C'mon, Sol. She knows exactly what she is doing! She's not a moron. Now you have to decide what you are going to do. If you must blow the whistle, then do so but take anger out of the equation. You're now blaming all your your actions in this sitch on the immigration issue, your choice to be and use anger is yours alone. It will prevent you from making good, well thought out decisions. As others have said, one day you are saving your M and then the next,when W pisses you off, you are going to file. That is anger. Today you are back to being concerned about her welfare, what tomorrow? Be your own best friend here, Sol. do what you believe to be right for yourself and your children. It's tough, I know but you MUST make a good, thought out decision. Keep us posted!
I realize I am upset over this, more now that SIL will eventually do what she wants to do anyway. W will do what she wants to do anyway. But unless I take action, I will just be a tool my w is using.
I have been dismissed from school for failing too many classes, so now I will have to re-apply later to be admitted again. I am struggling with bills, but trying to recover by freelancing. I am not going to suffer in this.
I feel I cannot post any more as I am too stressed out. I have thought about the worst, and also about giving up on everything. Some know that I have been at the end of my rope with this.
So I will say thank you to all who have helped. I came here thinking that I could save my M, and I thought I could. But I have learned something more, that I couldn't. I am getting different kinds of advice even after revealing all that is going on.
I might come back to post in a few months....but for now, I need to take a break.
Thank you all for being there when I needed you. You have saved me many times from doing something stupid, and thinking the worst. I am still going to seek legal advice (they will tell me what I need to do), and also see my therapist.
I also wish the best for all here that are working hard to save your M's. God bless.....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Sol, I just wanted to add that you are absolutely right in saying you can't DB right now! Your priority is dealing with the immigration issue. You must find out what your involvement could result in, that is priority. You must then decide how to proceed. If you blow the whistle it WILL undoubtedly end your M, be fully aware of this. Your W, SIL, and OM will undoubtedly be arrested and charged. This is a major choice you are making, Sol that is why I plead with you to do it with a level head. Get legal advice, as I'm sure you are. I feel for you Sol, I just want you to know that. Again, keep us posted.
Sol - You may need to take a break from the boards. You need to also remember that your D needs her father so don't do anything rash. Suicide is NOT the answer. You have been fighting this battle for a long time. You know in your heart what you need to do. Listen to Tom, call a L and see what they advise. You don't want to be involved in this.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Sol, KS is absolutely right. Now, the BB is a funny place, you get all sorts of advice. I've been told to grow a pair for ages but that is just one point of view. There are many ways to look at any sitch but only one person who can decide what ultimately makes the most sense. I am amazed at your stamina, the fact that you are still with your W, despite the intense and unending emotion you have experienced, tells me you are a strong man Sol. I would advise you not to leave the BB because you aren't hearing what you want to hear. We all deal with that but it does eventually help you to process what you need to do. You have to sort through the pebbles to get to the gems! If we can be of help, even just to vent, please so let us all know. We are here for you in this horribly difficult time. Drop in anytime! But, if you need a break then go for it! Just come back soon
This is where it all comes to a head. All the advice you've been given and the path you've chosen for trying to save your marriage. Taking personal responsibility and detachment. This is the test for you. At this moment you know what is going on. You know what your W has chosen to do. You know the risks that her choices pose to you and your family.
Detach from the idea that you can control her choices.
Empower yourself to make choices that protect you and your family.
Let go of your anger towards your W - it does absolutely nothing to change the situation except that you are wasting energy you could be using to protect and better yourself and your family.
You know enough to make your own choices - stop watching your W and start acting.
You came here to save your marriage. The principles that would help you do this are the same ones that will aide you in dealing with this situation responsibly, whether it ultimately closes the door on your marriage or not. Act using your wisdom, knowledge and compassionate heart as your guide - not vindictively or passively.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
