There are many successful reconections that exist between MLC spouses and the LBS that we do not know exist. Just as their are many MLC cases that we are not aware of.
My understanding about what is taking place is far greater than what we are aware of from the physical realm. There is the non-physical reality that is in process at the same time the physical reality is in process. Both are working on the MLC person consecutively and simultaneously.
From what we can see, hear, feel, smell and taste is what we believe is all that there is. Some of us can sense that there is something more complex that exists and has a great affect on what we are experiencing, but can't explain it.
All of us are on the same journey home. Each of us were born into the world and will eventually return to our Creator. Their is no right or wrong path home, as any path will take us there.
What ever path we choose, it will be filled with experiences in which we have the opportunity to learn the lessons we were sent here to learn.
Some of us wake up and realize this reality while others will sleep walk on their path home. I'm a believer that life is eternal and that death does not exist, except in the physical form as we know it.
I believe that our soul existed prior to our incarnation and will continue to exist after our physical body comes to rest. I also believe that the lessons we don't learn this time through, we will have an opportunity to learn the next time we return to Earth. Where we live in the physical form is the "Earth school," the place where we are given an opportunity to experience that which we know internally.
I'm a believer that God is everywhere and in all things. We can never escape God as He is always present. Even the MLC person can not escape the presence of God, even if they deny His presence.
I don't recall a MLC spouse talking about God or being spiritually connected. My belief is that a MLC person is actually spiritually "disconnected." I believe that MLC people are "lost souls." They have lost touch with who they really are.
They believe that they are their body, their mind and everything physical. They live in a world where it's all about the physical and the hear and now. As a MLC person would say, "It's all about me." The MLC person lives for today as they believe tomorrow might not come.
A MLC person believes they are greater than anything and everything. Even God. They have gone so long without feeling good enough and denying their own needs that they seperate themselves from anything that is connected to a Higher Power.
A MLC person is very selfish and is trying to control everything and everybody in their physical world. They believe they have the power to bring about changes that will bring them the happiness that alludes them.
This is a false belief. Happiness does not come from "External Power", only more pain and suffering.
Happiness comes from "Authentic Power" the alignment of the personality with the Soul.
A person in MLC is a person whose personality and Soul are in conflict with each other. The personality is acting out to take control in seeking the happiness it desires.
Eventually, at least hopefully, the MLC person will realize that by trying to control everyone and everything around them does not bring happiness but more pain and suffering in whcih they are trying to escape.
Ultimately, the MLC person will come to realize that through the choices they have made, they have created their own reality. The reality they have created is not what they were seeking.
With this higher level of consciousness, the MLC person will come to realize that they need to make different choices if they are going to get what they need and seek.
Being selfish will not bring the love, appreciation and respect that the MLC person desires. it will only push it further away.
In time, the MLC person will realize that in order to recive love from others, you first have to give it. It is one of the universal laws of cause and affect. As you give, therefore you shall recieve.
I hope and pray that your H "get's it" before it's too late to return to the person that can give him what he needs.
Hi Paul Glad to see that you are still sticking around and helping the people on the MLC forum. I saw my X_h and his wife for 2 days at my older's son's wedding. I must say after 6 years he still has the deer in the headlights look. We didn't speak at all. I did notice him watching me. I was so at ease, and enjoyed myself. He was like a cat in a dog pen. The new wife hung on him like someone was trying to take him away from her. I have enjoyed reading your post. So please continue. Take Care of yourself God Bless
what do you mean when you say you are "unsure what that was all about?" He lied to you and your daughter, right? That's what that is. Lies. Again. You cannot make him realize he is wrong or make him feel guilt. IF he is capable of that, it won't be b/c of anything you say to him. So, pick your battles. Doesn't mean to let this go. But what did your L say about her not being there overnight? Is it enforceable? And IF your H heard the c say d7 should not be there, well, did he actually hear the c say that? Maybe he didn't believe you when you said that. Maybe HE needs to hear it from "an authority", and not you. Seems what you tell him really doesn't stay in his head for long....on its' way out the other ear. HOw are your GAL efforts and the other girls doing? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My L has been out of town for a couple of weeks so I haven't had the chance to talk to him about it.
H did hear d's C say that it was too soon for either of us to introduce d to anyone new in our lives. C said 1 year POST divorce before anyone should be introduced. H was sitting right next to me when the C said it. He followed the C advice for several months, but I guess now HE has decided d is ready. The C has offered to write a letter to give to my L saying just that-- but I think it would be just prolonging the inevitable. Once our D is final I won't have any legal right to keep Ow away from d anyway.
I have to agree with you that maybe giving H and Ow have a DOSE of REALITY is the best thing that could happen. Maybe it won't be so FUN once our d is spending every other weekend with them. Ow will probably get jealous that she has to share H with his d. This is why Ow said she left her xH b/c he paid more attention to their kids than her and these were own HER kids! Do I think she is the best role model for my d - Not at all....., but not much I can do about it unless she posed a danger to our d in someway.
