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#1070906 05/26/07 12:07 PM
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As my thread is probably about to lock up, I wanted to start up another one before I head for the airport.

Besides, I just like coming up with clever Subject lines.

There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain't got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted


The dogs on Main Street howl 'cause they understand
If I could take one moment into my hands
Mister I ain't a boy no I'm a man
And I believe in a promised land

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TOUGHER THAN THE REST

Well It's Saturday night
you're all dressed up in blue
I been watching you awhile
maybe you been watching me too
So somebody ran out
left somebody's heart in a mess
Well if you're looking for love
honey I'm tougher than the rest

Some girls they want a handsome Dan
or some good-lookin' Joe on their arm
Some girls like a sweet-talkin' Romeo
Well 'round here baby
I learned you get what you can get
So if you're rough enough for love
honey I'm tougher than the rest

The road is dark
and it's a thin thin line
But I want you to know I'll walk it for you any time
Maybe your other boyfriends
couldn't pass the test
Well if you're rough and ready for love
honey I'm tougher than the rest

Well it ain't no secret
I've been around a time or two
Well I don't know baby maybe you've been around too
Well there's another dance
all you gotta do is say yes
And if you're rough and ready for love
honey I'm tougher than the rest
If you're rough enough for love
baby I'm tougher than the rest

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Ugh Choco, sorry about all the stress. You are doing great though. Stay strong.
If nothing else, it seems like your W having this EA/PA with someone 17 years younger is bound to fizzle out sooner rather than later. It will then be up to you to decide if you can live with that history.
And let me tell you, that can often be the hardest part. My H and I are through the worst of our own storm but the after effects are always hovering under the surface. They never fully go away. I can see how people just throw in the towel after a while. It is so hard sometimes.
But you know it will be an uphill battle. Just be realistic and work on yourself. No matter what happens Choco you are going to be ok.
LFL

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Thanks, "Mrs. Choc." ;\)

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Yeah, I know, lots of song lyrics, but hey -- if I can't send e-mails, I gotta get this stuff out SOMEHOW, right??

Anyway, I had to share these with all of you, as it's kind of surreal. The last two times I walked in the bathroom, and the fetching-but-sneaking Mrs. Choc. was also in there, these were the two songs playing on the radio, swear to gosh:



"What a Fool Believes"


He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool dont see
Tryin hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life

She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...

Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe theres a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
Hes watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
Theres nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...

---------------------------------------------------
"Take it On the Run"


Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you been messin around
They say you got a boy friend
Youre out late every weekend
Theyre talkin about you and its bringin me down

But I know the neighborhood
And talk is cheap when the story is good
And the tales grow taller on down the line
But Im telling you, babe
That I dont think its true, babe
And even if it is keep this in mind

{refrain}

You take it on the run baby
If thats the way you want it baby
Then I dont want you around
I dont believe it
Not for a minute
Youre under the gun so you take it on the run

Youre thinking up your white lies
Youre putting on your bedroom eyes
You say youre coming home but you wont say when
But I can feel it coming
If you leave tonight keep running
And you need never look back again

{refrain x 3}

Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you been messin around



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Choc,

Just thinking of you and hoping all is well. How did your trip go?

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Hey Choc,

Even though our sitches are not exactly the same, there are many parallels right now...

Who are these psychic DJ's that are playing certain songs right when we tune in? First thing, Monday morning (which was the day the OM was arriving to stay with my W) I get in the car to head to the gym at 6:45 a.m. and a college station that does not play many Beatles songs to begin with, chooses to play which song???:

...You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That's the end ah little girl

Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I've said
Baby, I'm determined
And I'd rather see you dead...


I do not agree with the violent suggestions of wishing to see my W dead, but I had not heard this song in a long time, and of course I heard it so very differently than in all the years past.

When our lives are in the midst of relationship turmoil and emotional swings, the pop songs we've been hearing for so many years as only background music, suddenly come to life and the lyrics speak to sympathetic vibrations of what the original writers must have been trying to convey, based on their life experiences from years prior to that.

