/07 07:01 AM
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Posts: 4,941
Las Vegas, NV
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Sometimes you do have to let her know what she has done, and why it is not acceptable to you. I did that with my W a few times. She asked, I answered the question, she didn't like the answer.


Current Thread

Re: I don't want her after all..... [Re: frank_D] #1127662
07/10/07 11:02 AM
07/10/07 11:02 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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It's hard to be civil with her when she is still deceiving me and manipulating the truth. She loves to point the finger at me now. Every little bad comment I make she likes to twist it and put a guilt trip on me. I'm sick of it. She's still whining like a little baby at the "breakup" of our M. She is not seeing her part in it at ALL. I have to remind her what she did while admitting to my faults in it.

I'm tired of taking the blame while she just points at me. What a wonderful grown-up individual she turned out to be. I'm trying hard not to let her get to me anymore....my mistake was opening myself up to her as I thought she was warming up to me again. I freakin gave her a nice foot massage on Sunday, and yesterday she tells me she NEVER wants me on any vacation trips with her at all????? WTF? Either she was setting me up to snap at her or I just gave her too many opportunities and she crossed boundaries - but she made me think like she wanted us to become close again. I'm an idiot!

I slept a little bit, but this morning I am still P.O.ed at her. I guess my anger goes past my being emotional. I feel disgusted being M to her now. I'm thinking more logically, and I DON'T want to be around her at all on ANY trips anyway. I don't give a rat's a$$ if she said she wants us to go to a theme park together. That's a recipe for disaster!!!!

It's all going to be business from here on out. I'm not allowing her to hurt me anymore because I am shutting her out.


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

Wife's heart???? [Re: ~Sol] #1127950
07/10/07 03:28 PM
07/10/07 03:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,442
VA
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~Sol Offline OP
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Posts: 2,442
VA
Don't know if this helps, but a friend brought up an interesting point....where my W is at. And I realized this:

Her heart is that she knows she did wrong, won't admit to it, yet she blames me for not making her feel happy all these years. She is judgmental with me, but I know she is hurting just as well. That is where she is at.


~Sol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single Dad, and luvin it!
~ Happiness is a state of mind ~

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