Well, not a ton to report. Still in limbo. No final decrees filed and the initial one is still active. Best way to describe it is seprated with divorce papers in the courts waiting to be signed.
It has been 2 weeks since I have said 3 words to her. We had a disagreement over everything including her reniging on her promise to do 6 sessions with MC and start IC. I have been 3 times to IC, not much help, but good to have some ears listen. House has not sold (3 months now, 2 on market) and she wants to lower price again, I said absolutley not, we have gone down 11 K and with the 17 K we will owe realtor I will not budge. We are already at the lowest part of the Market value.
I continue to pay 70 % of all our joint bills and mortage as she continues to run up her CC and open new accounts to move on with her life. She complains about having top borrow money from her father to pay her 1200 rent. Oh Well!
Trying to move forward and focus on kids. I am trying to GAL but find it difficult finacially and little time. Hardest damn thing I have had to go through by far.
Oh well. Weekend coming
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
Not sure who is left to read or respind but I hope a few of my friends are still here (maybe not I hope they have been able to move on)
Where to start...well I reached my limitations of my patience and have asked for everything to be done by the ned of this year. I do not want another year to start with the same baggage. This was met with very little resistance and evrything has gone so smnoothly. She has agreed to all of my terms and we have been very civil about the whole thing. The ironic portion of this is this is how we used to be. We could talk and reason. I often find myself slipping back and feeling a great deal of remorse and saddness, which tells me I am not fully healed and still have a tremendous amount of feelings for my wife. Thorugh all of the bitterness and verbal venom she has spewed over the last 6 months, I still look on her with soft eyes and warm feelings in my heart and it tears me apart to see the finality of 15 years together come to such a end. I aksed a few weeks ago if she is still set on D as the final sloution, she responded "do you really think we can work this out, after all that has gone on?" I simply said yes, but that will be my eventual downfall, I forgive an trust to quickly.
So all is amicable and I may even be able to purchase a house that is suitable for my children. My house just sold 2 weeks ago and I have 30 days to find a new one. Tight but it was a hurdle that needed cleared and I have faith in God he will not put me on the streets and if he does than it is for a purpose I am yet to understand and not question.
I have found a renewed sense of myself and even my STBX has commented how I am strong and a different man. In reality I am what I once was and need to remember not to lose that man again.
Well that is the update. Still getting a D and still helplessly in love with my wife. But I will survive and prosper.
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
It sounds like the whole process sucks. I wouldn't worry too much about what you consider your limitations of your patience - we all get sick of waiting around for nothing.
Your point of not wanting another year of baggage is a good one. Part of me wants to stall my W, part of me wants it over with tomorrow so she can really screw her life up and figure out she is going the wrong way. I can't decide how I feel about it. But you weathered this crap for long enough. At some point - you must say "enough is enough!"
Funny how you come full circle - how you now can talk and be amicable. My W and I are starting to get there too. Even got a letter saying she was finally done blaming me for everything. But seeing this side of your W just continues to cast doubt in your mind... That there is still a chance. There still is a chance, but she just refuses to see it.
I hope you get the house thing worked out. It will take stress off of you -especially at the holidays which will be difficult enough.
Quote: I have found a renewed sense of myself and even my STBX has commented how I am strong and a different man. In reality I am what I once was and need to remember not to lose that man again.
Amen to that bigtime. This is so key. The self discovery and journey we go through to get to the person we really love. We didn't choose to start the journey. We were "kicked" off the bus and forced to. And while I want my M to work out, I know there was a reason for me to do this - to learn what makes me tick and gain my renewed sense of self. You said it!!! Don't ever lose that person you've become.
Hang in there. I hope the housing thing has a quick resolution. May God Bless you and your family.
I wish I could actually convey how well I understand what your feeling. People ask me how can I still love my ex after all she has done. I guess thats love.
I don't have any real advice, but I can tell you that I am happy to hear your are strong and well. You have made changes for yourself and others are noticeing too.
Stay the path, it seems like they want to feel they are in control and everything needs to be their idea, if it is not as my ex told me "she is giving in". Do what you need to do, but she is seeing the changes and seeing you for whom you are now.
I am the same as you, I allow my faith to help me and I forgive to fast becouse I see no reason for hate or anger. This doesn't mean I don't get angry but I do not live my life full of painfull past events. I have choosen to forgive my ex for her actions and I have asked for forgivness for mine.
After 19 months seperated, 6 months divorced my ex has finally come back becouse of the fact that I started living my own life, she has run her course with OM and a new GF brought up some issues to .
But most of all, you are not alone, your are strong and well, and you have friends.
Want a good laugh, take a look at my last post, a whole new sitch.. How did we get here?
I am so sorry. I think you are doing the right thing for yourself. You've made it clear to your W that you believe the marriage could work. So now you can concentrate on being strong and taking care of yourself and your sons. Your W still could change her mind but that's up to her and as we've learned we cannot force our spouses to act the way we want them to!!
Good Luck!!!!
Fearless
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
As I wake every morning I see myself as the man I used to be. I am not the things my wife has accused me of (no angel either mind you!) and I like that feeling.
As you Chris, dating is a scary prospect and the challenge I have is not to be so quick to assess and evaluate, but it is SCARY out there. Way too many people going to fast and too hard, like there is shame in just being friends who can enjoy each other.
Fearless, thanks sweetie! I trust you and value your opinions. How are things on your end?
Need to settle on a house to buy by tomorrow UGH! Another independent decision, scary but way cool I am doing it by myelf at the same time!
Well I better get my sorry butt to work. cold here 18 degrees and 4 inches of snow on the ground
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
.