I cannot believe how much pop music is written about relationships coming alive or falling apart. And for me, either genre hurts right now, because the relationship coming to life is the W & OM, and the relationship falling apart is myself & W.

Of course, I am hoping that the genres will do a crossover, and in the future, I can sing along with Chicago's "Alive Again":

...Yesterday I would not have believed
That tomorrow the sun would shine
Then one day you came into my life
I am alive again I am alive again
When you gave your love to me you changed my life
Dreams that once seemed hopeless come with ease
Thank you girl for being just the way you are
I would never try to change you
All I live for is to love you
I'm feeling alive again
I'm feeling alive again...


For now, Choc, keep the positive songs in rotation in your mind's play list, and whistle the optimistic ones when you can.

LG


Me 46
WAW 45
M 21 yrs

WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06
W moves out 3/07
Mediation finalized 08/08

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Checking to see how Choc is doing. How his dad is doing.

Lou

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Thanks, Lou, and thank you all for your notes of encouragement and concern. A bit of an update:

First of all, my Dad had a blessed and wonderful 80th birthday. The weather forecast in Chicago as late as a rainy Saturday was for 60% chance of rain and thunderstorms on Sunday, his birthday, but the big day arrived with clear-blue skies, the temperatures rose to a low-humidity, sunny 75 degrees, and the event itself was perfect. A great slide show put together by my SIL (with a little music consulting help from yours truly, "Mr. Song Lyrics" himself, of course, who chose a Dolly Parton and a Cat Stevens cut), great food, and just warm and loving company.

My dad was truly honored. We spent the next day driving up to Milwaukee, where my sister had rented a tour bus that we all hopped on, and my dad, his brother and my mom sat up front and reminisced over the microphone/PA system while we drove the neighborhoods where he grew up, the houses he lived in, the places he worked, where he met my mom, etc. It was really cool.

My marriage is thus:

I have confronted my wife, and am working thru the process with NOP and trying to shine a light, a path, for my wife back to our marriage. While she is physically still at home, she is emotionally somewhere else, the dopamine in her confused brain firing off (or do the synapses fire off? I always get that confused \:\) ) and she's refusing to end all contact with OM.

I am working the plan, while being loving, kind and respectful, and expecting my daughters to do the same do the best of their ability. They are HURT, and understandably upset with their mother, and it's killing Mrs. Choc. to see them angry and distant.

But actions have consequences.

I'm not posting much, so as to keep things simple (not "easy" by any stretch, but "simple") as, emotionally, I have moments when I'm a wreck.

But then God strengthens.

I have a wonderful, wonderful support group with my parents and siblings, and NOP has been a blessing. I feel like I have a former catburgler teaching me how to burgle-proof my house, and an AA sponsor available to me 24/7, and a wise but firm older brother, all wrapped into one.

So far, every reaction has been predictable, and everything has followed the script, something that really amazes me. I was in denial for awhile, until confronted with the painful evidence. Turns out D20 and D18 both already knew/suspected, independently of each other, and both afraid to tell me.

Sad.

But I am learning to grow, and learning to set (and enforce) boundaries that will serve me well if not in this marriage, then in my next relationship, and I'm learning to "fall in like" again with the man in the mirror.

He waren't lookin' too attractive before. Emotional cowardice is never very attractive.

I thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Please don't be insulted in any way for my lack of advice solicitation on here; even my sibling group I've narrowed down for sake of clarity and my own sanity.

I want my wife back, and not this alien who has invaded her beautiful, but cold, body. I want her for me, for our family, sure, but mostly I just want her back PERIOD. This one looks too sad and confused.

Chocolateeyes

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We're still cheering you on!!! We're all pulling for ya!


Me: 38
H: 35
S4, S5, S10
Bomb 01/07
Wanted D - nothing would change his mind
Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb
Piecing 04/07
Deployed for a year 05/07
Still Piecing 2010
M 11 yrs 05/10
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