Thanks for the updates, Lin. It's so nice to hear from you and to know that you experienced something similar.
I'm having a bit of a hard day today. My heart is sick, and I can't say anything to H because then he will know that I snooped. I was hoping last night would be the only texting, but it looks like she texted him today... I will see if he replies back and I guess will just have to keep an eye on it and see how/if it progresses. I know that snooping isn't healthy, but now that he is supposedly back on track with me, I need to know that he's being faithful.
I feel like I need to talk to him about this, but I will blow my cover if I do. Thoughts anyone?
Like I said...my H "revisited" with OW via email for a few days...my thoughts are this is what your H is doing...so for now stop snooping...keep mum...and months down the road see how things are...if there is no more texting...he is staying home...it could be he had a little replay to finish up...or maybe he is justing looking for closure on things...
I wouldn't get too concerned yet...just sit back, relax....and see how things go
I will wait and watch and see. I will still be checking to see if they're texting. As I said, I know that snooping is bad, but since he has now officially recommitted to our R, I feel like I need to know what is going on. Before, he hadn't recommitted to us, so the issues were different. However, I will just try to not let it get to me as long as it is short-lived and remains platonic.
Well, yesterday she texted him something about that she would have won a dinner bet with him about something. H wrote her back and said that, yes, she would have won, and that he will still pay up on that bet, to just let him know when.... There is absolutely no way that I can allow him to see her again for dinner. What do I do?
Are you sure he hasn't seen her previous to this for dinner, lunch or anything else...could she be involved in the business some way...do you know her???
I don't know what to tell you to do...I could tell you what I would do but that might not be best for you...from the sound of that little snippet it looks like they may have not ceased contact...at least by texting...are you sure of this...are you sure that from June til now he has not been in contact with her...
Just hold tight...monitor the text messenging (although you really shouldn't have to do that...but I know you will) and just try and keep your emotions in check...
I am fairly positive that he has not been seeing her. I have checked his phone before now, both texts and calls, and there has been nothing. For the most part, since we are so involved together with the business, I know most of the time where he is at. So I feel fairly confident that there hasn't been anything before now. He may have seen her at her job because she works at a store that we go to, but that would be it I think.
The first text he wrote to her the night before last was an apology for not communicating with her, so that strengthens my thoughts on that. They wished each other the best. He said maybe they could have a beer sometime under "different terms." Then she wrote yesterday as a "P.S." about winning the bet, and he wrote back saying he would still pay on it as far as dinner and to let him know when. No phone calls from what I can tell. However, he did erase her name from him phone book so that her name doesn't come up in the text, just her phone number. He just erased it the other night the first time he texted her.
He hasn't changed his stature towards me at all. Everything is the same, and it's going very well. We made love last night (probably in part for me to feel close to him from feeling insecure and scared), and it was really nice.
Just sit back...perhaps she the bet was that he would return to her and since he lost he is going to hold to his word and buy her dinner....under "different terms" would indicate to me that he is letting her know it was not romantic but as friends (which I still don't agree with...)...
I think you need to just keep your eyes open...IF things get to a point that you feel he is stepping back towards her then you will need to confront the situation (I would but that is me)... to let him know you went through this once and forgave him but the old saying..."Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me" applies...I know my H knows I won't do this again...he came all the way back to me...is the only time I can allow that to happen unless he can prove to me that he was criminally insane at the time...
I will keep an eye on you...just relax...things are still going good...as I said, my H "revisited"...even proclaimed his "love always" to the OW...and then that was the end of that...this might just be something that H has to "finish" with OW...to prove to himself that he is really back with you...nothing is left between him and her...
So did you ever meet her...or really confirm who she was exactly?
Hey, Lin. Thanks again for grounding me. Part of me inside is spiraling out of control and spinning into my old emotions again. Admittedly it's still been hard because I don't trust him yet, but I just gave myself permission to feel that way for now, realizing that it was just going to take time and that I need to be patient with myself. As things continued to go so well and even get better and I believed that there was no further contact between them, I was starting to slowly, very very slowly, relax a little bit. Now this happens and I just don't know what to think or how to feel or how to react.
You're right; shame on me for living through this again. I just won't do it. It's not fair to either of us. I have been working so hard on the things he has requested, and I honestly feel like we have made such great strides. He promised to tell me if he did have any contact with her again. He has broken that promise, which hurts. I know he just doesn't want to hurt me, and maybe he figures this will be just short-term communication.
I do know who she is. I've only met her once before all of this happened. He just met her at the store that she works at. I purposely have made sure that I haven't seen her since. I don't remember very well what she looks like, and it's easier that way.
When I saw that her house was listed for sale, I did tell H about it. He didn't know that it was for sale (at least that's what he told me), but he did say that he had heard through someone else that she was moving to a different store - possibly out of state.
So I was feeling really good about getting further closure to this, and now this comes up. Maybe it's because she's moving that he felt the need to contact her and apologize for I guess the way they ended things? I might have been okay with that, but it bothers me that he's offering to see her. That's just not right, even as friends. It's too dangerous, and in my mind it's disrespecting me.
We went to look at a house this morning that may in fact be exactly what we are looking to buy for our personal residence. This may be a good opportunity for me to revisit things with him a bit and see if I can get a read on where his mind is at. I certainly do not want to buy a dream home with him to live in ourselves if there are going to be problems. I asked him if he was interested in the home, and he rubbed my hair and said that he loved me and that he wants to make me happy. It's so strange because everything is going so well between us. Maybe he just needs some closure with her because they never really formally ended things. But I'm just not comfortable with the exchanges they're having. It's too personal - it's leaning towards opening things up again rather than towards closure.
Let me know if this helps to shed any light on things... Thanks, Lin, for your advice.
Sit tight...she may be moving...and out of state would be great...but you need to see what is really going to happen...
I know it is hard to think that he would see her...like when I found the emails to/from OW and H was asking if he could call and talk to her on the phone...it never happened but if it had he is still here...bottom line they didn't pick things back up...
I do know it takes time to get over someone you have been intimate with...and sometimes this revisiting is to reassure they have and are getting better...if he is being nice to you...and making future goals...just relax...I know you don't want him to see her but you can't control that...if he isn't sleeping with her...or trying to create a R with her you need to let it alone...
I know he broke the "promise"...so did my H...but bigger picture...promise or not...he is still home and she is out of his life...it is a long process....both for you to get trust back and for him to let go of his emotional attachments...
he loves you and wants you happy...just a thought...if you could hold it together and not get into one your "beat the dead horse" discussions...is next time he makes a comment like this...just say I would be happiest if you weren't in contact with OW...then just SHUT UP!!!...even if he asks you what you mean...just say you mean exactly that...and that you don't want to talk about it...that is just what would make you truly happy...so now he knows...
