I gave my wife a few simple requests to improve our marraige or we end it.
She will go to therapy with me, and we will both take anger management classes.
She will not meddle with OM and her sister (more going on here)...
She will severe all contact with OM.
If she can't do these simple marriage-altering things, then we are going nowhere in our marriage....
I told her what needs to happen for this marriage to change. I am continuing to improve myself, not dwell on the past "symptoms" or on my wife, but on what needs to be done.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
If she does not want to meet them, then she does not truly want to work on this marriage, but keep it as is for whatever reasons she has....
The thing to do now is to ensure that I am going to be happy. I told her what she needs to do, she's not happy, never will be I think. But I know what I want......and it's not her at this point - not like this.
I am filing paperwork for separation. It will be interesting to see how it pans out. She doesn't want to leave the house, and she doesn't want to work on the marriage.
Just her not wanting to work on the marriage and living like we have been is INSANE!!!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
If she does not want to meet them, then she does not truly want to work on this marriage, but keep it as is for whatever reasons she has....
This is true - but you keep focusing on her and her choices. She's not deciding the fate of your marriage, you are. It seems like you are trying to establish blame for you choosing to separate. You have your reasons, own them - you're not forced to do anything, you are choosing to.
Quote:
I am filing paperwork for separation. It will be interesting to see how it pans out. She doesn't want to leave the house, and she doesn't want to work on the marriage.
I hope the logistics work out well for you.
Quote:
Just her not wanting to work on the marriage and living like we have been is INSANE!!!
Ok, I took issue with this thread title, and I also take issue with this statement. Your choice to label her behavior as insane is a nasty way of trying to make yourself look better by comparison. You don't need to prove your worth - you are worthy. I always think of the statement "when you point your finger at someone there are three pointing back at you" in times like this. You (and everyone on these boards) could be called insane for trying to save their marriages or tolerating treatment that they shouldn't, etc. In fact, the human condition is somewhat insane, so what's the point? I think I would respond differently if your had described your behavior as insane for staying in the ashes of a marriage with a woman who was not obviously working on rebuilding it, yet using you for her personal satisfaction. I would see this differently because it would motivate you rather than judge another and describe why they should be doing something differently. Get my point here?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
I see your point. I think I AM insane for trying to save this M. A few know the rest of my sitch......but what I really want is a better outcome for all of us.
I want to stay in this marriage for love, but there is more to it that that, correct? I also want stability, and honesty (not happening now - on both sides)
I don't like painting anyone the "bad" person, and I see it is easy to do to our spouses, since we live and tolerate them every day. I just want to be sure that I am not making a bad choice, but a healthy one.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
W is trying to see about getting the house refinanced and have me move out. I will not move out, but will ask her to, so we are going to butt heads on this one.
She will not give in to my requests, but I have invited her to go to therapy. I will go myself. We both cannot afford the house on our own......so I will need to figure out what to do.
She called the real estate agent about the house.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Sol, I think I may be in a similar place, thought wise, about the continuation, or non-continuation of our marriage. I have let go of some of my anger issues.
I would say go to counseling yourself, work through your counselor to help you with your issues.
If a D or separation is going to happen, it does not make much of a difference if it happens instantly or a number of weeks or months down the road. It will hurt the same, many of the same feelings will be there.
Take this opportunity to look at yourself, and make yourself a better person. It might or might not help your R, but it certainly will help you. You'll have tools to cope better in the future with or without your W.
For example, I have the ability to have had the 2 OM fired from their position, or at least make it so obnoxious that they would quit. 1st time around my DD was about to have classmates go to his/her work and beat the s..t out of OM1. Nothing would have likely happened to her and her friends. Angry, I still told her that was not the right thing to do. That would not make us better people. Don't get me wrong, I felt like it! BIG TIME!
I have realized this time around, the anger will poison me. It will haunt me, hurt me, and hurt my chances to meet others, should the R fail, and I decide to date again.
Good luck.
IS 49 W 47 S 21 D 19 S 16 M 24y Together 31y EA Mar04-May 06 PA Feb06-Jun06 EA May07 Bomb Dec 28 07
Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. T. S. Eliot
I want to come out of this a better person, not spiteful or vengeful......nutty W will do that part, unfortunately. But I need to get fixed, and ensure that I am going to be OK and still provide for my family (kids)....they will still need me around, especially my daughter.
I am going to keep up with my counseling sessions for my own sake. My W is welcome to come, but I know she won't at this time. If there was any indication this was over, it was on Mother's Day when she accepted flowers from her son, but she rejected mine and thought it was a cheap present for her. She gave me a few punches (I didn't resist) and she threw the flowers at me and tore up the card when I was walking out of the house because I told her that I felt bad that she did not like my gift.
The house payment was late, but she wanted to buy jewelry for herself. She is not right in the head, and she wants to continue on like this without going to marriage counseling.......
Last edited by sol1696; 05/25/0709:42 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
The fact that you bought her any gift is pretty damn special, she's not even your mother! She's just lashing out, Sol. Good for you to go for counselling, I learned you have to take care of you because she sure as heck won't. You're doing that, carry on. Just thought I'd check in on you tonite.
