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ddc Offline OP
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Suit


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WTF, that is childish and proves you aren't ready for a relationship with anyone.


Yes, it was childish and I realized that at the time. I am 41 for the record and my feelings have been getting hurt quite easily since I have been back with the exW. I just can't grasp the idea how she can go from one extreme to the other. And yes I know I need to do that soon.

Quote:
On the other hand, despite the minor setbacks (in the scheme of things) you have all the power now. While your ex is playing coy, the reality is that you have her hooked but you don't seem to have a clue on how the reel her in.


I am glad to see you are an enternal optimist. I wish I could see the power I have right now. She plays this off like its no big deal and that drives me crazy.

Yes back to DB'ing.

Once again your insight is most helpful

ddc #1023839 04/23/07 11:24 AM
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After this weekend I don't know if my exW is MLC or just emotionally unstable person.
If saw the old her yesterday and it was not what I was expecting.

After not talking to her since Thursday, I promised I would helo her put mulch down at her house on Sunday after my D10 basketball game. I picked up my D and exW around 11:30am and as soon as she got in the trunk I could tell she was a little standoffish. She had her arms crossed the whole time, she was pleasant but certainly not interactive with me like she was last Sunday (after we ML the night before). On the way home I saw the bitchy side of her emerge.
We stopped at the deli to get some sandwichs and she got bitchy with two people in the store for no reason. One lady asked if she was in line, she snapped back "if your standing behind this person you are" then a minute later she is using her debit card and the cashier asked "credit or debit?" My wife did not hear her, so the cashier said it again, my wife barks back "you should speak up a little louder" No she has a puss on her face so the break the tension I say "you had a bigger smile on your face last Sunday" She said "your dilusional" Huh?

Back to her house to mulch and I got a around to asking why she said I was dilusional, she said she was agravated.

After we were done, we sitting on the front step drinking water and I asked her a question that was bothering me about the sex last week. We did not use protection, so I asked her if she was using any with her previous b/f's. She said sometimes, but once they were a b/f then no. She said don't worry I am clean I was tested in Oct. I was like why? No reason just being careful.
So I had to say, "did you sleep with that many guys" She said don't ask me questions like that. She said you can never be too careful. I made a comment about how great the sex was and she said yeah it was good time. I ask her if it felt like before, she said no, the physical was the same but things are different now, not the same as we were married.

I go to leave and we give each other a big tight hug, I tell her I love her. She does not reply. First time she has not replied.

I don't how she can be all affectionate on Mon/Tues and now cold as ice.

This was the person I remember from the past three years.

I am being to think she is not MLC and just emotionally scared

I don't know if this is part of the process or she can shut down her emotions fast like that.


I was also doing some other soul searching since this all began.


  • She has never asked me how I am doing
  • She has never asked me how my day was or how work is going
  • When I was at the Dr on Wed, she never asked what I was there for?
  • She has never invited me to dinner either by our selves or with D10. I have done this a dozen times.
  • She only calls me when she needs something.
  • She has only sent two texts intiating a Hi.



Is this how a MLC person treats people?

ddc #1024845 04/24/07 12:07 AM
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Quote:
Is this how a MLC person treats people?


ddc, it usually us alot worse than that.

You really are approaching this like she is 'cured'. If you change your thinking into thinking that she has been diagnosed and recovery takes 36 months, then you would screw down your expectations to zero, wouldn't you? That's what you need to do good buddy, have no expectations then you'd have no reason for feeling hurt.

On the sex talk, man you asked way too many questions. Way too much information and enough to screw with your brain for weeks, if not months and maybe years to come. Just don't go there because it's something that you can't deal too well with at the moment.

During the time that you have known your ex, has she demonstrated a history of 'emotionally shutting down'?

Quote:
I go to leave and we give each other a big tight hug, I tell her I love her. She does not reply. First time she has not replied.


Hey, it's not only me but all the other good people have posted to you have suggested that you do the whole DB thing.

Either your are showing your blatant disregard for this advice or you have simply forgotten what DBing is all about because you broke the cardinal rule of saying ILY.

I suspect that you've forgotten DBing and in that case, blow the dust off your copy of Divorce Remedy and if you don't have it anymore, buy yourself a new one and get stuck into reading it and have a note pad handy so your can scribble down some key points that relate to you.

God Bless

Suit


"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
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During the time that you have known your ex, has she demonstrated a history of 'emotionally shutting down'?

Yes, she has had relationship problems with her family and close friends. She don't speak to her 2 brothers and has written off three of her close friends. She was sexually abused as a child and I do beleive this has something too do with her personality. She has never told anybody other than me and has never sought treatment.

Quote:
Either your are showing your blatant disregard for this advice or you have simply forgotten what DBing is all about because you broke the cardinal rule of saying ILY.


I got caught up in her wanting to work on the R and did let my feeling fly around too much.

I did re-read DB this weekend and have already started backing off.
I will not intiate any contact, will not be returning her texts or phone calls right away, going to stop the excessive complimnets, no ILY's and no more cards or flowers.

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Well I got a thank you card in the mail that kind of sums up what her feelings are about our R.

She thanked me for all of my help and it was`appreciated. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for us the way we thought or hoped, but I really hope we can still be good friends"

I guess this tell me what I need to know

Last edited by ddc; 04/25/07 05:39 PM.
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ddc,

Maybe she just got scared off b/c of all the ILY's and gifts.

Go dark for awhile with your W, I bet you will see things turn around again, but this time when they do keep up the DBing even if she starts to come around.

Don't get discouraged. Let your wife go off and twist in the wind a while longer. I guess she wasn't ready to come out of her tunnel quite yet.

Hugs,
K

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Hi KTF,

thank for the words of encouragement. Somehow I just feel this is how she really wants it. I can't see myself putting my life on hold anymore.

I think she really enjoys her single life.

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ddc,

She probably does right now, but someday she will wish she had back her M. She doesn't realize what is really important in life b/c she is messed up.

I can see how you read all her signs as her wanting the R back, I would have done the same thing. Just goes to show you that it takes lots of time for them to completely come out of their fog and out of their MLC.

She will realize how lucky she was to have had a guy who was willing to do anything for her, change himself too. By that time it may be too late b/c you will have moved on with someone else who appreciates all your wonderful changes.

Hugs,
K

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She will realize how lucky she was to have had a guy who was willing to do anything for her, change himself too. By that time it may be too late b/c you will have moved on with someone else who appreciates all your wonderful changes.


Yes you are right, funny thing is she even said the grass is not greener and I am a good catch for someone.

I need to move on, I have to close the chapter in my life for now. If she changes her mind before I get involved in another R I will think long and hard before I expose my heart again.

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ddc,

That statement about knowing you are a good catch , tells you right there that this is about HER not YOU.

My H actually said something very similar to me. He told me I was a great person on many occasions. I still wonder if I'm so great then why don't you want me? I have just come to the conclusion that this is about him and not me b/c I am a good person with so much to offer.

I think you are doing the right thing by closing this chapter in your life for now. If and when you W does change her mind ( most likely she will) make sure you take her back on one condition , that she gets some therapy to help her with her issues. Be careful ,, I would hate to see you get hurt all over again.

K

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