Instead of hijcaking anyones post, I figured I would start a new one.
I don't know where to start today. Everything seems so hopeless. Things were going pretty good for the last week, I was finalizing getting things together this weekend, to separate and try to work on my M in time.
Now, it seems as if I am too late.
My H told me lats night he has fallen in love with another woman, yet again. They have been talking over the internet for 2 weeks (ever since we decided to separate), and he told me last night that he is in love with her.
She is married, with a young child, and lives 3,000 miles away. Her H ships out to Iraq soon.
Regardless if this is just a fantasy or not, this is the third time this has happened. The pathing is identical, but he tells me that this time it is different.
I don't know what to feel. I am just so lost. It feels like all of the hope I have been holding on to for the last 2 year, is gone in a heartbeat.
Not becaue my H feels this way, I am glad he is happy, I have not seen him this happy in a very long time.
But because, even if this just is a fanatsy, even if she tells him that she is married, and it can never be...
I can not go back to H again, and continually be second place for him. That if his feelings with this woman are not returned, that he still has me waiting to give my heart back to him.
I feel as if I will not survive the day, but I know I will.
I need to start focusing on me again. I need to find myself help to get through this. I need to find a friend.
It is quite literally my darkest hour, and I could really use some words of inspriation right now....
I've been having a hard weekend myself, so I'll be around here during the day. I wish I had some magic words that would make you feel better, because I'd use them on everyone else here too.
I guess all I can say is the same thing that all my friends keep saying; it will get better in time. Sorry it's not very much but I hope it does help at least a little bit.
I know it may not be much of a comfort, but know that there are others who have been down the same road. A person who thinks they can fall in love/be in love in two weeks over the internet is a person I would say has very little idea of what love really is. Especially if this is happening over and over again. if you are like me at all, you are now questioning whether he ever really loved you or not.It has taken m,e the last six months to basically accept that my W's own issues prevent her from feeling a true, deep love. Her love is forever superficial and transient.
For myself, I know I deserve more so my choices are to let go and find the person i deserve or to let go and hope that W finds the help she needs to be able to love truly and deeply. The fact that we have kids makes that choice harder but the first step is the same either way.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Last night my H and I talked. It was not an easy conversation.
I told him that I love him, regardless of what happens with this other woman. He is moving forward with whatever he has with this other woman. I wanted to beg and plead with him to stay, to try to work on us...
But what would that accomplish? Nothing. I tried to be strong and not cry, but that did not work so well.
He is blind by love at the moment. He thinks this person is "the one" because they are so similar....
My H is 35, she is 22... She lives in the southern states, we live in Canada.
He now beleives the other two women he fell in love with was preparing him for this moment in his life. He said somethings that were very heartbreaking to me personally, but I could see his happiness in his eyes, I could see how this woman has changed him in such a short time...
Maybe they are meant to be together, who knows.
I am trying not to let my brain and thoughts of despair get the best of me. I have already invisioned them meeting, falling madly in love and him gone from me, forever.
Trying not to think these things, but as we all know it is hard. He needs to do this, he needs to find out if what he feels is true. He needs to explore it.
All I could tell him, was I will suport you as much as I can, and that I hope he finds happiness in whatever he decides.
The one I truly feel sorry for is her H. He is a very jealous man and she will not tell him how she feels about my H. She is keeping it a secret. He will be blindsided, and by the time he knows of this, he will either be in Iraq, or getting ready to leave. He will be gone for 18-24 months. I pray for him.
Of course I played devils advocate with my H and told him her H has a right to know. BEFORE he leaves. It would not be fair to him in the least to get the "letter" while overseas. He said it was not the time to tell him anything yet, because it was so new.
They have a 1 year old daughter, and apparently, their marriage is not going well either. She is a very religious woman, and now is willing to throw away her beliefs, and her marriage.
I guess I just wasn't ready yet to hear all of this. I was still dealing with the separation. I will be fully moved into my new place tomorrow.
I made too many mistakes in my M. I neglected my H from the begining of the M, then to add insult to injury, completly loose my morals and have 4 affairs (3 sexual, 1 not). I broke every promise to him. To keep his heart safe, to be faithful, to put him first. I blew it all.
This morning I gave him the only thing I could...Forgiveness.
I told him I forgive him, for everything that has happened. The EA's, the rejection, whatever he felt that he did wrong, it was all forgiven. I did not want him to go into this new situation feeling guilt.
I am still a pretty big mess today, but not as bad as yesterday, and hopefully I will be a little stronger tomorrow.
