Been locked out! My sit. married 16 years, got bomb in August, divorce filed in Feb. W will be 45 in June, I am 42. 3 kids 13, 11 & 8. Seperated in October. No other man. Wife is WAW/MLC. Here is my latest post would like input: I have reflected on what 46956 wrote. My w. is very depressed. Our house is a wreck, she forgets things, she has not attended to important matters, she has admitted to me that she has issues with herself, etc. The crying episode was probably just an outward manifestation of her depression. I know we should not urge them, but I asked her to at least visit with our priest. Not about the divorce, but about her "issue with herself"
She really has not come to terms with the reality. She has no job or prospects. She was hoping I would give her everything. Now that I have made myself clear she is starting to realize that there are not sound arguements to force me to give her more than half. She cannot live on half. She wants to stay in the house for a year and a half. I will not allow that if I am paying all the bills. The kids should stay, but I cannot afford the mortgage and bills on our house and then on one for myself. Even if she does land a job, it will not give her enough to live in the house.
What I find hard to do is have a split personality. I am a firm stuborn a$$h&le regarding property division, while at the same time I am Mr. Nice guy regarding our relationship. She uses that against me - "see that is why I want a divorce!" However I know I have no choice, I must protect myself and make sure I can provide for the kids. I do love her and want her to have the best, but not at my expense. Time is just going to have to tell. We are talking to each other, we fight, but we recently had a very nice make up. No kisses. I just looked into her brown eyes that had tears and said "I am sorry I have been a jackass lately" She said "I am sorry I hurt you". Well put by both of us!
I still think in my heart that we will reconcile, but I really do not dwell on it. Kids are doing better. We had a funny moment yesterday. W. asked if she could drop off the 2 younger ones to my office while she and the older one went to church. I could not go to church as I was busy. I asked why the other two could not go. She said s11 was being difficult and stuborn. I said well he got his stubornnes from the both of us. She laughed and said more so from me. I laughed and said not so cupcake, he got it more from you not me, it is you stubornnes that I find attractive in you. She laughed and said "yeah I guess you are right." See w. we can work together!!!!
Have a blessed Easter, Passover, Spring, Baseball season, whatever folks, pray, hope and eat your greens!
Spent the whole day with the family. W. was avoiding me. I learned from our neighbor that w. does not realize just how much I am suffering and thinks I am as happy as she is that the m. is ending. She also told the neigbor that she is only counseling because the neigbor asked her to.
The w. is depressed and mlc. She buts up a strong defense to her feelings, but I can tell she is not happy with herself.
Got some free counseling from a priest. He was also a trained counselor and he chewed me out for setting so much in motion, analysing, asking for advise etc. He said, look you hired a counselor, do what she says even if it turns out to be a divorce.
Today I took kids to school. D. cried and cried so I stayed. Talk to w. we were nice. I am feeling detached - sad about it, but detached. I supposs the only thing I can really do from here on out is sit back and watch the show, work on myself and love my family.
I may stay away from here for a few days or weeks as coming here makes me dwell too much on my situation. I may come by to read comments, but let me have some time away. God Bless each of you.
