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#1116075 06/29/07 08:43 PM
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Hello all,

Benn reading up on some stiches lately. Looks like some of you are seeing positive steps..which is reall nice to see.

Today is not a good day for me. It's my birthday, and I am really depressed. I had plans to go out tonight, originally with H, until yesterday evening.

He came over last night, and was on his emotional roller coaster ride again. The OW left him, apparently her priest did not accept or condone thier relationship behind her H's back...go figure.

That sent my H into an angered depression, that he gives to everyone and they just toss him aside. I told him I understand that he is hurting.

Then it started...the same things as the last 18 months, the fact that it is all my fault that our marriage failed (which I do admit and except my part and failings) Blaming me for the world, and now his newest thing...blaming me that his future is hopeless. That the only lie I ever said was "I do". And to top ot all off "one day I am going to kill myself, and it will be your fault".

I just sat there and held him. I did not know what else to do.

This morning I woke up tired and sad. I think I have had my fill of being completely reponisble for his emotional well being. I can barely get through days myself.

Today, he stopped by and he asked me out this evening. He said "no one deserved to be alone on their birthday, not even you". I told him no thank you, I was not in the mood. Then he got angry, because he offered to go out with me, and I said no. He does it to make me happy, and I push him away. I told him I appreciated the offer and that it meant alot, but I would not be good company tonight..

He just kept going..."Nothing I do will ever make you happy, you have not changed. I try to do something to make you happy, but it is never enough."

Why can't you treat me like you treated your %*(%&^ boyfriends. Why am I not as important as they were...

I have no answers to give him.

Then he asked if I wanted him out of my life..for the first time I hesitated in answering...all I could say was, I don't know. He left, upset at me like always..mummbling, you want to be alone for your birthday, then fine..be alone.

No offence guys, but I no longer see any positives today. I am not making any rash decisions as I know I am not in the right mindset to do it but I truly beleive there is nothing left of this marriage to save. I am wondering if we ever had a marraige to start with.

I know I have to pick myself back up, but I need to rest before I do.

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Originally Posted By: Sigh

Then it started...the same things as the last 18 months, the fact that it is all my fault that our marriage failed (which I do admit and except my part and failings) Blaming me for the world, and now his newest thing...blaming me that his future is hopeless. That the only lie I ever said was "I do". And to top ot all off "one day I am going to kill myself, and it will be your fault".


WOW, that is 110% codependent. I don't think you can allow that kind of talk from him. He needs to see a counselor pronto.

And he says YOU haven't changed, looks like that a 2-way street from the exhange you posted. Sorry things sucked on your B-Day.

Have a better day tomorrow \:\)


We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.

3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...

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for what it is worth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

I am sorry you are finding yourself here, try to do something just for you tonight. I did that last night and it helped a lot...I wish I was close to you and I would take you to dinner...your H is right about one thing..noone deserves to be alone on their b-day...

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Sorry Jazz..I have to learn how to post old threads. My first thread has..well..disappeared because it was old. I will see if I can dig it up and link it.

Without getting into all of the details of who did what over the marriage I will give you the very, very condensed version..

I had 4 affairs in my marriage, 3 sexual, 1 not.

Quite frankly, if he does not want me as his wife, which I would not blame him in the least, then file and move on.

But he will not file, it is like he keeps telling me that if I want him out of my life, then I have to file. If I don't, then I have to deal with the consequesnces of my actions, that he pretty much hates me, has the right to treat me however he feels, because I hurt him so bad. The problem I have is that I am allowing it at times.

I completly understand that I did. I know what I have done is horrible.

We separated a month ago, I thought that would give us some space that we both need. Him his "freedom" to do as he wishes, me some time to get things straight in my head and work on me.

Apparently, that was wrong too. I left him and all I needed to do was let him date and meet someone new, and be supportive and loving about it.

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Quote:
He needs to see a counselor pronto


I agree with you 100% JR, unfortunately, he refuses to see one

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Thank you Faith.

\:\)

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Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!


....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am
I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon
~ Avril Lavigne ~
..."Nobody's Fool"...

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Originally Posted By: Sigh
Quote:
He needs to see a counselor pronto


I agree with you 100% JR, unfortunately, he refuses to see one


Then you know what? There is nothing you can do about him. You can't beat yourself up over him. And definitely don't let him make you feel worse about yourself than you already do. If he won't take action, you can't worry about it.

If he can't forgive you that's his problem. You have to forgive yourself though - don't forget that.


We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.

3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...

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Thanks KS...

\:\)

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And definitely don't let him make you feel worse about yourself than you already do


If I try to be strong, and feel better about myself, then I am heartless and do not care how he feels. Heaven forbid I actually show happiness.

Quote:
You have to forgive yourself though - don't forget that.


I am working on that JR, just taking time. \:\)

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