Thank you for the e-mails UA and Jazz. I will probably be using them very soon...
Sounds to me like your guy is shell shocked thinking the way he does! For someone to say that the other 2 women he "loved" prepared him for this moment is about like me saying, well the cheerios this morning for breakfast and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch prepared me for the steak I am having for dinner tonight. Stupid, plain stupid. Hope he keeps his head low in Iraq.
For someone to say that the other 2 women he "loved" prepared him for this moment is about like me saying, well the cheerios this morning for breakfast and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch prepared me for the steak I am having for dinner tonight.
I will have to remember that one. Best line I've heard in a while
Sigh, I am truly sorry you are going through this. Nobody deserves it. But your H has lost his mind if he thinks this 22 year old is his soul mate. They both have issues they need to deal with and are using each other to ease the pain. And you're right, the OW's H is about to have his whole world come crashing in and he doesn't even know it.
Last edited by GK99; 05/29/0712:20 AM.
M:32 W:26 Kids: None Cats: 2 Together: 9 years Married: May 2005 Bomb: September 2006 Sep: November 2006
Hey, hang in there and be patient. This will not last! He will realize what a big mistake that he has made and he will come running back and then the power will be in your hands. He ought to be ashamed of himself. He doesn't deserve a good woman like you. Just look at him as a preference. GAL and do your best to detach. Start living as if you don't need him, you prefer him. Don't be available when he calls. Return calls, but be elusive.
Not much has changed with respect to my H, he is going "full speed ahead" with this OW. She told him yesterday that she brought him a promise ring...3 weeks meeting, basically it represents she will wait for him.
What a crock of S*^&
Then the next thing, she had the nerve to tell him that she wants to give him something I wouldn't, she wants to give him the son he always wanted!
A bit of background, I have a son, I was very young when I had him, and he is not biologically my H's, and is austistic. My son is not cabaple of a quote "normal" relationship.
I was destroyed by that comment.
I have been trying to be there to support him. It is just so damn hard. I feel like, as long as she is not available by phone or on line, then he will come talk to me.
It is hard when he calls me and says he needs to talk, and askes me to come over, and then I do and then she either calls or shows up on line and I am forgotten.
I feel like....second place, like I don't matter.
Last night was awful for me. Needless to say walking in on your H when he is MB to another womans picture, and talking to her on-line is not an easy thing, and was quite embarrasing for me as well.
This morning I woke up and got ready for work. I was just about to leave when he woke up and asked why I was leaving so early. I told him that I needed to. He sat there and said, I need to talk to you about something and apologize, please do not leave..
Stupid me, I stayed...
Only to hear how wonderful this other woman is, and no apology for whatever he was going to apologize for.
He "needed" to talk, and if I left, then I would have abandoned him. Ironic, he can do the same to me whenever he likes, but I do it and I am the bad guy. He asked me how it made me feel when I walked in on him last night, I told him, won't elaborate here, and I actually DIDN'T get angry (that is a big step for me)and all he could yell was "last night wasn't about you, it was about me. You have not changed in the least." and of course the typical "we are done, there is no more chances between us. There is no more us, you threw that away."
I can accept the fact we are done, as trust me I have not been at all good to him in this marriage. My affairs, my treatment of him, all of it.
But then, when I don't talk to him, he says it hurts him that I will not say how I am feeling, that I will not talk to him. This morning I just said, in a calm voice..
"Does it really matter? You have said we have no future and H and W, but as friends. So as my friend I am telling you I can not talk to you about how or what I am feeling."
Then he says, why can't you just be happy for me that I have found my dream, and that it makes me happy.
I responded, I am happy that you have finally found what you are looking for, I am happy for you, but it is still difficult to be happy for me at the same time, because of how I feel.
I left after that.
First thing I need to do tonight is go home, and get my sons things moved to my new place. Unfortunately that requires my H's help because I can not move the furniture on my own. So we will see how that goes.
Then I need to stop going over. Stop calling for a while, stop e-mailing, I need to do that for my own sanity. Chasing and wanting him at this point is pointless and useless.
I am in the midle of scheduling a councelling appointment. I have found a councellor that seems to be more focused on short term councelling ang coming up with strategies and solutions in dealing with problems. We shall see how that pans out.
Ok enough of the novel.
New very short term goal for today - not to initiate contact with H. This is going to be a very long, hard day
Comments are always welcome, even if they are to slap a 2 X 4 over my head to get me to wake up