What I am questioning is if I should tell H that I feel very disrespected and disappointed by his actions. I just can't seem to get it through my head that my H doesn't care what I think or feel so why bother! Maybe just for my own sense of dignity.
My older girls are doing fine. D14 has some friends over tonight , she is on winter break from school, D18 went out for Mardi Gras downtown with a few friends- will be home later, d7 has a friend sleeping over. Riley - Oh, he is our 4 year old black lab, he is enjoying all the company. He thinks he is a person!
Mardi Gras?! OMG I am jealous! What are you doing at home, Keeping? Aren't you supposed to be out flashing your you know what's for BEADS?
Just kidding and trying to make you laugh. My family is from Northern La. I was at Mardi Gras in 04... This time of the year I always get anxious over not being able to be there... Oh well... did you at least have some King Cake?
Paul, you hit another great point. I cannot recall anyone I talked to in MLC or having been through it ever making reference to God. The few where the topic in conversation came close either avoided or quickly changed the subject. I will agree that they become spiritually "disconnected", certainly my x2 did and "dropped" her life long church attendance(I would consider that an outward sign of disconnection) about three months prior to the bomb. I will admit that I've never "disconnected", nor would I say that having been around a MLCer made me feel a stronger relationship with God, been pretty much even throughout. I sometime puzzle over if "prayer" or petion if you will, on behalf of those "disconnected" does much good. If they have dropped that line to the Creator, disconnected from Him, thrown Him away, well, you know where I'm going with this. I don't need reminders of the biblical stories, I am very familiar with them. I just get an uneasy feeling that sometimes we are not doing much good asking for intervention.
Note to Everhopeful, had some King Cake yesterday even up in these parts. Imported via UPS. In highly techincal food terms - YUM! Lasted all of 12 minutes in the office.
Paul - an excellent post. I remember my eldest son telling my h that he had neglected his spiritual side for years. My h is starting to acknowledge the truth of this.
I also believe that the MLCer feels essentially unloveable - this I think stems from their childhood or adolescence when the people they most depended on were essentially emotionally unavailable to them. They are broken inside, which is part of the reason why they are on an orgy of destruction of themselves, and their families, and everything that was dear to them. Some stay broken, others mend. Compassion is what we, the LBS, have to find in ourselves, whether or not they choose to return to us.
If you feel unloveable it is difficult if not impossible to love, and to receive love, which is a terribly sad state to be in.
The exercise of compassion is good for us, I believe, and for the world - not a bland forgiving of everything, but an attempt to understand of the pain that others suffer.
I agree that the phsycial realm is a small part of all of this, and that to only see that part of life diminishes us.
I don't feel as if I'm the best person to give you advice on this subject.
But I will share my feelings for whatever they are worth. Please don't hold these thoughts as the answer, as they are simply my own opinion.
Everything you do towards your H can be percieved by him as an attempt to control him or manipulate the situation. As you know, this will bring about more anger and resentment towards you.
As a father he has rights to see his D. As long as everything he does with her is not illegal or abusive, IMO is out of your control to make it the way you think it should be.
As much as you feel your D will be affected by your H having your D spend the night at OW, she will be equally affected by your fight to prevent it. My suggestion is to "let go."
The more energy you give to something you do not want to happen, the greater chance that it will happen. By giving energy to something you give it life and feed it.
How you handle the MLC situation with your H, will have the biggest impact on your D and how she learns about values and appropriate behaviors.
You can set the standard for, honesty, trust, love, compassion, integrity, respect for life, commitment, pride, confidence, loyalty, individuality, caring, family and faith.
The "core values" that you live by will be the best gift you can give to your D. Let go of your H being the teacher of "values" for your D. He is not in a frame of mind to be the teacher, so it needs to be your role at this time.
I realize you want to protect your D. But how will she learn the values that you hold dear to your heart if she does not also experience the opposite?
We learn from our experiences. Experiencing bad things is not all bad. If it were not for the painful experiences I had during childhood, how could I have become the person I am today?
My advice is to let go and turn it over to God.
The best gift a LBS can give to their children is how well they treat their MLC spouse. Our children are watching and observing and will take what they have learned into their adult relationships.
If you had a choice, what type of relationship with their spouse would you desire for your children when they get married?
I left the boards for a few years and have only recently returned to share some things I have learned.
Posting on the site helps me heal and understand what lessons I am suppose to be learning from going through this experience we call life.
Some MLC spouses remain "stuck" and who knows if the light bulb will get turned on inside or not. Maybe in their next lifetime.
Your XH's wife sounds very insecure. I'm sure you XH is feeling bad inside of what he lost. He may not admit it, but I do know he is thinking about it.
What has brought you peace? If you would share your experience it would be so helpful to those who are struggling.
Hearing from thiose who have been through their spouses MLC and have moved forward with their life, are now happy and at peace, is very important to those who feel it is all hopeless.
Please share how you have overcome the craziness of MLC.
